Does anyone else have no information about their childhood?

[AllTheCoolThings]

And if so, how do you cope with the not knowing basic things, such as age at first steps, first words, school photos etc?

i had a crappy childhood. Taken into care as a baby, bounced around various foster and residential placements until care order expired at 18. I have no contact with any of my birth family or foster families, and because I moved around so much I don’t have any friends from my childhood.

i am fine with most aspects of my childhood, apart from the personal things I’ll never know. Medical issues I can gain from my medical records, but things like what age I was when I stopped growing (was reading that thread which prompted my thread , what age for my first period etc as I only have a vague recollection and there’s literally no one to ask.

is anyone else in the same boat, and if so, how do you cope with it please?

Same, have nothing barring a short birth certificate.

Dislike the fact I can't compare my baby pics with my childrens, don't know anything about my birth etc.

I just get on as there's nothing I can do. Yes it's sad when I think of it, but nothing will change the past so I don't dwell.

I just make sure my children have all these things, all these memories to look back on.

Honestly, OP, not in the least to minimise your obvious and understandable pain, but I grew up with my birth family, my parents are alive and well, and I don’t know most of that stuff. I have lots of siblings, and it was a poor, overcrowded childhood, and my parents simply don’t remember specifics for each child. I do remember when I had my first period because the circumstances were mildly traumatic, but when I was pregnant and had to do my medical history, my parents had no idea what childhood illnesses I’d had etc.

Make a request to the local authority for your full social services file.

Like a PP I don't want to dismiss what you went through but I had a generally happy childhood yet I don't know when I had my first steps / first words etc. My parents didn't keep a baby book and I only have a few photos. They're not the sentimental type and I also think as a child of the 80s there was just less of that than there is now.
In comparison each of my children have memory boxes and thousands of photos.

I don't think it was usual for parents to record milestones when I was a baby. I was born in 1958, and there are loads of photos because my mum had a camera but I don't think it was commonplace like it is now.

I grew up with my birth family and i don't have a clue about any of that. There is one or two baby pictures of me. I have a short birth certificate.

No idea about first words, first anything.

I also grew up happy, dad is still alive. I do have pictures and remember my first period myself but the rest I don't know either and my dad doean't remember. I don't have friends from back then (moved away when I was 18 and got different friends).

I'm sorry you had a crappy childhood. That must hurt a lot.

Agree with PP; I don’t want to minimise your experience, but I grew up in a happy, secure family unit, and I don’t really know any of these things. People didn’t record milestones the way they do now, I don’t think.

I grew up in the north in the eighties. We just got sent out to play. I font know my first word, walking etc and neither did my parents. But I guess it's more than that, I have a sense of my childhood (even if a lot of it was dubious parenting choices) it must be hard not to.

Same. I don't even have and have never seen a picture of my parents wedding . No childhood photos , no memories except fights due to an acrimonious marriage .
Basically my mother is a narcissist and when they got divorced she burnt everything.

I kind of know what you mean I think OP. Less of the milestones really, but the school photos and having other people to talk to about your childhood. Those things exist for me but I don’t have access to them as I am NC with my parents. At work a few months ago there was a team building event and they wanted baby photos of all staff to see if we could recognise people. I had to tell them I couldn’t provide one as I don’t have any. That was difficult, but at least I know they do exist, I just can’t get to them.

That must be really tough OP and I’m interested in this thread as my adopted DS will be in the same position, with early years that are a mystery and no one who can fill the gaps, including unknown of who BF is.

social Services files only tell youwhat they know - their involvement with huge gaps and inconsistencies.

to those well meaning posters who grew up with few photos etc in birth families it’s not the same. It’s a million worlds apart, especially if you are still surrounded by birth family and know who provided the care, or even lack of care, as you grew. There’s also more chance of them filling those gaps in memory in years to come.

Sorry OP didn’t won’t have any answers but hope someone comes along with similar experiences to offer support.

its interesting to read peoples experiences thank you. I have read my social services file, but it was very redacted with huge gaps. There are just things I’ll never know, but I can see that that isn’t just necessarily an issue for children growing up without their birth family, even though as a pp said, it’s not quite the same.

Like previous posters, I too have made memory boxes for my DC, with probably too much stuff!

@bestsellingshow good luck to you with your DS, I think he’s lucky to have you in his corner recognising the impact that gaps may have on him. My birth father is also unknown and that is definitely the hardest unknown to have.

@caroleanboneparte
You can't be given the unredacted file if someone or some persons mentioned in it have requested that all references to them are removed. It's unlawful to give out that redacted information.

I have nothing from my childhood I prefer not too not parents anyway I’d love to see the medical notes surrounding my birth I’d love to be a fly on the wall that day. I want see the dates of mothers pregnancy and then my hospital notes. I’d know then I wasn’t my fathers. I’ve always felt 2nd best.

OP wishing you the best. I’d say a good call if you’re not already in touch is PAC UK
www.pac-uk.org/our-services/adopted-adults/
they’ll offer both support and practical advice on if there is any further information you might be able to find out.

and I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you OP

I really don't think it's a norm to know when was your first steps or what was your first word was. Or is it? I don't know, I never thought about it, and my parents never told me.
What age my first period was? I know it myself, and memory is very vague, since it's not something I talked about in details with my parent.
I think you sound like making a big deal of something that doesn't exist. I am sorry that you didn't grow up with stable family, but not having a memory of early years isn't a results of not having real family, imo.

@AllTheCoolThings

Hello, I'm also an adoptive mum. My son is 18, came into care at 4 and I adopted him when he was 8.
We are fortunate that we have a lot of information about his first 4 years and he was in the same foster family for 3 years. But there are significant gaps and no photos before the age of 3.
To be honest I don't know a lot of those things you mention about my life but that's a whole world away from the dislocation felt by people who have been through the care system who don't have a secure base to fall back on. I think the smallest things can loom much larger, let alone the big things like who your dad is.

My son struggled massively in his early teens, we had something called therapeutic life story work. We found out very little new information, but it's aim is more about coming to terms with the situation that led to you coming into care, the emotional and psychological effects.
It made such a difference to him, he is still young and still has questions that will probably remain unanswered, but he is in place where he can move forward with his life.
I wonder of something like that would help you? A previous poster mentioned PAC-Uk, Adoption UK may also have some contacts. I'll have a look for you later.

I think the idea of recording everything was not really the same when I was growing up as it is now. Although I have made an effort with my own DCs I still find myself struggling to remember certain things and get them mixed up