Experience of ADHD in children

[staybyyou]

DS has always been a bit of a tricky character but now he's 4 I'm starting to wonder if there is more to it. He's only just started school and as far as I'm aware he's doing well there, but at home he is such a handful. Lots of things are coming together, he is bouncing (literally) from the moment he wakes, talks a lot, needs a lot of adult input, can be physically over the top - struggles to stop when told 'no', not very cuddly, struggles with loud noises and transitions (drops offs or being 'rushed' out of the door), is obsessed with certain programs/characters, needs things 'just so' a lot of the time including clothing and toys and struggles to sit still. However if engaged and busy he's mostly fine, does enjoy writing and drawing, play doh, Lego etc so can sit if directed. He obviously has limited impulse control like some NT 4yos. Don't know if this is something diagnosable or if he's just a normal young boy who needs a lot of exercise....

If you have experience of ADHD or similar please could you share. I feel a bit lost and go between thinking he will just 'grow up' and wondering if it will become less manageable.

He’s too young to diagnose adhd, it’s usually 6 before they’ll even consider it. As you say some of his behaviour whilst could be adhd in an older child it could also just be NT behaviour in a 4 yr old.
just keep an eye on him, see what school think as time goes on. School don’t need a diagnosis to make reasonable adjustments for him if he needs them (fidget toys, movement breaks etc) although these shouldn’t be needed at his age as he’s not “desk learning” yet.

Thanks @Brendabigbaps

That makes me feel a little more relaxed about not pushing things before we need to. We have parents evening next week so it will be interesting to hear what they say. Both nurseries he's been to have never raised any concerns either, nor has his new childminder. Maybe he's just pushing boundaries where he feels safest, and trying to regain some control as I suspect there is some anxiety mixed in for good measure.

My DD is dyspraxic which does cross over with ADHD and it was fairly clear there was something there. One of the things she struggles with was being rushed - her older sister I could grab out the cot throw clothes on and get to nursery.

She needed to wake up and transition in her own time.

I actually have dyspraxia @Whycanineverever so that's interesting.

It doesn't sound like DD's ADHD but it doe sound like there could be something. However, the wonderful thing about parenting for DC with NDs is that it works for DC who are NT too. So managing transitions, simple instructions, repeated with one word, respect for sensitivities etc.

Do that and see where he is in a few months.

I do suspect she may have ADHD as well but nothing diagnosed.

She also has sensory issues on sound and textures.

Really fussy on food.

She was diagnosed at 6 but I started referral when she was coming up 5.

Did you do it privately @Whycanineverever or did you go through the NHS?

He is quite sound sensitive (fireworks and hand dryers) but actually very loud himself. He shouts a lot, sometimes in play, sometimes in frustration. I am actually going to get his hearing checked as he asks us to repeat things a lot, which is contrary to the sensitivity.

Food he's pretty ok with, defo just normal 4 yo fussiness there.

@MrsTerryPratchett can I ask why it doesn't sound like your DD? I've read about other disorders and think he's kind of on the periphery. Maybe just highly strung

Mine has completely classic boy-type ADHD. So can't focus typically anywhere, school or home. Just a ball of energy everywhere. Reading, writing really challenging but art is hyper focus.

Imagine the Tasmanian devil doing a wall-of-death around any environment and you have it.

Very good with transitioning. Really adaptable and not anxious. Sensory issues.

But it looks different for different people.

I did through NHS. Went to GP and they agreed it warranted a referral. I went to school when she went back into Y1 and managed to get a supporting letter from then before I had appointment. They referred her for OT and after those sessions they confirmed diagnosis.

She is quite loud as well but didn't like noise I also had to repeat stuff. - asking her to do stuff seemed to just go over her head. It's hard to explain. She didn't ignore you it's just that it didn't sink in.

She could also (and still) only cope with instruction at a time and it has to be exact.

He sounds incredibly similar to my eldest, who is 6 and was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. We aren’t in the UK but here, they wouldn’t assess him until he turned 6 so we have only recently had a formal diagnosis (and started medication which has been brilliant for him)

My son was diagnosed the January after he started school so he would have been exactly 5. It was obvious as soon as he started school that he just couldn't sit still in class and he was causing a lot of disruption. However this was 15 years ago back in the days where schools usually had access to an Ed Psych. It will likely take a lot longer to get an assessment these days.

Thank you for all your replies. How do those of you with children that have been diagnosed, and how did you deal with it all?

@Whycanineverever that sounds similar, he quite often looks, listens, and then doesn't/can't seem to do it. And the more I get exasperated the less likely he is to do it.

He's isn't disruptive in other settings though. At the moment anyway.

he quite often looks, listens, and then doesn't/can't seem to do it. And the more I get exasperated the less likely he is to do it.

No exasperation. List on the fridge. Fewer and fewer words. It goes like this:

DD can you brush your hair and get your bag for school, please?

<crickets>

DD bag.

<possible bag looking>

I point at list of pre-school chores including 'bag'

<gets bag>

DD hair.

<maybe gets a brush>

Hair.

<probably brushes>

If not, I point at list of pre-school chores including 'hair'

And repeat ad infinitum. Now she's 11 unmedicated she can do it entirely without prompting. Very small bite-sized chunks.

And lots of humour. I sometimes ask if the squirrels got her when she's forgotten something again.

@staybyyou

Short sentences - if it's too long by the time you get to the end they have forgotten the start. And if you repeat it makes it worse as it's just more words. Like the pp I use single words. Shoes, hair, teeth, face.

If I ask her to tidy room it's overwhelming so I have to break it into specific small tasks.

My oldest has adhd. He was diagnosed at 5 and he presents the same way as the poster above.

My other 2 neurotypical children are and we’re quite similar to your 4 year old at that stage. My adhd son was just non Stop, no focus, meltdowns that were unreal, you couldn’t take him anywhere, he couldn’t sit and learn, couldn’t get to sleep at night (still can’t without melatonin).

Oh and look them in the eye, get down to their level, check understanding in the moment. All with kindness and calm.

Even if you want to rip your hair out

@Fundays12 I forgot the sleep. No sleep for two years.

She's great though, best kid in the world. Funny and a joy to be around.

My 9 year old was diagnosed with ADHD this year. He's always been a difficult child, lots of sensory needs, meltdowns, could never occupy himself, but we didn't really twig it was a bigger issue until symptoms increased at age 7+. It got to the point he was unable to sit in a school chair and would end up the other side of the classroom not knowing how he got there!

When he was 4, I just thought, he's a 4 year old boy. I'd say its too early to tell. Just see how he gets on and continue to watch him. Note, NHS wait times are horrific, so the sooner you can get into the system the better, though like others said you're unlikely to get referred before age 6.

Medication has been amazing for him and we just want to support him as best as we can.

not very cuddly, struggles with loud noises and transitions (drops offs or being 'rushed' out of the door), is obsessed with certain programs/characters, needs things 'just so' a lot of the time including clothing and toys

These sound like possible ASC traits. It’s quite common to have the two together, and there are crossover points. It is young for diagnosis, but start keeping in touch with educational professionals when you get into the system. If you think he can do better with additional support, you have to be very pushy unfortunately. Education staff are sometimes uninterested if pupils are not being aggressive, and tend to want to watch later developments: but by the time that later comes along, the child could already be behind and disengaging. And it takes literally years to get anywhere with diagnoses at the moment.

DS has adhd.

Sleep - what's that? As a baby he slept in 20 minute power naps and was raring to go in between.

No fear. I remember feeling physically sick when he climbed to the top of a giant tower net thing as a toddler.

Can't be still. Ever. His teacher let's him take shoes off in class so that he can tap his feet without making a tonne of noise. He's very talented at and absolutely loves cricket but the second he isn't hyperfocussed on batting he's cartwheeling or flossing on the field.

Lots of issues around food and the few things he does eat he will go through phases of overeating it. Then never eat the thing again for months.

Violent angry outbursts out of (seemingly) nowhere. He's also incredibly hard in himself. He's very bright but if he doesn't get something first time or makes a mistake it ends in meltdown (hitting himself, saying he's an idiot/dumb etc)

Did I mention the sleep...? 😴

Adhd not unlike asd is a spectrum it can affect people differently, ds is very classic, cant sit still, low impulse control bouncing of the walls, easily distracted etc. Where as dd2 (suspected adhd not diagnosed) isn't hyper, but is often away with the fairies, she tells me that she can't follow what I'm saying if I say two many things at once, so like a pp I find it helps to break things down into small simple steps. If he struggles with transitions lots of reminders when something is about to change, he sounds like a sensory seeker like my ds so he might like fidgits, ds loves to spin so we bought him an egg chair from ikea. Can't recommend enough. What do school think op have they expressed any concerns?

My son has been on the waiting list for an assessment since January....

Cannot sit still. Fidgets and daydreams in class. Cannot focus and needs prompts to do his work. Wakes constantly through the night. Anything that isn't on his list of interests is boring. Cannot queue. Cannot handle train journeys as they 'take too long'.

This all became noticeable when he was around 8 I'd say.

@ParsleySageRosemary yes I've been reading about PDA as he ticks some of these boxes.

@Pinkflipflop85 that must be so exhausting! Although DS is on the go all day he thankfully does sleep well, he often asks to go to bed at about 6.30 and sleeps through until 5.30/6 so I can't complain there. He's actually always been a good sleeper, I think he basically exhausts himself.

@yoshiblue this is what I'm thinking may happen to us. Although some of his behaviours have reduced, he is now better at entertaining himself for example. And I have noticed a lot of the difficult behaviour centres around his sibling, being rough and bossy etc, and he is not normally the same with other children. Do you mind if I ask what medication your DS is on?

@Shutupyoutart I will look into the egg chair, he would probably really like that. I got him a small indoor climbing frame thing but he still likes to jump off the sofa I've definitely taken on board the suggestions about talking less and being more direct. I definitely does work as I've been doing it tonight. School haven't expressed any concerns yet, I pulled the teacher aside at pick up a couple of weeks ago and she said he's great, joins in, does as he's asked, absolutely fine.