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Worried about pregnant sister

5 replies

polkadotdinosaur · 20/11/2022 18:53

NCd for this as possibly outing.

My sister (30) is pregnant with her first child. I am overjoyed to be an auntie and can’t wait to meet my niece.

I am growing really worried for my sister’s wellbeing and general mental health.

Before her pregnancy she didn’t treat me or my brother very well and was quite manipulative in nature. I saw a lot of narcissistic traits but my brother was more forgiving generally and said he believed it was her insecurities about herself at play. Anyway, her pregnancy is long awaited and great news so we have let bygones be bygones and move forward. During her first trimester all was great and I contacted her regularly and met up with her etc. She seemed like her old self for a very fleeting amount of time. She’s now nearly 20 weeks and over the last two months things have really gone downhill, except for the one happy moment of finding out the gender. My DM is very worried and has confessed this to me, but I at first put it down to pregnancy hormones and thought no more of it. I do now share the concerns though and they’re as follows. She is convinced people are staring at her when they are not, she regularly calls herself derogatory names ie monster, ogre and swears she has never felt worse in her life. She has quit her job and intends to not work. She is telling lies and accusing people of saying horrible things that they have not, this has happened on two occasions once about my DM and once about me. It seems like possible body dysmorphia to me although I am no expert. Generally she just seems muddled beyond the normal baby brain-ness and very paranoid about everything.
As I said she wasn’t confident in herself before getting pregnant but the pregnancy seems to be exacerbating these issues further. The pregnancy is otherwise symptom free she hasn’t been sick or had insomnia- well that she’s told us.

I am really worried for her and for unborn DN. I have no experience of PPD myself (thankfully) but it’s stressful to think my sister’s wellbeing is so poor already months before baby has arrived. She will not seek help from a professional or even talk to anyone as she works in healthcare herself and is insistent if she does the baby will be taken off her.

DM and I remind her it is temporary and her body is doing an amazing thing, that she will bounce back etc but none of this seems to be affecting her positively in fact she feels worse by the day. She looks amazing and like any other pregnant woman, but of course she’s only going to get bigger!

Is there anything I can do other than the very basics of being there for her? I’m shocked this has happened and can’t relate personally as both DM and I are very maternal people who aren’t that bothered about image.

All advice appreciated!

OP posts:
OrcaBlondie · 20/11/2022 19:40

Sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very worrying for you. Your sister is very lucky to have you.

No experience of PPD here but hoping someone who does can give you some advice.

I’m not too sure if there is anything as such that you can do other than support her in whichever way she allows you to. It is a tricky situation. Could you speak to her local midwife team to raise your concerns? Atleast then they are aware and would probably really appreciate you sharing with them. I know you said she won’t seek or accept help from professionals but atleast if the professionals are aware they can (hopefully) keep an eye and maybe look out for some signs on subtly questioning her at her midwife apts? Although appreciate she isn’t likely to say anything to raise concerns to them…

Hopefully she will be feeling better once baby is here.

polkadotdinosaur · 28/11/2022 15:34

OrcaBlondie · 20/11/2022 19:40

Sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very worrying for you. Your sister is very lucky to have you.

No experience of PPD here but hoping someone who does can give you some advice.

I’m not too sure if there is anything as such that you can do other than support her in whichever way she allows you to. It is a tricky situation. Could you speak to her local midwife team to raise your concerns? Atleast then they are aware and would probably really appreciate you sharing with them. I know you said she won’t seek or accept help from professionals but atleast if the professionals are aware they can (hopefully) keep an eye and maybe look out for some signs on subtly questioning her at her midwife apts? Although appreciate she isn’t likely to say anything to raise concerns to them…

Hopefully she will be feeling better once baby is here.

Thank you for this. I have spoken to my mum about possibly doing this but she says my sister would just resist and become angry at everyone. My sister thinks she knows best because of her background in healthcare.
It is at the stage where she won’t even leave the house because she’s embarrassed about how she looks and the weight gain. She looks wonderful, but her self esteem is awful. She hasn’t got PPD yet but worrying that she will. It is some form of body dysmorphia I think coupled with poor mental health. She thinks she will be able to love her body again once baby’s born. I just don’t want her to end up resenting her?

OP posts:
polkadotdinosaur · 28/11/2022 16:11

Thanks HQ for moving this to the chat board for me.

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polkadotdinosaur · 30/11/2022 18:52

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