Is this too much for a 4yo?

[Scorpionqueens]

DD started school in September. Some evenings and at the weekends we have had some very tricky behaviour- crying over the tiniest thing, refusing to do as she is asked etc.

I am not sure if I am overloading her. She does a 2 different classes outside of school that she absolutely loves- this takes up 2.5 hours a week plus parkrun on a Sunday morning if she wants to. She goes to a childminder (she loves it there too) after school 3.10-4.30/5ish. The rest of the time she’s with us doing normal family activities- at home she likes to draw/craft or watch TV. We tend to visit family/friends, go to country parks etc at the weekend. Bedtime starts at 6.30 and she’s asleep by 7. We have to get up for school by 7 (but she naturally wakes up around 6.30).

Her teacher says her behaviour at school is great and she is achieving well. She’s apparently perfectly behaved with her childminder. It’s just the emotional behaviour at home that makes me think this might all be too much for her.

Does this all sound too much for a 4 year old? Or am I worrying too much and she’ll settle into it eventually?

Behaviour sounds fairly normal and if she is happy and enjoying her activities I wouldn’t stop them.
It would be like punishing her.

I find MN is very pushy on extra circular activities. I work full time as does DH and we have two kids. I'm exhausted when I read some of the things people do with their kids.

My 9YO is autistic and finds school a lot. We do no extra circular activities after school. I WFH which allows him to be home and just decompress after school. He does swimming on the weekends and we usually have a family day out on a Sunday.

It is a lot for younger ones to get used to being at school full time. She also has a long day with the CM. My advice would be do less on school days and save activities for the weekend.

I wouldn't be doing an activity during the week on the same days she also goes to a childminder. At 4 any after school activities we did I ensured they where home before 5 pm to ensure they had down time before bed and that was only one a week. Your child may love the activitys but that dosent stop them getting over tired.

I remember some frankly hideous behaviour from DTs in the run up to Christmas in yR, the kids are just tired. Mine did ballet after school one day, swimming lesson at the weekend and a fun swim session with me the next day. Then added in Rainbows the following year. ASC a couple of days until 5.30. Fairly standard for their peers.

Being at the childminder will be very tiring, so I'd not then want to take her to activities after that.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I do agree that she will be tired after the childminders- I would love to pick her up a bit earlier but my working hours don’t allow it. The only one of her activities that is on a school day is on a Friday (and I pick her up early from her childminders to take her there so she’s home from it by 5.30) the rest are at the weekend. so it sounds like I just ride it out and the behaviour should calm down next year?!?

So she does a full week at school with childminder, therefore fun activities with other kids, after school most days (no criticism of that, needs must and it's great for kids' development to mix with others of all ages), then at the weekends she does an activity, plus park run plus visiting family/friends (your friends I presume) both days? When is her down time? Something needs to give as she's clearly tired. It can't be school or the childminder, and if she enjoys her activities I'd probably reduce the visits to others, or limit the activities and visits to one day so she gets a day 'off' every week. You will cope without seeing family/friends every single weekend, and she will benefit.

The activities sound fun, and give her the chance to make other friends and try new things. If she enjoys them, keep them up.
Ignore the crying, unless she is obviously unwell or hurt. She will grow out of it once she sees it gets her zero reaction.

It sounds alright to me activities-wise, similar to the amount my reception age DD does. We do get some tears/tantrums by the end of the week because she’s tired, but I think that’s perfectly normal while they’re settling in at school and I’ve heard from friends that theirs are the same, even the ones picked up every day at 3:20pm by their SAHM. On weekends we’re more likely to get difficult behaviour if she’s hanging about the house for a whole afternoon than if she’s doing stuff.

Looks like she gets tired. My son of similar age does that too. He finishes school at 3:15 and we avoid taking him anywhere after that.
We used to take him out to shopping etc but he cried on every little inconvenience. It was tiring for us as family too.
Now we do most of the activities over the weekend, he is much happier child

Thanks for this. It’s good to think about it in terms of how much time does she get to just unwind. Weekend days we tend to see only friends with similar aged children that she enjoys the company of. It’s never something she isn’t keen on doing. Down time (where we’re just hanging around the house watching TV or doing an indoors activity with just us) on a typical week varies but usually 5.30-6.30 on a week evening (shorter on a Friday), Saturday mornings til 10 and then a bit of time before and after dinner. Sundays between 10.30 and 3.30. Does sound a bit heavy!

That would be too much for my 4yo at the minute but they’re all different! I was surprised how much school tires her out because she was in for full nursery days 4 days a week. At the minute she does 1 extra curricular on a Saturday morning, usually one day of after school club and often the park straight after school. She’s definitely tired at the end of the week- we had a friends birthday party yesterday and she was a wreck by bedtime.