Practical ideas for when you're suddenly alone

[rellly]

I know MN is a very practical bunch, and I'd be so grateful for some practical ideas to help me keep my chin up and support my husband in the next couple of months.

In short, we recently moved to a new (small-ish) city. We love it, but we don't yet know anyone and we're still finding our feet. My husband is Australian, and we have just heard that his father is very seriously ill. He's going to fly back next week, with plans to stay until mid-Jan. He's devastated and it's really not looking good.

That means I'll be alone here for a few months. I work at home and don't know anyone in the city. I'm a bit worried about feeling isolated, but I cannot let him know that right now. Once the shock wears off, he'll feel guilty for leaving me and I don't want him to.

So I'm looking for practical ideas to help me not feel (socially) alone, and feel confident being in the house alone. I know, that sounds wussy, and I appreciate that there will be women reading this who've eg lost their partners. I've lived alone in a foreign city before, but I was going to an office each day.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself or moping – I want to be practical and have a plan to keep me stay jolly and busy, and not add to his worries. I'm a bit shy, but I'm also fortunate to have a little spare cash to do things with. Here's what I'm thinking so far:

Social/general busyness
Learn to do strength-training at the local gym
Take driving lessons
Go to a local meet-up group for my industry
Is something like Bumble BFF a good idea?

Confidence at home
Get a step-ladder as I'm really bloody short
Get a Ring doorbell?
Don't think I need to keep a baseball bat under the bed...

I'll be really grateful for any other ideas, thank you all.

Keep enough painkillers for everyone in the house (you dont say if you have kids) to cover at least 48hours.

When my DH was going away to work I slept better with a lock in my bedroom door and a rolling pin under my bed. Sounds crazy, but I slept better.

i would join a book club (even an online one)

tackle some protects at home (decluttering and get a label maker & containers)

couch to 5k maybe

socially - even to get out to local fitness classes, try and work sometimes from local cafe or library (I love our library)

could you volunteer for Christmas or take on a local bar job for the social aspect

Oh my goodness that is not a very encouraging response at all!

Have you thought about getting a dog op? If you go walking at the same time every day in the same place, then you will meet people. Animals somehow attract people to you! Dogs also ensure that you get fresh air,, good exercise and stick to a routine. They are also very comforting to have with you at night when you are alone.

We have a local dog walking group, and you don’t need a dog !
Also on Facebook there’s local litter picking groups which look like fun.

If you want to meet people it would help to have a group centred around a hobby. Going to the gym is fine to get out of the house but it is difficult to interact with others there. Often people are just focused on their own exercise regime.
An activity centred around a hobby often gives better social interaction. I'm thinking things like joining a choir, going to a craft club, having language lessons or joining a walking group. You can learn a new skill and get to meet others with the same interests.

These are great ideas. I would also add that you should make sure you go out and do social things, even if you are alone. (So you don’t work out that you have spent the last 16 evenings at home alone!) Eg cinema by yourself, or even dinner or brunch by yourself. There is a cinema near me that lets you have wine and has Film Festivals. I used to go alone and enjoyed getting out of the house at least! Then when I brought it up in conversation with some new people, someone mentioned she had always wanted to go. We swapped numbers and now go once a month.

I have also found those cafes and restaurants that don’t mind solo people (often with books!) and enjoy heading to them for long brunches or lunches of dinners.

Finally, like driving lessons, using this time for some self-improvement/lessons is great - it gets you out of the house, you might makes friends? And you will learn a new skill! Musical instrument? Go for it! No DH to complain about the noise! Italian cooking classes? Book club? Learn to sew? Swimming lessons? Whatever takes your fancy. And, as above, it gives you something to talk to people about, who might say “l’ve always wanted to learn to do that, can I come too” and you make a friend.

Finally, put the feelers out and accept every invite out. It turns out Aunt Janie’s god daughter moved near you? Let me have her number! We must have go for a drink! A work colleague moves nearby, let’s meet for a coffee one afternoon. Your third cousin you don’t really remember lives in a house share 2 blocks away? Let’s have brunch and catch up. You may get in with the new people, you may not. You may meet people through them that you get on with. But either way, you will be out and about, have lots of stories to tell DH, and lots of new skills!

My husband spends blocks of time overseas for work, often a couple of months. Things that make me feel happy and/or safe while living alone:
Burglar alarm.
Good lighting outside the front of house, for parking and seeing properly to unlock door.
I leave a small light on in the hall if I go out and expect to be back in the dark, it feels welcoming.
Opportunity to eat all my favourite foods, on repeat!
Curtains and blinds closed on all overlooked windows.
I'm busy with work most days, but will go away on short visits to family sometimes.
A good tv series to watch.
Solo cinema trips, an unexpected joy!
Hope this helps!

Frequent your local cafe. Take your work there for an hour each day or your book. Just having them learn your name and your order will make you feel a bit warmer. At my local patrons are friendly and chat too. Some cafes even have a 'happy to chat' table.

If you fancy strength training what about doing it with a PT. My PT is very friendly we chat whilst working out she checks in through the week and motivates me. You'd have some contact and feel less alone.

Some sort of volunteering. Or group. A book club. An App. My friend researched WI and found the right one which did more cool stuff and she enjoyed their company.

Be brave! If you get chatting to a neighbour chance it and invite them in for a coffee.

Get outside every day. Transition from work into home have a routine or ritual.

Agree with finding group hobbies/activities, v random examples: indoor rock climbing, the WI, local wild swimming, local history . Or find a volunteering activity, either with a charity or a local endeavour - there’s a v active Christmas lights committee for example near me. The local library may have regular meet ups (or a board with local groups).

Hi all, thank you so much for these suggestions. Really grateful, and I already feel more prepared.

Some great ideas here, and even the ones that won't work for me have sparked some alternatives. I'll see if Borrow My Doggy exists here, I have a skill that could be useful for volunteering, I know there's a climbing wall and you've reminded me I quite fancy making kimchi.

I've got to get over shyness, and I know I do better when things are centered around a 'reason' or activity.

Also imagining a local paper headline: 'Local woman brains burglar with rolling pin'. Hopefully not, but you've reminded me to ask the landlord about the alarm system.

I'll make do and it's a chance to feel more confident. Thank you all again.