Was my Dad unreasonable?

[Alcoholquestion]

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable and am happy to be told I am. My Dad comes over Friday evenings, he always brings beers, he’s always been a big drinker, even now as a man in his mid 60’s. He offered my 16 year old son a can of beer tonight and my DS accepted, he’s never had alcohol before, apart from the odd sip of his Dads.
Should he have at least asked me first before offering him a can of beer? I don’t know if my views are normal because I don’t like alcohol myself because my Dad was a big drinker growing up and it was awkward being around him when he was drunk, my husband also drinks a fair amount too.

Whilst he should have asked you I don't think one can is an issue for a 16 year old

By a big drinker I’m guessing you mean alcoholic? Or problem drinker?
YABU to allow that behaviour around your teen. He’s learning this is ok. Even before being offered beer.

Is he an alcoholic is that what you’re saying and so is your hudband. I think it’s ok for a 16 year old to have a can of beer, but if your dad is an alkie then you married one, I can see your concern

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if ds was with me and had a beer.
I occasionally buy him alcohol and he'll have 1 with DH sometimes.
I don't let him drink regularly though

I don’t think a can for the 16 year old is a problem, but it absolutely wasn’t your dad’s call. Why on earth didn’t you call him on it?

I'd say talk to your son about responsible drinking.

I would have a huge issue with this tbh, mainly because of the example your son is being set. I agree one can isn't such a big deal but one can so he can drink along with Grandad who can't even visit without bringing alcohol is a massive issue. Your Dad isn't someone I would want my 16 year old being around regularly and I certainly wouldn't want them buddying up to drink together.

Random question - why does your dad come round every Friday evening?

Have you asked him to come, or does he invite himself?

It’s not like it was a special occasion so there is no need for a 16 year old to have it as just an ordinary drink.

Really sad.

I would be angry at a 'big drinker' (which means alcohol dependent presumably?) encouraging my child to drink.

Because he is her Dad? What a weird question

I think my Dad is alcohol dependant yes, his parents were big drinkers too. My husband drinks about 3-4 times a week but he’ll have about 4 cans of beer during that evening. My son is a sensible boy, he’s never smoked or vaped and I’ve discussed responsible drinking with him in the past and the effects alcohol has on the body. I did tell my Dad that he shouldn’t have offered unless my son asked but he said there’s nothing wrong with him having the odd drink.

My son doesn’t sit drinking with him, he was making himself some food and he took the can of beer upstairs to his room. My Dad does have a good relationship with my son and they often do things together like bike rides etc. I will speak to my Dad and tell him not to offer my son beer unless he asks, it’s the first time he’s offered it to him.

4 cans of beer 3-4 times a week is probably something that needs addressing as well tbf

Yes i have, I can’t control what someone drinks but I can raise concerns. He doesn’t see the issue, he does sometimes have weeks off but he does drink too much in my opinion.

You can’t control it but you can choose not to allow it round your son. This is one way alcohol problems go down the generations.

Her son is 16 @Wolfiefan there would be very little point in the OP leaving her dh now because her dh drinks 3/4 cans a few nights a week.

Just tell your dad you don't want him offering ds cans unless it's christmas.

It is not a weird question at all. I was trying to ascertain whether he is an entitled arse who just turns up every week and dumps himself and his beer on the OP's sofa, even though she doesn't want him there. Some parents are overbearing and have no boundaries around their adult dc's homes, and let themselves in willy-nilly.

@TheMorigoul who said leave the DH?? I’m talking about her own father who clearly has issues with drink.