To have a 3rd baby...

[ChenisteM]

Hi all, how many of you have more than 2 children?
My kids are almost 5, 2 and a half and I'm back an forth on whether to have a 3rd...
My eldest has autism, not that that'd stop me and I've one boy and a girl.
I know my daughter would be an amazing big sister. She's very interested and aware of babies. I do worry it'd be another big change in life but he's now at primary school and doing well.
In theory theyd be at least 5 and 3 before a baby arrives.
How many do you have and what ages?
Is 3 much harder than 2 or by then are you a dab hand? Haha x

No one needs more than 2.

Says who?
They are not pets these are humans yeah....

Are you suggesting those with only one kid don't provide a loving home? 🤔

Thats your prioritese. Holidays abroad are not a given and necessity at all!

I am one of 3 and we went abroad once every 5 years. By parents worked hard to provide us with a good life and I loved it. They were hands on and a lot of my best memories are doing things for FREE. Not everyone is obsessed with materialism

Now aged mid 30s I never think "oh i wish my parents bought me tonnes of crap and took me on tonnes of holidays abroad".
I had the best childhood ever. It was simple.but rich with a loving family.

Not everyone is obsessed with materialism

Yeah that's me, obsessed!

It's not just money. It's time, attention, space. Also, money sometimes buys things that are important, like a larger house, car, support and counselling if needed. OP already has a child with SEN. As do I. Being able to buy support rather than asking for the sparse, shit support for free has entirely changed DD's life.

But yes, I'm clearly a shallow, money grubbing arsehole.

I have 3 and love it (them).

I have three boys, 9, 12 and 12. It is hard work, they argue - a lot! Holiday costs make my eyes water. The car is full and they always fight in the back together so I have to sit in the back with 2 of them. I love my kids and wouldn't change any of them but I do wonder what life I could have given my twins if I'd stopped at them, more to do with my time and energy though, rather than money.

It’s hard to give individual attention to each child when there are 3 and 2 adults.

My oldest are 5 and 3 it impacts on what they can do having baby 15months, it’s hard work!

I certainly don’t think it gets easier the more you have, it’s harder there are more of them, more to do! Also my third baby was the hardest to feed/sleep, etc. so babies don’t get easier they are all different!

On the news recently they were saying that it is 5 times more expensive to raise a child with a disability.

Thanks everyone.
I appreciate the decision is mine but I was interested to hear views.
We are prepared to be honest financially, got a 7 seater car already as we regularly camp throughout summer and holiday at parkdeans/havens in winter. However, I appreciate another child would impact on the space in the car too!
I've always said I wouldn't put my eldest through another baby as he really struggled with the transition as expected with ASD. He has since made really great progress though so who knows... Still quite a gamble though and at his expense which doesn't sit well with me.
My daughter though who's 2 would be an absolute delight with a younger sibling. I just know it.
I think as im typing this I know the real answer and that's I can't risk the impact on my son.
I really appreciate all your posts guys.
Thanks x

Says the planet and anyone with a brain and who cares about the future for today's children

Can't believe all your friends have FOUR children. Irresponsible or what! Do none of them care about the future of the planet or their children? The future looks pretty bleak with climate change, rising sea levels, food and water shortages and idiots keep adding adding adding adding more and more children just because they selfishly want them is not helping

That is a very nasty comment. Calling my mates idiots. The only one I see is you.
Stop spewing your incorrect propganda and go be miserable elsewhere. Go torment your poor family members.

There are countries in the world who are begging for people to have children i.e JAPAN look it up you uncultured uneducated person. Seriously get a clue a grow a few brain cells.

Actually no.

Nearly all.media outlets have reported a drip in birth rates is detrimental to society. This was released after
The lockdown. The drop will have NEGATIVE effects. Go look up the birth crises in Japan. They are begging for people to have babies.
So go read and educate yourself and stop spewing misinformation becuase you hate babies and people.
Go live in the jungle by yourself and be miserable alone.

*are

Hi OP

The only thing I would think about is that I’ve found my DC with SEN has needed more support as he has gone further through the school system. It’s hard to express just how much time, energy and emotion it’s taken ( I don’t particularly mean DC but engaging with schools and professionals to try and get his needs met). He is in mainstream and seemed to be doing fine at 5.

Im a single parent and I’m really aware of how this has made giving my other DC the time and input they need.

however only you know your DC and I do know several happy families with 3 DC and additional needs.

Yes another to say think carefully but I have three and love it but eldest with dyslexia and ASD - it’s very hard. As the pp says there’s loads of work engaging with professionals and fighting for their case with local authority for EHCp funding… loads of appointments… secondary transition is hard on them and the family as having to devote so much time to it others miss out… also my dc3 is possibly ASD too- it is very hard at times… but I am still glad we had three.

We’ve stopped at 2 DC. 7 year old DS and 5 year old DD. I know my DD would be an incredible big sister, but the thing is, there’s so many things we like to do as a family now that we wouldn’t be able to do with a baby.

I follow someone on Instagram (I know, I know) she has 2 boys similar age to DS and DD and then a baby boy. She gets invited to a lot of events, and has been on several (fabulous looking) holidays this year and posted about them. Fine, good for her. But the baby always gets left with grandparents.
And I realised, that would be us. We’d essentially carry on as a family of 4, leaving the baby with grandparents when he / she didn’t fit in with our plans. And I couldn’t, in good conscience, do that. A baby isn’t an accessory to have, and leave behind when it doesn’t suit.

Not suggesting you’d do that, OP, but I worry that we’d either do that, or DS & DD would miss out on things because it wouldn’t be suitable for the baby to go. Or they’d go with DH and I’d be left at home with the baby and we’d miss out on family time.

There have been lots of sensible points raised here, and as you said the risk of putting your oldest through a massive change again is a big factor.

To add another perspective (which may not be helpful!) I grew up one of two, and my brother has ASD and a learning disability. As a child my parents worked very hard to ensure I never felt he got more focus, however as an adult it can feel very lonely at times. I know the responsibility of caring for him will be mine when my parents die, and I wish for a sibling to share the load. I also wish for a sibling to offload to when my parents are infuriating!

As PP have said, you may have another child with SEN, or your daughter and the next child may have an awful relationship. It's a gamble.

FairyLightsNotJustForChristmas
your perspective want my experience at all, I never left my 3rd DC with their grandparents and I found the baby years flew by. Before you know it the ‘baby’ is at school.
I was fortunate to be able to travel a lot with my babies and toddlers.

I really value education and I think that it's especially important during the primary school years. How do you teach them to read with several little ones running around? How do you help them with homework if you have toddlers climbing on everything? I'd like more than two but I can't fathom how you manage 1 to 1 time with lots of kids!

I went with a third when mines were 2 and 4 and had twins. Four little ones was brutal and I got divorced; we had competitive stress issues. They are all lovely and good fun now they are older though. I’d definitely have a big think about you’d cope with twins or another child with additional needs first.

Would you feel differently big your dad has autism? I have two girls who weren't diagnosed until teens.

How do you teach them to read with several little ones running around? I found the younger one learnt to read when I was teacher the older ones.