Living abroad struggling with friends

[swedex]

So we moved 2 years ago as a family we moved to another European country. The kids have settled in school, we are learning the language and have both got jobs.
However I am really struggling with friendships. I started working at an English speaking place where there is mainly English speaking staff there I thought I was getting on with people and making friends but it really doesn't stick a knife in when you see pictures on social media of them all out together. I know I don't know the context and it could have been someone else organising it however I just feel pretty shit about being left out.
I always had the idea that people might make a bit of an effort especially as you are all in the same situation and they have been the new people moving to a new country and would understand that newbies might need support...obviously not the case
I really thought that at my age these feelings would go but they never do! I am working hard to shift my focus on just finding things I enjoy doing rather than focusing on finding friends but thinks like this just set me back

You could always organise something.

People tend to stick together in groups. Sometimes no one wants to take on the responsibility of including a new person in case the new person turns out to be awkward within the group.

So YOU have to make the effort and get to know them. be proactive in asking if anyone wants to go for a drink or a night out et cetera.

I moved abroad a year ago to France and go out to meet people more now than I ever did in the UK. Nobody owes you a conversation, you have to make the effort yourself.

What about starting a FB group of your own to seek similar people in your area and sharing it on your FB page? Is there anyone on your social media that has gone out on these events that you are closer to, that you could have a word with about how you are feeling?

I feel I have made the effort I talk to them i take an interest in their lives but perhaps not enough and perhaps they just don't like me!

Oh, from your user name , is it Sweden? I lived in Finland for a year and it was hard to make any friends locally. My only contacts came from the language group.

Have you actually suggested that you go to a place/a meal/drink/activity outside of work?

No I haven't. I know I should but being totally honest I'm worried they'll say no

So you smile and say no problem. With the knowledge that at least you asked.

Ask yourself is the reward of friends bigger than the risk of rejection.

Maybe try Bumble or a similar app. Bumble has a friends feature.

Is there an Ex pat group on facebook in your area?

I've joined a woman's group, a gardening group and have been to plant swaps and am off to a seed swap in a minute. I go to yoga and am starting French Classes this week. There are local groups where you go to chat if you want, and I'm literally in the middle of the French Farming Rural Countryside. I have a pick of what to do on a Friday night if I want [an Indian Restaurant have taken over a local pub on Friday nights so I'll be going there once their opening night is open].

You have to go seek out these places and people.

I live abroad and people are sometimes reluctant to put a lot of effort in with someone they think may leave quite quickly. I've lived here >10 years and still when I meet people one of the first things I work into a conversation is that we're here indefinitely.

If this is a permanent move for you, I would make that clear. If it's a short/medium term move, you'll likely struggle with others not in the same boat as you.

I know it's not easy - good luck!