Can’t settle-ex accused me of child neglect

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Ex P has court-ordered contact every Wednesday night and every second weekend. He takes it up about 75% of the time but regularly changes dates, cancels last minute and brings dd back hours, if not a full day, early when he does take up his weekend of contact, or collects her a day late.

I have already had a very low day, I have bipolar disorder and am not very well at the moment (change in meds). He has sent me messages this evening accusing me of child neglect. Dd has eczema behind her ears and I forgot to put cream on it after swimming both yesterday and on Monday. As a result it has cracked at school today. He is RAGING.

He has also sent messages accusing me of not drying her hair with a hairdryer, not administering antibiotics correctly (I did administer it correctly, he just didn’t believe that she should take it 4 times a day) and has accused me of neglecting her needs because I don’t shout at her (which is true, but I do enforce boundaries and deal with behaviour appropriately through using a stern, firm voice and consequences), so I’m failing on that front too.

I just feel utterly wretched. I know he has caught me at my lowest ebb anyway, but I just feel horrendous, and unfit to be a parent. I feel so low.

The other things are trivial nonsense but forgetting to put cream on her eczema is something you so need to get to grips with and not forget.

However, it’s still not child neglect so any complaint he made at will be seen as being malicious.

You need to be in a better emotional state for yourself, for your daughter and to cope and deal with your ex.

You are not unfit to be a parent, you’ve said yourself that the change in medication has made you feel out of sorts, so you do recognise that you’re struggling because of that and not any core failure as you being a parent.

Now would be a good idea to get yourself organised by writing g sown and checking off what needs to be done such as the cream for the eczema.

Use the mask was if your ex to make you stronger and get on top of things.

When your mind is in turmoil it’s so easy to forget things so a check or to
do list will really help you.

Rise above him, he’s a twerp and you’re a loving mum trying to do your best in difficult circumstances.

I'm sorry you've got an arsehole for an ex he sounds abusive. Write down everything he's accusing you of and mention his failings (not to him).

He is your ex and using this contact to overstep boundaries with you.

I would shut it down immediately
Something like limiting contact to date and time arrangements only.

But also work on your health, talk to your child about if they are ok and make sure you are on the ball and coping.
If you aren't get some help.
But do not involve him, explain yourself to him or allow him to interfere beyond what is specified in your agreement.
Ultimately If he is using these contacts to abuse you then you can renegotiate the terms of the contact so that he talks to a third person.

Good luck. Keep you and your child safe.

Is he your ex because he’s an abusive piece of shit?

it all sounds very familiar - I had this sort of crap but now am 100% grey rock.

he’s called me a shit mother because I “should’ve got a foot cut stitched” and now it’s left a fair scar.

can you guess who was looking after the child when the accident actually happened? 😂

they’ll come out with any old shite. I spoke to WA who helped me understand it was 100% abuse - I didn’t think it was because at my breaking point we’d been separated 4 years so I didn’t see it as abuse. But it is.

he’s still full of his nonsense but I just ignore these days or feign confusion eg “I’m shocked you think I would EVER stop you buying an extra pair of winter shoes” type thing.

he’s a knob, you’re not.

My ex husband takes every opportunity he can to make me out to be a shit mum. He stalks me and makes up outrageous stories about me. And he's outright told DD that I don't love her.

He's the shit parent. I wouldn't do that to my child.

It's easy to be the perfect parent 50 days a year

It's given me cptsd so I can well understand your distress. Parenting is hard enough as it because you naturally beat yourself up anyway.

Try and keep a record of everything but then only allow yourself to have set periods of worrying. And I sometimes practice what I'd say to him in my car to release my anger, embarrassingly enough.

He's the knob head here, not you.

I don't even own a hair dryer. He would have me reported to child services for neglect immediately. Although, he would be reassured that I quite regularly get overwhelmed and shout at my children - what an amazing parent I am!