Managing 4 days work, teenagers, life - how?

[FallenFigs]

I'm preparing to return to work 4 days a week, having had some time off for study.

I'm slightly panicking about to fit everything in - and how to be a good parent - whilst working 4 days/week.

How do you manage it and feel like you are doing things well? In particular, I'm worrying about how to support/be present for teenagers when really pushed for time? They are home from school by 3.30pm and would spend hours on devices if left to their own (ahem) devices. However, they have homework to do (that also requires light supervision to minimise distractions, hello YouTube). But I want to avoid my time at home with them being a constant nudge to get homework done etc.

Basically I have a few weeks to get the teenagers trained and work out a routine and some rules that will help us all feel like we are making the best of life, not skidding through it. So I'm interested in others experiences and how they make it work.

I'd be out of the house from 7.15 until around 5.30 two to three days per week, and one day from home. Would still need to fit 8 hours work into the wfh home day - so still needing to work (productively) in the post school time.

So for example, do any of you who do this have your kids cook meals whilst you are commuting home? How do you do it and still manage a social life? Is there something obvious I'm missing in how to make this run smoothly and not be exhausted?

My eldest just wouldn't dare to get distracted, he knows he's not allowed on devices on a school night and wouldn't occur to him to do otherwise because that's his personality and what I have drummed into him since he was 5 (I've always worked), he's allowed on YouTube on the TV so he would do that after. I suspect my youngest (still only primary though) is the one that will push the boundaries more, but he's smart enough to know to get the homework done and then go on the device for fun! Knowing his personality anyway! I've always worked though, and DH works away, so we've always had to set quite hard boundaries to get everything done, none of us have known any different. When Covid was going on my eldest had to be trusted to take the laptop to his room and log on and off teams when required, get the homework done etc, between working full time and home schooling a younger child that was as far thin as I could spread, he did brilliantly and probably set him up in good stead for high school tbh.

I work 3.5 days, going up to 4 in Feb. DC are yr7 and yr11. The three nights I'm not in they are on devices, but TBH I'm not bothered. I'm happy to give any support needed with homework while cooking or after dinner. Even the y11 has at most an 1-2 hours nightly, so there's time.

Sorry you're looking for specific pointers, it's a bit tricky as eldest does tend to just do as he's told (I'm not blessed with that trait in my youngest!) the xbox is my main leverage though, they're not allowed it on a school night, and if they misbehave in the week they get less of it on the weekend, that carries a fair amount of weight. My eldest also has a relatively healthy monthly allowance, if he started slacking in the week that would also be adjusted.

My youngest will likely need more of a steer when he gets to high school, he would need quite a prescriptive list if I wasn't there to nudge him on to the next thing. But if the list was there and I checked the work after I think he'd be fine. I don't need to check my eldest's and haven't since he was primary, but I would be surprised if I could get away with that with my youngest...

If you don't have these boundaries and routines now whilst you have not been working I am not sure why you think you will have them when you are working outside the home? In real life you will do your best and the kids will do some but not all of what you ask. Suddenly becoming a strict parent is unlikely to happen or work without lots of arguments especially if you have never parented in this way by now.

I get in at about 4pm every day, but I barely see my DC until they surface for dinner, about 6pm. They have downtime, usually TV/switch after school (yr 9 & yr 7).

I do sit with DD1 whilst she does Maths, but other than that and reminders I don't get involved in homework.

It being cold now means we spend much more time after dinner all together in the living room where the fire is!

Your main problem seems to be your concern that the kids won't do their homework.
At secondary school- fine. Let them deal with the consequences. They may surprise you. Have a chat- point out that they're mature enough to be left alone for a couple of hours 4 times a week, you trust them to plan their studies and get the work done.
See what happens.
I'm a secondary teacher and in fairness, we don't really expect parents to be needing to monitor homework.
If you find they aren't doing it, then implement the measures you need to.
Tbf, if they get home at 3.30, expecting them to have done their homework by the time you get in would be a bit rigid anyway. My DD would have a couple of hours break and then do hers. As long as it gets done...

Surely you don't e pect them to get in from school and crack on with their homework straight away? Mine have always got food and their phones and disappeared upstairs for a couple of hours. Same when I was at school although I wouldn't get in until 5pm, my two used to be home from school by 2.45!

Not just homework, generally helping, not just coming home, spending hours on devices on their own on then being in a fug.

I agree with other posters , homework is up to them . Mine are y1-and y 13 so now hyper aware of the consequences. 5.30 is not late, plan meals that can be ready in 30 mins during the week. Kids know that they need to get on with homework before tea. We usually eat about 6.30/7 and if homework done we watch something together. I'll sometimes ask my DH or dd to cook tea or start it off and if I"m going out they fend for themselves
You will all need to be involved in getting jobs done and organising the week ahead at the weekend
Enjoy your job it'll be ok

Don’t worry. My DS does get distracted. I just make sure his homework is done by bedtime but i also work full time so don’t micromanage. He has to learn himself to avoid distractions

Eldest helps with unloading the dish washer after dinner, what else do you need them to do? If you've not put responsibilities on them before I would just start with their homework and bedroom. But remember it's 2 hours, you're not going to get them to do homework and chores in 2 hours prior to coming home, they need downtime too.

I don't police my year 7. He does come home and sit on his phone which I think is OK after day at school. He gets detention if he doesn't do homework so that's on him. If I find him doing it late then he gets in trouble and he doesn't get treats like gaming or time with friends at the weekend. It's not some big punishment thing he just knows I'm less inclined to say yes when he has been uncooperative.

I listen in on him actually doing music practice when I'm making tea. I've always worked 4 days a week now its mostly from home but that means when I'm not running them to activities I have to work later.

I batch cook on my day off and buy foods that are quick or easy to prepare like stir fry or this week I bought a ready bake lasagna as a treat and cooked 2 dishes curry and meatballs on a Monday that do for multiple nights. Wednesday is usually tin and toast night because we have so many activities.

I have a cleaner and we always tidy up getting the kids to help.

You just get on with it and don't spend time hand wringing about what a bad job you do. It's a good job to raise independent adults so you don't need to helicopter your dc constantly.

I stepped up to full time when my 3 were in secondary. We had a dishwasher emptying rota because that was the one thing that I really hated, coming home to a full dishwasher when they'd all been home for a couple of hours. I also got them to help with hanging out and/or taking in laundry. They were all responsible for their own homework, but with my youngest, a DS, I did have rules about X box use during the week. I've never really got them to help with dinner, but planning ahead what you're going to cook makes a huge difference, and asking them to chop the onions or peel the potatoes etc when you're on your way home would probably be a good idea.

Mine has been doing this since she was in year 7. I've always worked full time in a job that requires to me to work at home some evenings/weekend too.

She gets in, makes a snack, does her homework some time in the evening. Probably spends too much time on YouTube. Until lockdown I also took her to gymnastics 2 evenings a week.

I have one ight out mid week for a hobby and go out on Saturdays. I always have an early night on a Friday because I'm knackered. Its very rare I do anything else.

She's always loved cooking so she does at least one meal a week. Usually two now that she's in 6th form. Usually a stir fry or curry she's made from scratch.

I Hte dishwashers so I wash up and she dries/clears the draining board. Her laundry is always in the basket and she does other washing if she needs it.

It was the same withy son whose since left home amd lives independently. It's not a bad life skill to enable them to be independent... 😉

I'm afraid I can't really relate to you because my 2 did all this right from the off and none of the bad habits crept in. I simply would not have allowed them to nipped in the bud at the time.

My 2 x ds's I have barely any intervention with her homework. I just occasionally check is everything ok, are you on top of anything / you need any help with anything and they both say no and they're on top of anything and they just get it done.

Batch cooking is your friend I often bye a ton of meatballs and say make 45 bags of meatballs so I can just pull out a bag in the morning and then when I get home spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread is ready to go. Infact when I cook anything, chilli, curry, anything I always make at least 2 portions, normally 3.

I suggest you sit them down and have a family meeting and tell them things are going to change because mummy's new job starts. and this a/b/and c, is what you're going to need them to do. and then spell it out to them : when they come home, You don't expect them to lounge around, expect them to do some homework by the time you get home.

Let them take some responsibility and stop mollycoddling them.

You seem way too invested in carrots and 'win win' situations, rather than instilling actual self discipline, good routines and insistence that homework and showers come before free time and wifi. You can't always rely on carrots to get teenagers into a good routine. It needs to start early, and it has to be fixed.

We have a cast iron rule here the wifi stays off until the homework is done, showers have been completed and everything is packed and ready for the next day. Uniforms are checked and ready, and they have eaten something healthy. It is a way of life, and a good skill to learn how to be organised, prepared and get the important stuff done first.

I don't understand why you are letting them sit around on you tube when they should be doing stuff. Completing homework, tidying up, getting showered and generally applying themselves at home. You are being far too lax in my view. Kids can't and won't automatically learn how to self regulate anything, they need to be shown and supported.

Over the next few weekends you can cook together, some them so easy and fast dishes. My teens like Quinoa and cous cous which are easy to cook, rice and jacket potatoes. You can show them how to grill meats on the George Foreman and I would devise a meal plan with them so they can choose but it is laid out on Sunday night, so you can stock the right ingredients. I would have soups, pasta and some noodles on standby and some cereals. My dc cook lots of meals now and I expect them to take care of at least one meal a day.

If your dc are home by 3.30pm they can organise some supper (hopefully for you as well) have a shower each, and you can sit down with them to help with homework once you are home if you usually help. In your position that is what I would do. Just grab a hot chocolate, put something comfortable on and sit down with them for a while/check over their work. You will still have time to put on a wash, a quick tidy and prep for the next day. Teens needs to do it themselves, but you can over see things. Ultimately you need to be working towards a goal of the dc completing all homework themselves, because they care about and are aware of deadlines not because you are nagging them. They need to become self sufficient and this is a good time to learn.

My 2 are on their phones, play x box tonnes. But since they were born! They knew the rules: once all your homework, all your jobs are done, then your time is your own.

OP, where have you been. In la-la-land. These are basic principals that you instill in primary.

Do you not recognise that you now have a bigger hill to climb here? You need to give this more thought. Because to change this is going to take a lot of extra effort on your part and you need to go into this, having already recognised that.

I'm out of the house 8.30- 6.30/6.45, 4 or 5 days a week and my DC are 13 and 16.
They probably are on their devices when they get in from school but I used to have a homework app so I knew when the younger DC was set h/w and could remind him to do it.
They don't cook meals while I'm out but I do sometimes get them involved when I get in, otherwise its fairly late dinner time.
DD is doing creative A levels so she is often on Spotify or listening to music but painting/drawing etc. DS is much more easily distracted although he has screen limits on the ipad.

You have to let them manage their own homework schedule now. If they don't do it, there will be consequences at school (detention). Let them feel that pain if they're not organised. It's good preparation for future life post school. Time to step back.

I work 4 days a week, but f/t condensed hours. I have year 7 and year 9 children, I don't police their phone usage or homework - they learned what needs to be done by when and if they leave it all to the last minute then that's up to them. They are doing ok! And have learned to self regulate. Food, my dh sorts out but they get themselves a snack before dinner so not really an issue if she didn't do it.