I really want to have a baby, but can we afford to?

[ClusterFluster]

DH and I don’t own our own home. Also, we have around £20k in savings. We already have two children and the youngest is 7.

I desperately want another child and have never felt that we are done. DH would have another but doesn’t think we can afford to. We do want to buy our own house at some point in the next few years, and are currently renting from a family member - paying less than the going rate. We make ends meet without using credit and are able to save a small amount per month. Most of our savings was inheritance.

I work and attend the Open University. I am half way through a degree but currently a low earner. DH is a higher earner than me but in the location we live in, accommodation is expensive if/when we buy a home.

If I have a baby, I could continue my studies (i know it would be tough) and would be finished my degree when the baby is 2 (if I conceived relatively soon). The only problem is that I would be either out of work for 3 years, or paying virtually just as much in childcare as I earn until that point.

If we don’t have another child, I can continue working, saving a bit each month and hopefully progress, especially once my degree is finished.

Sorry this is so long winded and I’m waffling. I just need opinions please to help me decide what to do. I’m worried that if I don’t have another now, I’ll always regret it.

You need to sit down and look at cost seriously, and compare it to your priorities.
if having another baby is going to mean you’re scrimping start change at the end of the month just to feed the family then no, you can’t afford another baby and you should wait (but at 34 you’ll be classed as a geriatric mother and I believe treated as high risk due to age) you may also struggle to conceive.

But, if having another baby means you need to cut down but can still live normally, then I’d say go for it - I don’t think it’s fair for a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you not to have a baby. You don’t want your regret to be based on a bunch of people on mumsnet!

But you do need to think about priorities, if money is cut it might mean you don’t buy a house anywhere in the near or semi-distant future, are you (both) ok with that?

Get your fertility checked. Freeze some embryos if there's an issue.

Then finish your degree and buy a house.

Then either ttc naturally or use the embryos and have a baby in3/4 years.

If you were 34 with no kids and wanted them and were trying to save for a deposit I’d say go for it - life is short and you don’t want to regret leaving it and wondering what if you’d started sooner.

But personally with two kids over 7 my priorities would be different. As PPs say I’d want to focus on securing their financial future too and so I don’t think I could justify it.

I know it’s hard - in theory I wouldn’t mind a 3rd baby but have had to accept that due to finances and two instances of PND with my first two babies it’s a non-runner. But it just wouldn’t be fair on my two existing kids (or long suffering DH!) so it’s off the table.

Nature is very clever at making us want to reproduce, that’s it’s job and it’s working hard on you atm.
However, practically, you cannot afford another dc without making your existing dc’s lives harder.
I wouldn’t have another in your circumstances.

I'd be wanting to have my own home before another baby. Life is going to get much tougher, even sticking at two children. It can take just one thing, for example the landlord decides to sell your home, for life to radically alter.

You can potentially save a lot by having a stay at home parent, in childcare and food costs if you cook daily. I do this but I work from home doing what I've done for 7 years.

There are also many things you can do from home now since the pandemic restrictions kicked off the remote working that is here to stay, and the fact there are so many startups and existing companies that need low and high grade stuff doing digitally.

With three children I wouldn't see how a job outside the home would fit or be best. So that's what I would consider and if you both want a baby and I would say you'd have to prioritise motherhood over work.

Yes, you can do both but the more children you have the less feasible that becomes.

Me being at home means we've never spent money on childcare and our food bill is as low as £200/month. I think it makes a huge difference in our financial position.

It's not about giving up work, it's about working a bit smarter around the kids rather than having kids around work.

I don’t know why you’re posting, OP.

You’re only going to be encouraged by the posts telling you to go for it. You will ignore all the others.

There is no way I’d prioritise my urge for a baby over the best interest of my existing children, in the situation you describe.

@PayPennies nails it. But you don’t want to hear that.

What will having a baby bring to the rest of the existing family? It sounds like everyone would be net losers. Even you.

I think you'd me mad to. Your last sentence could just as easily be flipped. You could do it and regret it forever. It sounds like you have two healthy kids, this is not guaranteed again. Financial problems are the leading cause of divorce, as is parenting kids with SEND. Your current children don't have a secure roof over their heads, we're going into a massive financial crisis and most maternity wards are dangerous. You'd be mad to do this. But you'll likely not listen. Enjoy the baby.

I don't want to be that guy, but I wouldn't simply because of climate change.

And, if you don't believe in that, I would rather spend my time making the children I have now as safe as possible in an ever-changing world, than bring another child into the mix.

Don't. Focus on the kids you have. Adding another one will stretch your finances and leave less money available for them. Get your degree done, move up the career ladder and you will be able to relax a bit more financially.

Is another baby in the interests of the 2 children you already have?

2 children are expensive as the grow up, mine still cost me as adults (university!)! I would suggest thinking about the negatives as well rather than being broody. I would have loved more children too but we have to be practical

No way would I be going ahead with this. Stick to what you have and pour your time and resources into them.

Unfortunately the OP will not be listening to anyone except the minority who have said "family is important so go for it". Yes - quite, family IS important. So why not think about what will be best for this important family you do have which includes you own 2 existing children"?

I wouldn’t in your shoes OP. Your current youngest is 7 so you’re going to end up with a rather big age gap. Plus your putting your earning potential back a few years and it may effect you buying a home.
I personally would prioritise buying a house. Am I right in thinking you didn’t have any savings until you got the inheritance? I would use that for good and try and get on the property ladder.