If your DC struggled with friendships at Primary, did they find their tribe at secondary?

[Fuckitydoodah]

DS1 aged 10 is in year 5 and has been struggling with feeling left out lately. He's in a small year group and most of the boys he's always been friends with before now play football each break and lunchtime. A lot of them also attend the same out of school football club. DS isn't into football or particularly sporty. He either ends up being on his own at breaks or trying to join in, but getting jeered at because he's not as good as the rest and doesn't really know all the rules.

I've also noticed the 'football boys' have more play dates amongst themselves and DS hasn't been invited to anyone's in a while. Its like he's not in the clique.

He was very sad about it tonight. I feel sad for him. He's such a lovely kind and funny boy.

I really hope that he finds it easier at secondary with his peers having a range of interests and can find friends with the same interests as him. Please tell me this will be the case?

He'll find his tribe eventually.

Does he do any out of school activities? That could be a good way to help him find his tribe. Maybe scouts would suit him?

Yes! My son (also has additional needs) played on the periphery of everything all the way through primary school. But since his first week in secondary a little over a year ago now, has thrived. He has found a group of like minded friends and actually has a social life - something I never saw happening.

He ended up in a form with people he knew from out of school activities but still found friends from people he just met at secondary. They message, chat and meet up. It's great!

Not particularly for my two who I’m lucky have never struggled with friendship, but definitely the case for a few children of friends. They’re all at the same boys’ grammar school now and there is definitely a good amount of non sporty boys plus clubs for every interest including chess, mythology, coding etc. Your son will find his tribe eventually if you choose the right secondary school.

It was for mine. DS3 went to a two form entry primary and really struggled to make friends. He was not sporty, diagnosed as autistic at the end of year 3. He managed to make one friend in year 5, but he went to another secondary!

He’s now year 8 in a largish secondary, 300 in his year. He and his friends are a quirky little bunch, but he is pretty happy and has been able to find clubs to suit his niche interests.

I hope the same is true for your son @Fuckitydoodah

Definitely yes here, DS has a really solid group of friends at secondary and had hardly any at primary. Hang in there.

Yes. DS never played football and struggled a bit and only ever had one or two friends at primary. Now asking if he can have 11 friends over for a sleepover. 🙄

Yep my DS was similar - he ended up doing the Scouts and he made a couple of good schoolfriends doing TKD, he won't be the only one not interested in football, some kids pretend to like it and give up by the time they go into secondary. Secondary is different with a bigger range of activities/hobbies - Duke of Edinburgh, class trips and after school clubs should be encouraged - it still has its challenges but he has you, and he sounds great!