Should I complain about DS being ignored?

[Anothernamechange2022]

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I wasn’t brave enough for AIBU! I’ll try and keep it brief as I know I ramble.

DS is 9 and has special needs and started karate this year. Loves it. He has a teacher he loves, but the company is owned by an overall instructor. At the start of the summer he announced a photo competition, saying the winner would be revealed the first week of September. The competition was based on number of “likes” on a photo. DS wanted to take part but was nervous due to his autism and anxiety, he overthinks things and worried he would get no likes/made fun of, etc. He eventually decided to enter and he won! (By a lot in the end). He kept asking how many likes he had, was he winning etc. At the first week of September he was so happy and excited, he really wanted a certificate. He asked did I think his photo would be shared by the instructor. He even hoped he might come to his lesson that week with a certificate for him! He’s never won anything before and due to his anxiety would never really enter anything. We were all so pleased for him. There was a prize but he didn’t care about that, he isn’t materialistic and has very specific interests anyway so he’s never once mentioned the prize.

Then September came and went with no winner announced or anything, I told my son to be patient. He was. At the end of September I sent a polite message to the instructor asking if he would be announcing the winner soon, which he ignored. Since then DS has asked but I’ve just explained adults are busy, he’s forgotten etc. However, he has his next grading this weekend (with the instructor) and now DS is really
anxious about attending, he’s worried the instructor doesn’t like him or will ignore him! Or even that he’s done something wrong.

Would I be wrong to send a (passive aggressive) message to the instructor telling him how unfair I think he is? I’m worried DS will get kicked out of the group he loves for having a confrontational mother! Or that it will be awkward when we have to see him. I don’t want to look grabby or like we are only chasing because of the prize, because it really isn’t that. But I think this man is out of line for starting a competition, not announcing the winner for 2 months and then ignoring my message! Am I being precious? He is my first born and I can be a little over protective 😂

Regardless of your child having special needs, I think the parents of any child entered into a competition would be concerned as to why after two months the competition result has not been announced.

Not unreasonable at all. Kids care about these things! I feel so sorry for your DS

I would not message saying he’a unfair as you don’t know the circumstances as to why the competition result has not been announced.

I don’t know what the prize is but it could be that the prize has been withdrawn and that has caused the instructor to feel some embarrassment and hoping that the competition will be forgotten.

Still unfair on the children but I don’t think you should message anything passive aggressive.

What about a general message on the competition post asking when the results will be announced? Keep it short and simple.

Thank you. The message I’ve drafted actually mentions that all the children who entered (a dozen or so) would probably feel the same as my son. I just wanted to check I wasn’t being too over the top complaining before I sent it. Thanks for your reply.

I would definitely address the issue before the weekend yes. But not be confrontational nor passive aggressive.

You could write and just state the facts: your son won the competition, there's been no announcement, no prize, no photo or whatever you want to say. And then have a single question at the end - what is going to happen next? Or will there be an announcement at the weekend, or whatever?

Good luck, how sad for your little boy!

That’s a good idea, the thing is because it’s based on number of likes, and so the winner is visible, I can’t send a “can you let us know who won” type message as it’s clear who won! That’s why I’m worried about looking like I’m only after a prize as everyone who has entered can see who has won. This is why I was struggling how to word my message. My first message to him in September said not to worry about the prize and that my son would just love a “well done” or a certificate or something.

Thank you

Thank you. That sounds like the best way. I’ll go and try and write something now!

I may even message to say: X is so excited to have won the photo competition. I was just wondering when an announcement may be made so that I can look out for it and show him. It has been such a boost to his confidence and self esteem, and one of the reasons he signed up for karate in the first place.

He's already ignored one message so I'd assume he'd ignore the next. Is it not possible for you to speak to him face to face, or if not then to speak to ds's teacher and ask him about it?

I think he's sounds a bit of an all round ass tbh, this sounds like it was basically a popularity contest and I have no idea why any instructor would want to make their sport about something as superficial and vacuous as 'getting likes' rather than actual skill - perhaps he had someone in mind that he wanted to win/thought would win and as they didn't he isn't now interested. Or maybe there have been complaints about the competition itself?

None of that is your son's fault or your son's problem though. He entered in good faith and deserves the recognition. I'd avoid these popularity contests in future though and concentrate on the effort and work he is putting in instead.

You are so right and we won’t be entering anything again! Because it was announced in class, my son came home talking about it and deciding whether to enter. We genuinely thought he wouldn’t win and discussed with him how it was just about taking part. I was pleased he wanted to try though as he never wants to try anything scary/new/different.

Funny you should say that! About a week into the competition, the instructor shared a photo that had already been submitted on his Facebook and asked for likes, said how brilliant it was etc. By rights this photo probably should’ve won, it was very good and it looked like the instructor expected it to. I felt it was very unfair to share one photo asking for likes and not the other 10 or so submissions. I suspect you are right and “the wrong person” won, which is why he’s kept quiet about it. My partner said exactly the same.

Thanks for your reply