Teen arsey-ness - ignore or react?

[TeenARama]

14 yr old DD is really having her moments.

She’s decided that at times I’m the devil incarnate. So, my question is, when she’s making things up, what do we do? Yesterday’s example was to tell me I was laughing hysterically at DH in a mean way, when we were just chatting and giggling about his slightly daft thought. It was slightly at his expense but he was fine. Nothing major but DD blows it into a massive thing about how DH is scared to stand up for himself.

So, DH and I have a different opinion on how to react when she makes something like this up when all three of us are in the room together.

One of us thinks we just ignore it
The other thinks this is tacit agreement with her

Ive suggested to DH that I ask you lot. ☺️

I think I'd go for matter of fact correction. So, in the example you gave - a short 'there was no hysterical laughter - please don't exaggerate'. And move on.

That’s what we did and she just kept on bringing it up. I should have mentioned that.

"our answer isn't going to change. You're allowed to feel however you want to feel but forcing that on others is rude" then ignore. If she kicks off about being ignored just remind her, " I have told you our feelings won't change, what is repeating yourself going to achieve? I understand you feel this type of way over it but we don't, end of discussing. Any more of it will be faced with a brick wall"

In that case, I think I might reiterate once - 'I've already said 'don't exaggerate'. And then ignore.

However, as a persistent thing, it's something you might discuss with her seriously but not in the heat of the moment.

If it's been corrected and she's still doing it, I would ignore. But, whoever she's picking on, the other person should back up. So if she's saying you're being mean to DH, DH should immediately step in and correct. Vice versa if it's aimed at DH.
It's very important you both put up a good team front. Even if you maybe don't feel it. She's testing boundaries and even if you don't see it, it'll make her feel safe to know you're a strong team and have a strong relationship.
It's very hard but this period teaches them a lot about what to expect from their own relationships in the future.
If your DH wants her to have high standards, I would show her what expectations she should have of her future partners by way of example.
I think far too many parents use the 'thats your mother, have some respect' rather than, ' that's my wife and I love her, I don't appreciate you treating her like this'.
But you have lots of hugs from me. DD is 14 and being a massive pain. I seems this year 10 is a year behind. Normally year 9 is the year of the bitchy teen girl. Not in my house sadly.