How to not care what other people think

[Respectfullydisagree]

Whether it be your lifestyle choice, how you look, what you wear, what you say, worrying if they like you or just what their opinion is of you… I mainly struggle with the thought that I’ve unknowingly upset someone through my actions so in turn worry about what they are thinking.

What is your best advice on how to simply not care what other people think? Or better yet is it possible for the thought to not even cross your mind?!

Honestly, almost nobody, maybe even nobody, is thinking anything about you at all.

Do you know where these feelings are coming from and what is the underlying cause? Some people feel this way, and others don't - neither is right or wrong, but you have learned to feel this way, and understanding why will be the first step to setting yourself free

I do value the opinion on some things from certain loved ones but I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. A strangers opinion is of absolutely no concern of mine as to what they think of me.

Yes, absolutely this. You mention upsetting people, that's different, but as for how you look or your lifestyle choices - 99% of people won't give them a second thought. For the other 1%, just remember, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Thank you Wisterical that does actually make me feel better lol. Will try remind myself that!

And true, Lottapianos, I believe talking therapy or something is what’s needed really. Probably deep rooted from childhood experiences.

I would remind myself that I'd have to have complete and utter respect for someone else before their opinion of me became of any real relevance.

Strangers? Nope. Colleagues? Not really. Deeply respected loved ones? Yes.

If I'm honest it very rarely crosses my mind. I'm content in my own skin.

I think when you fully realise that most people wouldn't care if you were dead, that's a great step towards not caring what most people think.

'And true, Lottapianos, I believe talking therapy or something is what’s needed really. Probably deep rooted from childhood experiences'

I can't recommend psychotherapy enough. If you're even mildly curious, go for it. I was in therapy for several years and it was the best thing Ive ever done for myself

Also very much agree with the point that other people think about you WAY less than you imagine, if at all, but that doesn't particularly help when you feel this way!

This.

I am in my own little world of shit in my head most of the time. I am so wrapped up in my own problems that I doubt I would notice if you ran past me naked in the street.

I think a lot of people are the same way.

Ive had a terrible year. The amount of times I’ve walked down the street just sobbing and no one has given me a second look.

I don’t care because I don’t believe that anyone else cares anyway.

You can't please everyone and you can do everything right and someone would still find something to criticise you about

To clarify I mean upsetting people with things like where I leave my bin out to get emptied, is it in someone’s road? Or if my bag is on a seat and someone wants to sit there… silly things like that, that I suppose are being considerate. But to the point I worry as if they will take it as a personal attack when it’s a harmless mistake you know?

And the small percentage of people that
do have a problem with something you do -
it usually says a lot more about them than you.

You have usually made them feel in adequate, or made them question something about themselves. It’s rarely about you.

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I’ve seen people crying and have wondered whether to stop or not. I have a couple of times. Please don’t think there are people who don’t notice or don’t care about your pain. People just don’t know how to approach another human.

I think I’ve been through so much shit that my heart has hardened and I’m numb and tired to care about what others think of me.

If you were really being considerate, your bag wouldn't be on the seat in the first place!

If it's a harmless mistake then

1. Anyone reasonable (ie most of society) will see it in that way and not think it's a "personal attack"

1. You should personally judge your actions as a harmless mistake and not exaggerate it to a "personal attack". If you haven't done anything wrong, why take overthink to such an extent?

Almost everyone cares what other people think, it’s normal - it’s part of what keeps us behaving well.

However, I’m talking about big stuff - no one gives a shit what you wear, how you look or what conversation you make - everyone is thinking about themselves, just like you.

MightAtlantic, this is exactly the kind of reaction I mean! Imagine I’m having a bad day and juggling either a toddler or have a lot of luggage etc… my things being on a seat at the moment someone wants to sit down. It automatically makes me a terrible person in their eyes. Which is why I’m always anxious and mindful of what I’m doing but sometimes things just happen that I haven’t completely thought about yet

This is so me and I’ve had so much therapy !!!
may work I’ll be chatting to a colleague and say something and then hours and hours later - I’ll think ohh no why did I say that? And I end up messaging them or saying the next day - sorry I said that and they say they don’t remember or they knew it was a joke etc.

truth is im fragile and things hurt me so I assume everyone feels the same !!

OP, what do YOU think if there is a bin on the pavement or a bag on a seat that you want to sit on?

Do you just walk round the bin (maybe muttering that its a bit inconvenient if you have a buggy) or ask the person to move the bag? Or, do you think that somebody deliberately put their bin out, or put the bag on the seat?

MagpiePi, that’s a good question. I do just think oh why is that bin there it’s in the way… sometimes I assume people just don’t want to be sat next to 😂

As someone else has suggested, it's best to find out why you feel like this. Personally, I have traced it back to my childhood and the way my father treated me. I read books and listen to podcasts that help me understand and it really does make a difference. I have learnt to accept that plenty of people will think I'm an arsehole no matter what I do - It's taken me many years to get there though!

@Respectfullydisagree The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k by Sarah Knight is worth a read.