Divorced - Christmas with ex?

[Rosie12348]

Hi,

I'm amicably divorced (about 5 yrs ago) and our DC lives with me full time, and his Father visits (stays in spare room). My ex still lives with his parents, and is not local, hence offering accommodation.

Up until now, DC stays with me for Christmas, and his Dad is invited for Christmas eve / morning or boxing day.

This year, he wants to have DC at his parents a full week before Christmas and for the whole Christmas period. I'm absolutely heartbroken as I won't be able to see DC.

Am contemplating refusing or renting a hotel nearby to see DC for some of the Christmas period. Is that nuts? I don't think his parents would really want me staying with them at Christmas, even if offered under protest,..which is fair enough!

Please tell me what to do 🙄!! Thanks xxx

It was inevitable that there would come a time when your present arrangement would come to an end and he would want to have his child at his (his own home
or his parents home).

I think you have to agree on alternate years as being the only fair way forward.

I think I'd quite like to spend a few days in a really luxurious hotel. Treat yourself a bit. Be quite unapologetic about the fact that the duration he's proposing is just too long for you and dc to be apart. You've been very accommodating to him in the past out of respect for the fact that he wouldn't want to miss seeing them on xmas day!

So. If you can afford it I don't think staying in a hotel nearby is a crazy idea but make sure it's a nice hotel. Make sure that you're not just bunkering down in some hovel so that you're nearby. Make it a bit of a treat for yourself.

I'm a single parent, so I get that it's hard.

Of you've hosted him for all the years you've been separated it's abit unfair for him to drop this and claim majority of Christmas.

Thank you so much for the quick and kind responses. I know I've had an easy run of things until now, never having to split the time, and a change at some stage would be inevitable. But it's hard. Will think about your suggestions, thank you xx

I don’t think I’d be agreeing to that length of time. I mean by the sounds of it he’s never had sole responsibility for your child but now wants essentially two weeks without you involved? I’d compromise but wouldn’t want him to have the whole festive period

While I think its fair you share Christmas that sudden change is taking the piss.

How long does he normally have him for at his parents house during the year?

Really if you’ve had him at your house every year since you split I think it’s only fair that your ex gets a chance to spend Xmas how he wants for a change. You staying nearby in a nice hotel could be a good compromise- stay out of their way but grab an hour or so at some point on Xmas day and/or Boxing Day. Being there for the full week and expecting him every day may be a bit too much.

@DisforDarkChocolate - maybe twice a year, not that often. DC with me vs split custody for various reasons (not safety)
@Honeyroar - I know you're right too...getting my head around it slowly.

Thanks

Based on his limited contact with them at his parent's house I'd say not this year but plan how to get to it next year. I still think a week is far too long at Christmas at their age.

So he's spent every Christmas with yous for the last 5 years? He's never had to miss one but now wants to take them far away for the most important holiday (to many people anyway) of the year?
Thats just unfair.
I'd be saying no.
It would be different if he was having then for Christmas day then taking them back for boxing day, while hard it would be doable I think.
It sounds like he has a new relationship and wants to showcase what a good dad he is but I'm cynical.