Weekends are bloody hard going

[Weekendsarehard]

DS up at 5. I get up with him, at just before 7 DH comes downstairs and we swap so I can go back to bed for a bit. I’m up and showered and dressed for 9, so is DS.

I’ve suggested going somewhere - DH agrees but then starts faffing with DIY. If I go somewhere now DS will fall asleep and mess naps up, so stuck in until 2 (nap is normally around 12-2.)

Just a moan.

Why don't you go for a walk OP?

It's cold, damp and grey out there OP. Stay indoors, and have a cosy day indoors.

The problem is we live on a country road with no pavements where cars go very fast - not ideal walking with a toddler.

So I’d have to put the toddler in the car to go somewhere and run the risk of him falling asleep.

OTOH staying in the house doesn’t work either. Just lacking motivation today and wish I had some more help.

Totally understand the nap frustration thing. My first was a nightmare if I messed up his nap schedule it is horrible to be so trapped.

Whats the worst that could happen if nap happens a bit earlier today? What if he slept in the car for half an hour now, and maybe a bit more again later on the way back?

I know all kids are different, so the answer might genuinely be ‘all hell would break loose’ in which case fair enough. But it might be worth seeing if only for giving you a bit of freedom at the weekends.

DD’s sleep has always been very hit and miss, she was a contact napper mainly or in a moving car, and I’ve never been able to just put her down for a set time even when I really, really tried to get a consistent routine. It’s a bit of a pain but the advantage is just that we tend to just get on with whatever we were doing that day and she sleeps if/ when/ where she’s going to, it might mean bedtime needs to be earlier or later or is a bit more of a struggle than usual but honestly, even if she has the perfect set amount of nap at the exact right time bedtimes are still a challenge - and at least this way we get to do stuff at the weekend.

Thanks, just wish it didn’t take so long to get DH out of the house, he doesn’t mean it but he doesn’t understand how it affects the rest of the day if napping is messed up.

@AliasGrape it’s not so much the daytime sleep as nighttime that gets messed up. What would happen is DS would be an overtired wreck needing to go to bed very early but then he’s up crazy early too, it was 430 yesterday.

Ah ok I get that too!
weirdly DD does sometimes sleep longer (and better) if she goes to bed earlier - but I’m sure you’ve tried that (and it’s never guaranteed here). I can see why you wouldn’t want to risk an even earlier start.

God I remember this - days with napping children are horrendously stressful as your window to actually leave is about 3 minutes otherwise the whole day goes to shit.

The only way to make it work is to agree the night before, get everything ready, make it clear what time you must leave by and then stick to that.

It's horrible and takes all spontaneity out of life but realistically if going out is important to you then it has to be this way in my experience.

Just go out without DH - we used to go out around 9.30 when ours were that age & come back for lunch/nap.

You could go out as a family after 2pm?

Just go out without DH if he is faffing. It's him that loses out in the long run.

Also, why doesn't he get up with DS one day on the weekend and stays up for two hours before you come down? That's only fair.

And also, get DH to do some bedtimes and pick a day when DS nap has gone to shit because of DH and let him deal with the frustration of it!!

You feel the weight of it because you are doing it all!!!

It’s not really him who loses out when he gets to chill at home alone while I wrestle a toddler in and out of a car

Agree!!! He doesn't get to opt out by faffing

I know exactly what you mean.

I think the only answer is to make sure you talk the night before about the plan for the next day and make sure both adults are onboard and a leaving time is set in stone 😄.

Well I said in the long run meaning he is missing out on his child while he's young.

Forward planning was the key for us. DD was an early riser as well so weekends were planned to ensure we managed to get out and do something.

No way to start something which wasn't planned unless it was an emergency. And always back at home for nap unless it was a full day out.

It got better when DD was around 3.

Agree with this.

We had a day out with DS yesterday, 11 months and an awful napper/sleeper in general but decided to 'wing it' for the sake of older DD.

Fucking nightmare.

@Weekendsarehard

It’s not really him who loses out when he gets to chill at home alone while I wrestle a toddler in and out of a car

I imagine the faffing and starting random DIY tasks is an avoidance tactic. He's just trying to get out of having to take the toddler out.

This fits in with the other thread about women carrying more of the load & men getting praise fir doing the smallest of tasks. There's another thread about a Dad who allows the toddler upstairs to wake Mum up continually from 6.30am despite a lie in until 11 on a Saturday.

We've regularly done a relay with dd - so one weekend day we might spend as a family but the other weekend day we'd take a half a day each for ourselves while the other looked after dd.

Your dh can choose to spend his 'free' half day faffing with DIY if he wants but the other half day he'll have a toddler to look after while you go shopping/meeting friends/exercise etc.

Re naps - I sympathise, dd was a terrible napper. We would use the drive to and from somewhere as her nap time at weekends to avoid being stuck at home 12-2pm.