A year ago tonight

[bloodywhitecat]

We'd not long been home from a lights event at a local attraction, we'd put the babies to bed and had eaten dinner, I was sat next to my husband on the sofa when he dropped some of the ice cream he was eating down his jumper. I turned to look at him and realised he had all the classic signs of a stroke. The stroke was a big one, I called 999 and it took a while to connect to a call handler and the ambulance took forever to come. Life had already been unkind to him as he had terminal cancer and the tumours were growing again when this happened. He spent almost four weeks in a hospital bed (where the 'care' was shocking) and he came home just before Christmas to a hospital bed in the living room. He never recovered. I never heard his voice again.

I miss him so much but as I write this I can hear an owl outside, he always commented on the owls, and it makes me smile to hear it now.

Just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am ❤️

Sending so much love your way, I read your posts and often wonder how you are doing. You are a incredible lady xx

So sorry to hear this

I did sometime ask Dorothy things about dogs, as she had a dog training qualification & I foster dogs, the cancer came back & she was on chemo & then died suddenly in hospital. I am thinking of unfollowing the group, but I am also interested in people on there now, and feel the need to keep following their stories. I did and do feel desperately sorry for you, it was terrible care you husband got

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I think that is very nice that the owl 🦉 has given you some comforting thoughts tonight. 💐

She had an amazing courage about her, I seem to remember she had purple hair at one point too. There was another man, Derek I think, who had surgery just before DH did, he and DH were on the same ward and he was discharged just before DH. Derek had lots of problems with recurring infections after surgery and was backwards and forwards between his local hospital and the big hospital that did the surgery, I often wonder how he's doing.

God love you. Big hugs.

Derek eventually got out of hospital a few weeks ago, he kept on getting sepsis. They discharged him but he had to give himself IV antibiotics

I'm so sorry. I remember your story because my dad died of cancer of the bile duct and it's pretty rare (he was actually diagnosed posthumously). And of course because you are so flipping amazing, both in the way you cared for him and in all you do for the fosterlings. I'm glad you heard the owl tonight

I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.

How incredible you are still able to foster. He would be so proud and happy about that.

@bloodywhitecat, I just wanted to let you know that I have thought of you and your fosterling(s), since your last post that I saw, and before that when I read your many posts, on several threads.
I'm so sorry if I've got the number of your foster children wrong - it's most definitely not you but it is my fault (blame fibro-fog if you need to put a name on it).
But whatever way, I'm sorry you are still feeling so troubled - and even more so now your husband has passed away.
Take it from me - there isn't any way that someone who is bound down by so many damaging experiences isn't harmed in their mental health in one way or another.
I would hope, based on my experience; in a county that was very poorly served by the mental health services, that you would be able to find something to help you relatively easily.
You've weathered so, so much, but I feel I know a little bit of your story, and wanted to validate to you how difficult life must be just now.
See if you feel like your local wellbeing services can help you.
Whatever you decide to do, there is help available to you. You just need to make the decision to ask.
My very best wishes to you. Xx

@bloodywhitecat thank you for sharing how you met. He sounds wonderful. You both were meant to meet.

I'm so sorry.

At the risk of sounding mad, there is some superstition around Owls and the deceased. When DSIS (who also loved owls) passed away, we kept seeing owls. We even had a parcel that got mixed up and ended up with an ornamental owl being delivered to us by mistake.

I know I sound daft and I'm not normally superstitious, but it gave me some comfort at the time.

I remember what I think was your first post when you weren't sure what was happening. Can I say that it was a relentless journey you both went on but the love that you had, and still have, for your husband crackled out of every post? He sounds like the most truly wonderful man and it's beyond cruel what happened to him. He was so lucky, though, that he had someone as loving and caring as you by his side to make him feel loved and treasured til the end.

Thinking of you tonight op. 💐

So sorry 💐
My Dad had a big stroke a couple of years ago, it's so important to raise awareness of them as they can come out of the blue and if you don't know what you're looking for it can be hard
For others, remember F.A.S..T
Face, Arm, Speech, Time.
The quicker it's spotted and responded to the better chance of surviving
We were lucky in that the ambulance came quickly.
It's hard to automatically notice a stroke though so be on the look out.
It was a case of him just not really making sense when he spoke, enough to make you think WTF and ringing for advice just in case.
Can affect people in different ways, he now has trouble with his speech and easily agitated (probably due to frustration?) when he's always been so chilled before

Hope I don't come across as insensitive with my post, just wanted to raise stroke awareness for anyone who hasn't experienced it before.
Truly sorry for your loss 💐

Your courage and wisdom shines through.I am sure your husband would be so incredibly proud of you. I send you my warmest wishes and I am truly so very sorry for your loss and the grief you have to bear.It is so unfair.

So sorry to hear about your loss. What a sad time for you but the owl was there to remind you of the love you shared.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. This is poignant for me as I had a whipples 5.5 years ago - I'm one of the lucky ones but when I read about people who weren't as lucky, it makes me so very sad.

Sending you lots of love x

Just another stranger taking 2 minutes to tell you that you and your husband had an amazing love story that ended far too soon - and that I am so glad the owl is around to keep you company tonight of all nights.

He would be so proud of all you continue to do for the little fosterlings. <3

💐💐💐

So sorry for your loss.

Our owls were calling last night too.

I can't write anything as beautiful as those words of @ArcaneWireless. But you are heard, OP, and I hope the owls continue to call for him.