Snapped at baby and he cried himself to sleep

[hollyjol]

I feel like the worst mother right now and I'm really upset with myself. DS has been with my mum all day while I've been at work, she looks after him weekly but today she said he hadn't been himself and off his food, getting upset easily etc. he's got a cold at the minute and could possibly be teething. I picked him up just about 20 to 6 and he's been whingey ever since. I got him ready for bed at half 6 as he seemed overtired, had half his usual milk and I cuddled him to sleep like we do every night but he just kept crying. My mum had gave him calpol so I can't give him anymore yet. Finally thought he was asleep then he started crying again so I snapped and said quite loudly for god sake stop crying and go to sleep will you, he then cried louder. I put him down in his bed left the room for 10/15 mins so I could go for a wee, get out my work clothes and quickly grab a snack as I've been too busy at work to eat a proper lunch and he's finally asleep after crying himself to sleep.

I'm by myself mon-fri as DP works away and I'm finding it tough working long days (only 3 days though) and then doing everything else on top. DP has bags more patience with him with things like this and does pretty much everything for him as soon as he gets home so I do get a break from it all. I feel incredibly guilty and selfish. He really is a lovely little boy in general, happy and loving but can also be hard work at the minute, if he doesn't get what he wants or I take something off him he's not meant to have then all hell breaks loose (I thought all that started around 2?). I don't know why I'm posting this. He's 13 months, is it normal to find this stage a struggle? Is he going to remember I snapped at him when he was clearly already upset?

I don’t know why you would walk off and leave him to cry himself to sleep after you’d presumably scared him?

All sounds perfectly normal. Doesn't stop the guilt though and I doubt he'll remember. Nor will it even factor on the scale of some of the telling offs he'll have and will remember.

I don’t know why you would walk off and leave him to cry himself to sleep after you’d presumably scared him?

What a horrible, unnecessary response to a mum who's clearly very stressed. OP, it's fine. Your baby's fine. It won't have traumatised him. Going and do something nice for yourself like having a bath.

Just say sorry Mommy shouted last night in the morning. It happens - you’re human! Repair and reconnection is the way to build strong bonds with children. Sounds like he was tired and just needed to sleep!

And sorry, bold fail for the quote!

He really really won’t remember.
It will all be ok @hollyjol
You are not a terrible mum. We’ve all snapped at some point.
A bath is a good idea, and have a nice day tomorrow. Don’t fret.

Please ignore the posters who are criticising you. You're a human being and it's hard being a mum sometimes. Your baby will be absolutely fine. Lots of hugs and smiles in the morning and it will all be forgotten.

I can't imagine there are many people that have not snapped at their baby at some point. He was over tired, and ended up going to sleep, which is what he really needed. Don't beat yourself up. He will be absolutely fine after the nights sleep that he clearly needed!

Some terrible comments, I suspect trolls op.

You did the right thing in putting him somewhere safe and taking a breather.
You are human, you are perfectly imperfect and you have a lot on, give your little boy a big kiss goodnight and whisper how much you love him

It sounds like he was exhausted so the sleep will do him good. Have a bath be kind to yourself and try to treat yourself as a friend.

He won't remember. And much easier for your husband to be 'more patient' when he isn't doing it day in day out. Don't beat yourself upand ignore these very unhelpful posters who - even though they claim they'd never snap at a baby - clearly have no problem taking a swipe at someone who is very stressed and upset.

Tomorrow is another day

You’ve had some harsh replies here op, don’t beat yourself up. You followed the correct advice by leaving the room as you felt cross. Better to remove yourself and calm than it escalate. HCP literally tell people to walk away - it’s fine. If you ignored his crying all the time and were merrily sat eating a steak downstairs happy as Larry whilst he sobbed then yes I’d judge you, but you snapped (who hasn’t) left the room to use the loo, calmed down and returned.

should you have snapped, probably not, does it happen, yes. And clearly you’re so upset about it you won’t let it happen again.

So you shouted at and scared your sick and already upset baby, then just walked off and left him to cry himself to sleep?

Yeah, there’s a reason you feel guilty. Listen to it.

Because she needed a wee and was hungry and stressed.

The baby was physically safe while he was in his cot. It's better for an adult to put the baby down and walk away than snap again.

Ignore the trolly comments OP.
We've all been there...believe me! You did the right thing by walking away and I always used to say that I'm no use to anyone if I'm not looking after myself first (ie getting a snack if im hungry or going for a wee if im desperate)
Don't feel guilty and start afresh tomorrow. Hope he feels better in the morning Xx

Stop worrying about it, we have all done it from time to time, you are human, its only the total saints on mumsnet who are appalled

Err because she had urgent basic human needs to see to (toilet, food, comfort). I reckon you're a tollololol.

OP you left your baby in a safe place while you sorted yourself out. He was tired, you put him to bed and he went to sleep - job done! Time to relax, this is absolutely no big deal.

Couldn't read and run.

Some of these comments are awful and made me tear up a little and it's not even about me.

I think the majority of us have been there my lovely. You are doing amazing. It must be so hard on your own especially when working also.

He won't remember. Give him a big hug in the morning and say sorry for shouting. It's all about the repair like someone else has said.

Please ignore the horrible comments❤️

Some of the replies on here are very harsh, I think.

OP I have been in your shoes lots of times. I love my little boy to bits and would consider myself to be a kind and gentle person but every once in a while everything just all gets too much and I snap. Often it's not even him or his behaviour that has got my goat; it's something else entirely but the poor little man is on the receiving end of my snap.

Please don't beat yourself up over it. And don't promise (even to yourself) that it won't happen again. It might. You're human. I like the suggestion by a PP that you apologise to him - I try to do this to my DS when I am not proud of something I've said or done. I think it is useful for small people to hear big people apologise.

You did the right thing. You were struggling to cope (understandable it is bloody hard when they cry for a long time), you had already verbally snapped so you put him in a safe space and took some time out.

Absolutely 100% the right thing to do. When he wakes I'm sure you will cuddle him.

While we should of course respond to their needs and not leave them to cry, doing so occasionally out of necessity will not do any harm.

It is advised that if you aren't coping or are close to snapping, that you leave baby in a safe place and go calm down. OP did the safest thing.

I think you recognised to late that your lack of self care contributed to you reaching the end of your tether, so went to remedy the situation, which is also fine, you can't pour from an empty cup. Next time you know to eat/change/go to the loo before you start. Just apologise and move on.

I also strongly suspect trolling because losing your patience and snapping occasionally is human and actually normal parenting.

It is always recommended that if you feel on the edge you leave your dc safely in the cot and take a short break to regroup.

He won't remember. Next time focus on recognizing when you are about to snap and leave for a little bit.

There are no perfect parents.

The OP has said she feels like the worst mother right now. She's said she feels guilty.

The nasty people on this thread laying into the OP really need to look at their very not perfect selves.

OP, from now on you know it's important to look after yourself, so you can look after your child. You need to have a wee and eat and try not to get stressed, and then you'll be the best parent you can.

Ignore the trolls, OP.

He won't remember. It's ok to give yourself a break sometimes.

I can’t believe some of these horrible
replies! OP you are not a bad person,
you’re a human.

Your baby was safe, fed, warm etc. You needed a wee and some food - it’s ok to have needs when you are a mum!

Honestly your little boy won’t remember this. Just give him an extra big squish in the morning, and remember we’re all just doing our best, none of us are perfect (not even the judgy PPs on here!)