Does your partner talk positively about their mother?

[EatingWormsMichael]

Assuming the mother is alive and wasn't abusive...

Does your partner talk positively about their mother?

I have a son, he's only 8 and loves me so much. I wonder what he'll think of me as an adult. It occurs to me I rarely hear men talk positively about their mums. Not necessarily hateful, but a certain weariness or frustration with them. Is that typical?

Yes, DH adores his DM (as do I). Don’t get me wrong, he has moments of frustration but no more so than I do with my (equally lovely) DM.

Yes, he totally loves his mum and speaks highly of her. And our DS tells people how wonderful I am !

No he didn’t but she wasn’t kind to him. On his death bed she tried rubbing his arm and he pushed her away and felt for my hand.

You get back what you put in with kids.

Yes

Yes - they're close and speak or see each other most days. He's similarly close to his dad.

Better than when I first met him

His father is abusive and he had been brainwashed into believing his mother was a waste of space

Having me come in with an outsiders perspective helped him see how wrong his dad is

He was never actively unkind or anything before, but now he is actively kind and thoughtful. It had made him a bigger target for his dad's abuse (and unsurprisingly his dad hates me) but we just avoid his dad as much as possible

I think how a father speaks about their wife/partner can have an impact on how their child treats their mother (and the other way round of course).

Yes absolutely. I don't think I've ever heard him say one negative thing about her. And neither have I. She's wonderful.

My own mother has her little 'quirks' and I'd say my brother may have had the odd eye roll and little grumble with my sister-in-law about her, but I also think that overall my brother is very very positive in what he says about my mum. She's a huge huge help in their everyday lives and very much loved by my brother, sister-in-law and their kids

If I were to ask him what he thinks about his mum then yes, he'll respond with a positive answer about how good a cook she is, how fiesty she is, how open her house was when they were teens with their friends in & out all the time etc.

She's basically the opposite to me but we get on and he loves me for being me rather than being like his mum.

Yes, he did. But everyone did to be fair. She was a wonderful person and more of a mother to me than my 'real'one.

But yes, he appreciated her and spoke fondly of her.

DH loves his Mother and you can feel the affection. He is however eternally frustrated by her poor timekeeping and obsession with astrology. She is a nice woman who is both academic and dim and you are never be quite sure who will be present that day.

My DH is nothing but positive regarding his DM. He has endless patience now she is frail and repetitive. When she was younger he always enjoyed her company, even if, at certain stages of our marriage, I struggled with the IL's.
I hope my DS notices and will be the same with me.

dh doesn't really speak about his Mum.
I am wondering, in what context all these partners are talking about their Mums ?

Phew, it's good to hear some positive stories!

I don't think it's that any of them sit down and start talking about their mums. It's more our DH's general approach to them. Their general consideration and warmth just comes through when you're having general conversations, whether ours about visiting, practical stuff, whatever.

If your husband enjoys finding a nice Christmas present that his mum will like, if he says "shall we go up and see mum?" without prompting or out of guilt, if when she comes up in conversation he's smiling and taking with empathy or with good memories, then that's all positive. And yes, sometimes mine would mention random things when we talked about parenting our own children. How she always put them first and little things that she (and FIL) did that made his and SIL's childhood so happy.

Yes, my MiL had 6 children who all adored her and were by her bedside when she died. She hated hospitals so they ordered a special bed for her and took it in turns to be with her 24 hours. It was so touching to see how tender her kids were with her.
She was an outstanding mother. Extremely loving, had tons of energy and absolutely adored her grandkids- all 24 of them! We miss her terribly.

I went off point! My dh only has positive memories, at first I was suspicious- surely it couldnt be all that rosy. But then I met her. In contrast- I am not close with my mum, have a tense and awkward relationship. My MIL took me under her wing.

I found that all of my exes spoke very well of their mothers and were very defensive about them.

My current partner loves his mum and os convinced he is the favourite and they talk regularly although in different cities.

Whereas although my ex never spoke ill of his mum they would have awful arguments and I’d be the middle man - then again he would argue with me for similar reasons (often money related) and that why he is and ex.

I always thought sons defend their mothers and daughters were daddies princesses (maybe an old wives tale?)