Friends, vipers, countrywomen; lend me your fangs!
I'm from a close knit conservative christian community with lots of extended family etc.
I've started to get the inevitable prying questions from nosy relatives about when we're going to have no.2. DC1 is 3 ¼ and I had an utterly shit time with his birth so the thought of giving birth again has me in tears.
Last time, the question was asked in public, with all the extended family present, so it was mortifying and very annoying and my ghast was so flabbered I'm only thinking up stinging replies now!
I'm thinking of shock and awe tactics to shut them up and stop them daring to ask more questions for fear of an even ruder answer, but there will probably be kids around so not too blatant.
"Have you seen the state of the maternity services? I prefer my fanny in 1 piece,/prefer to stay alive thanks"
"Oh its the fertility police. I didn't hear the sirens"
"We've been trying four times a day for the last 6 months.
We've done missionary, doggy style and even some reverse cowboy but they don't seem to have made much difference."
(And to the inevitable don't be rude backlash)
"Ask a rude question, get a rude answer. I didn't hear you telling them to stop their intrusive questions before."
Hit me with your best retorts for the next nosy old sod!