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Is this normal or am I holding a grudge

7 replies

Hayloftt · 09/11/2022 22:44

Name change as this is pretty outing.

In March, my daughters dad assaulted me in front of her. She was 6 weeks at the time. I ended up telling my HV to many peoples disappointment and of course, it ultimately had to end. This upset a lot of people.

I love my mum so much but sometimes I have this inner conflict. My mum still loves my daughters dad. She saves him food and wants to have him over still. She asks how he is and invites him to coffee with us. Offers her spare room etc. Now if I were her, I'd be so angry at him for hurting my daughter. However, instead I somehow almost got the blame. I've been faced with 'so you never hurt him?' and I'm sure they think I wound him up and I deserved it. They blame it on taking on too much (child, house etc) at once. My therapist says it's maybe because she's been through it and sees is different to me or that it's generational.

It just doesn't feel right to me and its got so bad I'm wondering if I am being dramatic. I've been told this my whole life. It makes me wonder if what happened was even that bad. I've been told it could've been so just h worse which it could've been, but it invalidates me.

What's normal here? It's confusing. When my mum gets annoyed it takes me back to the whole scenario and makes me emotional

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/11/2022 22:47

No you’re absolutely right. Your mum is a disgrace not having your back and being livid at him. I think you need to step away from her, she’s not good for you. It sounds like she makes you question yourself when you’re absolutely right.

JimmyKrankie · 09/11/2022 22:57

Your Mum is 💯 wrong

BobbyBobbyBobby · 09/11/2022 23:04

I would drop my mother like a hot potato if she acted like that!

Dotcheck · 09/11/2022 23:05

Ask her if it bothers her that he hurt you

Hayloftt · 10/11/2022 00:00

@Dotcheck
It's sort of unspoken now or I get disappointed looks thrown my way but I have asked her this before and it comes back to 'it was a stressful time for him'

OP posts:
Hayloftt · 10/11/2022 00:01

I love her so much so there's this constant conflict in my mind Sad

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 10/11/2022 06:24

Sorry but your mum is a cow. You should be the priority, not him.

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