I don't like who I am at work

[bravelittletiger]

I don't know why but I'm such a different person at work than I am at home. I say awkward or rude or random stuff and find myself thinking "what am I saying?!" Or try to be funny and just don't sound funny at all!! Is anyone else like this?! At home and with my friends I'm chilled and supportive and just more normal but I find work and being around colleagues totally exhausting and soul destroying because I end up not feeling like myself at all!

I know what you mean, OP. Some people don't bring out the best in us and, at work, we're forced to spend time alongside those who might not usually be people we would choose to spend time with. I think it's also one of those things that you say something you don't like once and notice it, and then you're more alert to the next infraction. And then you're uncomfortable, making it more likely you'll do the same thing again. It a spiral sort of thing.

At home, or with friends, you're relaxed and if you said something you might deem cringeworthy, you barely notice. You just move on.

Moving on is harder when you're less comfortable.

Yup … me ! It’s that school yard trying to fit in crap when really we should just be who we are …. I always say embarrassing things and then beat myself up for ages !!!

With age I’m learning to be more silent and people say oh your quiet when I’m really not just don’t feel (or am trying to) not feel like I need to be included in the ‘cool’ or fun work people

It's probably just that you're in a working environment that's very unsuited to you with people who are not similar.
What do you do? What do you wish you did?

It's a form of social anxiety, most people have it in certain situations

For example I'm a very jokey/ditsy person in everyday life (and I make very inappropriate jokes) - I find it REALLY hard to tone this down in a work environment so I end up getting anxious and still making jokes that don't land and coming off nervy (I'm not nervy at all, very steady in normal life)

I'm not at all people pleasing but I most commonly see people trying very hard to be liked - any chance you're doing that?

This is why I've worked for myself for 20 years

PLUS you're probably a bit like me, introverted.

I find being around more than one person at a time turns me into an animated social butterfly- which is incredibly tiring if you're introverted

I definitely have my work face on-very different to my real self. Much more cautious about what I say, fit in for a quiet life and rarely disagree with people. At home, we have lively debates around the dinner table, I swear and tell inappropriate jokes. I really like my colleagues but wouldn’t call them friends and avoid socialising with them as I don’t want to do work things without being paid. My daughter thinks that’s weird as she loves to socialise with her colleagues and counts them as friends. Me, I like to keep strict boundaries around work and home-maybe that is weird but it works for me.