I think I'm baby-ing DS

[FreestyleVibe]

I took DS (4.5y) to a birthday party today and I feel like things are so different now that he is at school. I still hold his hand a lot, cuddle him, lifted him onto my lap when he came to me to get a drink, but no-one else was doing this and it's made me realise that I'm probably baby-ing him too much.

He's very independent and had fun with his friends so it's not hindering him but as much as he's not yet aware enough to find me embarrassing that will probably come soon!

It was weird having to second guess how I act with him. Are they meant to be so grown up at this age?

Because I also have a 1 year old I think baby-ing is still what comes natural to me but I guess its the end of an era with him. So sad!

Holding hands and cuddling a 4yo is totally normal and not babying at all.

Lifting onto your lap maybe a bit

. But hand holding and cuddles normal for a long time yet!

My 10 yr old holds my hand on the way to school, then lets go if we see anyone. I really wouldn't stress at 4!

You'll stop doing it naturally, or should I say he will stop you when he gets more socially aware! Make the most of it while you can.....love from a mum of two teenagers that are very much past that stage😆

4.5 still very young, that all sounds totally normal

I did all of that with a 6 year old at a party today and I wasn’t the only one.

All still normal for my 4.5yr old and me, he’s very cuddly still.

I had my DS8 on my lap today having a quick hug while he grabbed a drink during his rehearsal. Totally instigated by him.
4.5 is young don’t worry about it and just follow his lead.

I still end up with my 9 and 12 year olds on my lap... but not in public 😂

We like "tyranasaurus hugs" too. We hold our arms bent up close, flap our hands for a hug as we approach and attempt to hug without treading on each others' feet. They find it rather funny!

Follow their leads, I love the fact my child loves a cuddle.

Ah these are the lovely years when they're still impulsively affectionate and love affection in return. Make the most of it whilst it lasts! 4 yrs is still a baby

I’m sure everyone cuddles their 4YOs at home, but at a party most are too busy playing! If yours was shy and needed some reassurance that’s fine, doesn’t mean you’re babying. I don’t get the drink one though, aren’t you worried they’ll spill on you?

I still hold my nearly 7 year olds hand. 🤔 Maybe I need to stop reading this!

I really wouldn’t worry and would definitely follow his lead on this. My 3rd son came off the football pitch yesterday and leaned into me for a hug whilst lots of his team mates were chucking kit and water bottles at their mums 😂 they’re all different, and it’s all good.

Still cuddle my DS and he’s 17 😂

Oh please, carry in doing that!
when he is ready, he’ll tell you in no uncertain terms.

You’re not doing stuff for him he can’t do himself (that’s babying him). You are offering a safe heaven with cuddles to settle back in if/when things get too much. And that’s a good thing. Not something to avoid!

It sounds normal to me.. the lap bit maybe less so but only because at a party I’d want him to be off with other kids.

It’s only becomes a ‘possible issue’ (and even then this is not the right expression really) when you prevent your child from ‘maturing’.
My sister ‘babied’ my nephew for years, still got him fully dressed at 7, fed him until then too, at a family gathering or party she’d seek him out to come and sit on her knee as she liked it (he was happy playing with his cousins). He wasn’t allowed glasses (to drink out of) until 12, he had plastic beakers (with lids until 8). He was in a cot until 5.
He had no SN and ended up being a wee bit excluded by his peers (and to an extent by his cousins annoyingly, some of whom were younger) because he was babied and they’d treat him as a younger one too.
To be fair he’s 26 now and training to be a Barrister but it was uncomfortable to watch at times as DN often complied with the babying to please his Mum and it’s was his norm.

I have a 15 year old who still holds my hand and cuddles.

Cuddles and affection do not baby children. Sitting on knees doesn't baby a child - he'd squirm and get off if he didn't like it. You're just a comfortable seat.
Babying is stopping him doing things his capable of or that prevent him integrating in a age appropriate way with peers and other adults. That's things like dressing him rsther than givinghim time to dress himself, cutting up food rather than providing cutlery and keeping him in nappies rather than ensuring he is toilet trained at a reasonable age, assuming no learning disability. Children are not spoiled with love or affection.

My D's is 5 and in reception. You're fine, youre not babying him unless your forcing him to do those things. As long as you follow his lead on what he's comfortable with then it's fine. My Ds is very independent and confident for his age but he would still hold my hand and come for cuddles at a party ect.

I started to get lax about holding DS4's hand and let him walk ahead of me on the school run. I paid the price for it on Thursday when my friend picked him up from school - he disappeared out of sight and crossed a road on his own. He's no longer allowed to walk without holding my/adults hand.

On the flip side it's nice to hold onto them and DS loves to climb up for a cuddle. I'd be surprised if he started to get embarrassed about it for a few years yet

Oh that's really reassuring then thank you! I was worried there was an unspoken rule that they're now meant to be all grown up or something.

Less than a year ago he would still have wanted one of us to go round the soft play with him, now he's perfectly happy with his friends, just coming back to check in with me from time to time.

@maddiemookins16mum that sounds really sad. I can see now that what I'm doing is not baby-ing, just affection, and we are a very affectionate family. I'm sure he'll let me know when he wants to limit this in public!

For now I'll keep enjoying his cuddliness!

Love the trex hugs @BogRollBOGOF we're a very cuddly family, hope we'll still do things like this when DS is 12!

There are two types of ‘babying’.

Cuddling, reassuring, holding hands etc. is fine. We all need it. I still cuddle and stroke the hair of my 22yr old son even though he’s twice my size!

The other form of ‘babying’ which I think is not so helpful is doing stuff for them when they could be independent - tying their laces, putting on their clothes, getting them things. These are the things that if you keep doing them over time - turn ‘mummied’ boys into useless men.

But cuddles and love are fine at any age!