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Original poster

Moving your child away from their dad

16 replies

colourconceal · 14/11/2022 19:55

Hi
I'm looking at moving myself and my 10 month old an hour away from where her dad and my family all live, but I feel so awful for her and I know everyone will be angry at me.
I am a 23 year old woman, so I feel like I shouldn't be having these doubts but I do!

For context, my daughters dad assaulted me and my family still love him and accept him with open arms. You may have seen my threads before possibly. All of this has caused major resentment between myself and my family Sad I want to be just with my daughter on a fresh page now.

Has anyone done this and was it okay? I feel bad for my daughter as she sees her dad 3 days a week at the moment but she won't be able to if I move. All I want is the best for her

OP posts:
itwasntmetho · 14/11/2022 20:02

If you can do this without him contesting it then I think it's a positive and you need to reframe it as 'moving my child from an abusive man and his enablers'.
I'm sorry that your family are how they are, abusers are often very charismatic people and have a way if getting other people to overlook their wrongdoing, play it down and look for reasons that there's fault on both sides.

Original poster
colourconceal · 14/11/2022 20:06

Thank you @itwasntmetho, you're right about reframing it.

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 14/11/2022 20:08

Would he not apply for a court order to prevent you moving? If so you may have to do all the travel to facilitate him seeing her. That could be worse for you?

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Bananasinpyjamas21 · 14/11/2022 20:08

I don’t think you can make this decision based on whether people will be angry with you. You must make it with your daughter’s wellbeing, and your own wellbeing as the main carer as centre.

If he assaulted you this is very worrying and it may well be beneficial for you to be able to have more of your own support. Is the new place going to offer better support?

Singleandproud · 14/11/2022 20:09

Was the assault etc recorded properly so you have evidence? If not it'll be alot easier for him to contest the move, if it goes ahead it is highly likely you'll be expected to facilitate contact and be the one to travel back and forth as you are the one that moved

Bananasinpyjamas21 · 14/11/2022 20:10

@Doidontimmm I don’t think that is right, she will not have to do all the travelling. He will probably be able to reduce maintenance to cover travel costs however for him and a different arrangement which suits the child should be sorted out.

Doidontimmm · 14/11/2022 20:12

I know a couple of people who have been made to (I’m in Scotland), it appears to be a decision made by the judge on the day.

Original poster
colourconceal · 14/11/2022 20:13

The assault was dealt with by childrens services etc. but never taken to police level. Does this count? I don't think he would contest as I mentioned this to him already a few months ago and he seemed okay (as okay as you can be) with it

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas21 · 14/11/2022 20:14

Facilitating contact is making the child available, not necessarily doing the contact by all the travelling, I don’t think that’s right. It’s more negotiating what is reasonable and what suits the child, as the one who moved probably taking a hit with maintenance if it costs more to travel.

Original poster
colourconceal · 14/11/2022 20:14

My mother moved me 3 hours from my dad at 10 years old and I know that it was really hard for me so I am concerned Sad but I think it's best for my daughter and I

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/11/2022 20:26

1 hour is very different to 3 hours!

What is the pull to the place an hour away?

Thistlelass · 15/11/2022 00:59

So you are moving your child one hour away from all family members (both sides?) and her father? She currently enjoys contact with her Dad 3 times per week. I appreciate you saying you were assaulted by the Dad. Why did you not involve the Police at the time? Was this during an altercation between the two of you? It is not something to do lightly unless you think her Dad is going to be abusive towards her.

RedWingBoots · 15/11/2022 01:12

Are you happy for her father to have her overnight every other weekend from about 14 months?

If you are then move.

If not stay until she is older.

BTW that is the earliest I know someone have their child overnight gained through Court. The more amicable agreements started at 18 months.

Original poster
colourconceal · 20/11/2022 10:37

Hi,
I didn't involve the police as I actually didn't even know I had been assaulted. I know this sounds odd but I didn't even think of it as an assault and I remember saying to my HV that I wasn't sure if it was that bad because I wasn't hit etc. (I was pushed to the floor).

Perhaps I should speak to a professional about all the details etc. I need a conversation with him too.

My family are very supportive of him and it being a one time accidental type of thing so I'd rather just be away from it all Sad I only want the best for her of course

OP posts:
GeorgieNu · 14/09/2023 06:45

I have been through a similar situation and it is really very hard with family, heartbreaking.

If you are moving one hour away I think this is not going to be a problem. My ex moved (to be closer to our daughter) 1 hour away. He was 4 hours before. You are clearly being very thoughtful about the whole thing but you need to re-build your life. An hour is tiny on the scale of things

ORYX99 · 14/09/2023 06:50

GeorgieNu · 14/09/2023 06:45

I have been through a similar situation and it is really very hard with family, heartbreaking.

If you are moving one hour away I think this is not going to be a problem. My ex moved (to be closer to our daughter) 1 hour away. He was 4 hours before. You are clearly being very thoughtful about the whole thing but you need to re-build your life. An hour is tiny on the scale of things

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