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Intrusive questions about conceiving

16 replies

TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 00:29

Friends, vipers, countrywomen; lend me your fangs!

I'm from a close knit conservative christian community with lots of extended family etc.
I've started to get the inevitable prying questions from nosy relatives about when we're going to have no.2. DC1 is 3 ¼ and I had an utterly shit time with his birth so the thought of giving birth again has me in tears.

Last time, the question was asked in public, with all the extended family present, so it was mortifying and very annoying and my ghast was so flabbered I'm only thinking up stinging replies now!

I'm thinking of shock and awe tactics to shut them up and stop them daring to ask more questions for fear of an even ruder answer, but there will probably be kids around so not too blatant.

"Have you seen the state of the maternity services? I prefer my fanny in 1 piece,/prefer to stay alive thanks"

"Oh its the fertility police. I didn't hear the sirens"

"We've been trying four times a day for the last 6 months.

We've done missionary, doggy style and even some reverse cowboy but they don't seem to have made much difference."

(And to the inevitable don't be rude backlash)
"Ask a rude question, get a rude answer. I didn't hear you telling them to stop their intrusive questions before."

Hit me with your best retorts for the next nosy old sod!

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Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2022 00:33

A momentary blank stare with no response whatsoever, followed by you immediately changing the subject, works wonders.

Don't lower yourself by trying to one-up them with a "clever" response.

ProtectorExtraordinaryOfTheCantonsOfNim · 12/11/2022 00:43

It depends whether you want them to shut up or you want the catharsis of a retort.

If the former, you might get further deflecting everything with "I know God has a plan for us and we're not looking to second-guess Him" plus a beatific smile.

TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 00:44

I tried the blank stare (mainly because I was scrambling for something to say) but there was 2 of them on it holding the conversation up. Stupid patronising comments like "it won't be like last time." "DS is getting quite old now" blah blah. Yeah well in their day they had a midwife do home visits every day for the 1st 10 days and mostly very good maternity service. Today's services are crap and bloody dangerous IMO.

I ended up with an EMCS and sepsis last time so it bloody well better not be as bad as last time. Doesn't mean I'm not shit scared to go through it again and how dare they put pressure on me to have another child. For all the knew we could have been trying for the last 2½ years, or could have just decided that 1 was enough, and thats OK!
I'm actually quite angry now, thinking about it.

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TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 00:46

Oh in this case definitely the catharsis. One of them is a common or garden scandalmonster and lives for gossip so I really wanted to squash her! 😂
The other is very kind hearted but very blunt and opinionated.

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TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 00:47

But I do love your response. Nothing they can reply to with that!! Perfect 😂😇

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TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 00:49

I need to perfect my best syrupy voice and earnest angelic smile.

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Suemademedoit · 12/11/2022 00:51

“Why do you ask? Are you hoping to watch us try?”

“Next time I’m drunk enough.”

or just a good old fashioned “I don’t want to answer that question. You’ll all find out if and when it happens”

MintJulia · 12/11/2022 00:52

Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2022 00:33

A momentary blank stare with no response whatsoever, followed by you immediately changing the subject, works wonders.

Don't lower yourself by trying to one-up them with a "clever" response.

This. A really distasteful stare, then 'goodness, didn't your parents believe in manners' and walk away.

LinesAndDot · 12/11/2022 02:35

Them: So @TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain any plans of a brother/sister for DC? Time is getting on!
You: <Pause and hard stare>
You: (loud enough so the whole group can here) Angela, did you really just ask me when I am next going to have sex with my husband? As I am really not comfortable discussing that in public with you.
Them: <spluttering that this isn’t what they meant>
You: No, no, It’s fine, I just never pegged you as so open with your sex life, Angela. But good for you if you are, and of course, don’t let me stop you from telling the group about your own plans and activities. I’m just more private, that’s all. More cake, anyone?

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 12/11/2022 03:30

I'd say you don't want any more, you are happy with just the one, and even say DH is considering a vasectomy to take care of that.

autienotnaughty · 12/11/2022 05:43

The world is over populated, I'm doing my bit for the environment.

erinaceus · 12/11/2022 05:56

Gesture skywards, say that it is all in His hands, change subject.

TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 09:03

I like these! Keep tem coming!!

I mean what did they really expect me to answer?!? Hmm theres no polite answer and I'm hardly going to tell themmy family plans!
never mind that I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant again!!

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erinaceus · 12/11/2022 09:55

Congratulations! Flowers

(Ask them to pray for you, then they will be extra delighted when they hear your news?)

BobbyBobbyBobby · 12/11/2022 09:58

Any questions that you feel are intrusive, regardless of the subject matter should be met with, “It’s none of your business!”

TerrifiedOfGivingBirthAgain · 12/11/2022 14:46

@erinaceus thank you!! Yes I should ask for fervent prayers for my fertility. Perhaps I should frame a picture of Hannah in supplication and display it prominently.

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