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Where are we going wrong

11 replies

Annon1234 · 12/11/2022 22:41

Ill probably get roasted for this but it’s a genuine thing I think of a lot. Me and my husband both work, he works full time me part time. Until recently things had been really rough, everything kind of snowballed, planning a wedding, having a baby, mat leave, then almost immediately after Covid hit, I work in an industry which was quite heavily affected so was furloughed for a very long time. So ended up in a great deal of debt, missing payments etc it was hard work. Anyway my husband got a new job earlier this year and earns a considerable amount more now. We are paying all our debt back and thing seem more manageable. We now have, what I think of of as, a good amount of disposable income however looking at other people’s lifestyles it feels like it doesn’t go far enough. I constantly see people, who I know will have a similar income to us, making huge splurges all month, £100 here and there on clothes, brunch’s with friends, holidays, nights away. In my head feel like our disposable income should cover this, but it doesn’t.we don’t do anything extravagant through the month but feel like we have nothing left at the end of the month. I feel like something needs to give but I’m really not sure what we can cut back on. I’m not sure what the point in this other than I feel like I’ve constantly got terrible fomo and comparing myself to others all the time.

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Onceuponawhileago · 12/11/2022 22:58

Best thing you could do is get off social media and invest in stuff for you both. A nice day out with lunch, extra special bottle of wine with a takeaway etc etc. Forget the nights away etc. Those times will come. Well done on coming through covid, baby and your husband getting a better job. Celebrate the small things and your health and relationship.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 12/11/2022 23:04

Other people’s lifestyles maybe funded by credit cards, generous relatives or private side hustles.

Shopaholic123Go · 12/11/2022 23:08

Those people haven't got your debt - yet! Or maybe they managed to save money during COVID so it's savings they're spending now. Definitely get off social media, it's poison. Work out your budget, live your life and try to be happy. There's often cheaper ways to do regular things eg eat out but no starter or desert and little one eats from your plates. Make the most of anything that's free to do in your town or the next town of transport isn't a problem. Social media is carefully curated highlights. Your friends days out were probably a lot more mundane than the pics and status updates made it sound.

Annon1234 · 12/11/2022 23:10

That is great advice I do tell myself all the time that I need to concentrate on the good things. Even though I know in a year or 2 we will be debt free and can really start enjoying our money, I’m very much a live for the moment time of person and hate to think I’m not ‘living my best life’ as life is so short

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Annon1234 · 12/11/2022 23:13

BobbyBobbyBobby · 12/11/2022 23:04

Other people’s lifestyles maybe funded by credit cards, generous relatives or private side hustles.

While I know this is true in a lot of cases, I do have friends that I know aren’t ‘rolling it it’ but seem to be very spontaneous with what they do. Booking £100 concert tickets at the end of the month. Generally we can write off the last 4 days of the month as we have nothing left

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IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 13/11/2022 00:20

If you’re still paying back debt, the monthly payments are the money that you would otherwise have spare for concert tickets. Once you’ve paid the debt off, it’ll free up that money each month so you will be able to have the extras that you would like.

canyouextrapol · 13/11/2022 08:34

While you've got debt, you haven't got disposal income. What you've got is an option to get out of debt quicker and potentially have less debt

Shopaholic123Go · 13/11/2022 14:35

How did you run up the debt? If you're used to spending more than you have coming in, you're going to feel constrained when you start matching outgoings to income.

Add in debt repayments and that's why you're feeling hard done by. You're not, but you've been spoiled. You move in circles where people spend what they like without thinking about it and you've become (or always were?) used to that. That's not how most people live.

I appreciate living within your means can seem hard, especially if you're constantly comparing and trying to keep up with those around you, but you do need to get a grip. How do you think people barely scraping by feel when they can't even cover the basics? You think they don't mind? You think they don't look at others who's clothes don't have holes in, and who can afford to turn the heating on, and wish they had more? You think people who have DC sharing a bedroom don't wish they could afford a bigger home? You think people renting off bad landlords don't wish they could buy? How you're feeling is no different to how everyone (except the well-off) feels.

Even when the basics are covered people want more. More choice. Less compromising to fit the budget. Those extras that make life nicer.

You're lucky that you'll be able to stop feeling this way in a couple of years, when your debt is paid off. Start appreciating that.

Imnothereforthegiggles · 13/11/2022 14:49

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Annon1234 · 13/11/2022 15:29

Shopaholic123Go · 13/11/2022 14:35

How did you run up the debt? If you're used to spending more than you have coming in, you're going to feel constrained when you start matching outgoings to income.

Add in debt repayments and that's why you're feeling hard done by. You're not, but you've been spoiled. You move in circles where people spend what they like without thinking about it and you've become (or always were?) used to that. That's not how most people live.

I appreciate living within your means can seem hard, especially if you're constantly comparing and trying to keep up with those around you, but you do need to get a grip. How do you think people barely scraping by feel when they can't even cover the basics? You think they don't mind? You think they don't look at others who's clothes don't have holes in, and who can afford to turn the heating on, and wish they had more? You think people who have DC sharing a bedroom don't wish they could afford a bigger home? You think people renting off bad landlords don't wish they could buy? How you're feeling is no different to how everyone (except the well-off) feels.

Even when the basics are covered people want more. More choice. Less compromising to fit the budget. Those extras that make life nicer.

You're lucky that you'll be able to stop feeling this way in a couple of years, when your debt is paid off. Start appreciating that.

the debt was mainly caused by just purely not having enough money to pay bills. From leaving work to go on mat leave in December 2018 on a full
time wage, then going back in the November, we had enough money, we weren’t comfortable but it was enough, I was the furloughed in March, so on 80% of my wage. The job I do is heavily topped up with commission, which wasn’t taken into count so in a year and a half our Income dropped about £1000, we had car finance. A loan phone bills etc and just didn’t have enough money to pay them. I think you’ve definitely hit the nail on the head it’s definitely the circles I move in that do seem to feel like they just spend spend spend.
I really am greatful that I have enough money to feed me child and I know there’s people that are so much worse off.

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Annon1234 · 13/11/2022 15:31

We do rent too, so owning our own house does seem worlds away too.

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