Finding life as a mature student hard, can anyone help?

[Camus6]

I’m 29 and started studying at uni in September. I’m studying English lit and history at a relatively small university which I purposely chose despite it being further afield because I liked the feel of it more on the applicant day. I have 2 DC aged 2 and 4 and usual life pressures that come alongside that like mortgage and bills to pay, house to run and so forth.

I, perhaps naively, thought there would be at least one other mature student studying either of the subjects but I’m the only one. The second youngest is 21 and he completely fits in with the 18/19 year old’s with no qualms. I just don’t feel like I slot in with any of them, I’m world’s apart from them in all honesty. I have spoken to a few of them but it never gets beyond small talk and tbh, we just have very little in common. I overhear conversations and I just can’t relate.

I don’t feel like I fit in but fine, I suppose I could take the sense of loneliness and being a bit out of place if my work was up to scratch. I’m out of practice because I haven’t written an essay since I completed an access course four years ago. I thought I would be ok though because English has always been a strong point hence choosing it.

Anyway, I handed my first essay in a couple of weeks ago and had the feedback back yesterday which was completely horrible. He launched into a fairly scathing attack with very few positive points. I cried for two hours solid and was just seriously upset for the rest of the day, it’s totally knocked my confidence. He described it as “disappointing” and said he found it “frustrating to read”. I now daren’t write another essay despite having two due at the end of this month incase they’re as terrible as that one. The worst thing is, I genuinely didn’t think it was bad at all. We only had 1000 words to work with and I thought I’d done my best. I’ve asked to have a private meeting with him and also with the academic skills tutor next week to discuss it further.

I’m just looking for advice on how to take negative feedback better. It’s taken a lot for me to even go to uni in the first place, this time last year I had severe PND and anxiety so barely left the house. I still don’t have much self confidence and the general sense of being out of place is knocking it enough without my work also being ripped apart!

Ok, firstly congratulations for choosing to go and study alongside all the other life stuff you have going on! Please, please give yourself a break. I am also a mature student, different kind of course, but even though I am in a similar age brackets I still find myself hearing things and thinking 'what the...?' So maybe drop the expectation that these guys are going to be friends, and accept that they are course mates, you are learning together, and that that is enough.

In terms of the essay, as my kid's music teacher said to us yesterday, the best way we learn is through feedback. So, you handed your essay in feeling good, and then your tutor who is experienced in teaching has given you some pretty hard stuff back. So firstly it is understandable that that would be upsetting to read, and for me your tears show your passion and enthusiasm so that's all good. And then from that you have asked for follow up meetings to discuss and you can learn as you go. It really is all good from my perspective! You are open to learning. Although you feel crushed you are still moving forward, and that is probably about the best possible place you could be. So please give yourself a break, acknowledge your hard work, enjoy the student discounts and just keep going. You can do it!