Can kids live in a van?

[Vanbamthankumam]

Ex partner has become a fantasist over the years since we broke up, about things he's going to do and places he's going to live. He could easily rob a bank because he knows where the vaults are. One day he's going to build a house fully under ground and live there like a mole. That sort of crap.
The one tamer idea that has really stuck is that he's going to live in a van. Not to save money or anything, just to be some cool living on the road guy and travel the world.

We have one child and while half of me thinks he's full of crap the other half worries about my child having her overnight visits in some cold van parked on the side of the road. If he really goes down this route would it actually be allowed? If I go through legal proceedings would they let him keep her in a van or could I insist on some other arrangements?

We hired a van for our holiday and the children absolutely loved it! Might be a lovely adventure and great bonding time for them! I would have loved it as a child

I've done it for a few months, living in a caravan with kids. It's fine. They don't mind. Teenagers are harder, as they want more space away from mum and dad.

You're asking the wrong question really.

"Van life", as in a proper camper van, is perfectly OK, and lots of normal and well-adjusted people live this way. Of the things you list your former partner as wanting to do, this is the one thing that is not unreasonable.

Other than that? The devil-may-care, fantasist, Walter Mitty approach to life (robbing a bank? living in some sort of underground bunker?!) certainly is not OK.

Thank you for letting me know.

Watch the film Captain Fantastic. Absolute brilliant film

Vans - whether camper vans, caravans etc. - are actually really cosy. Because it's a small space it heats up pretty quickly. My parents regularly stay in theirs in December and they're in their 70s.

Having said that he sounds like a wazzock who never actually does anything, so I shouldn't worry about it too much. He'll probably see the price of them and change his mind.

As long as its got beds, heating, hot water, a cooker, loo it's OK I think. The static caravans we used to stay in were very livable. They even had a dish washer and en suite with the main bedroom. We don't even have en suite at home!

You are worrying about nothing. Don't waste any more energy on it. You yourself have pointed out he is a fantasist. Camper vans cost a lot. Does he even have the money? Even if he did pull it off, if is plan is to travel the world he's not really going to be back every other weekend is he?!

I would check for safety, and if that's o.k. allow DC to spend the night there. Fancy or not, for a child it will probably be an adventure 😊 Also thinking that if your child is a girl and being/going in(to) puberty, your DC might appreciate a minimum of privacy - thinking bathroom here, especially when she is on her period. (I guess privacy is possible in the good vans, not in a paintsplattered transat.)

I think probably just cling on to the fact that it's unlikely to ever happen, proper vans are not cheap!

Now that's just silly.

I understand your concerns about living in a small space, but why on earth would she be stolen or driven away? Presumably your ex will be with her.

The op said that she meant campervan. People sleep in campervans all the time.

@EndlessMagpies no it means a proper canpervan , maybe try reading the op's messages.
When I say van I do mean campavan really. It will have beds and heating.

I grew up for my entire childhood in a van/bus. Loads of my friends and family live the same lifestyle (new age travellers I guess you'd call us!). No issues with any of the kids I know who grew up that way. I'd ask to check out the van as some were... more rustic shall we say. But if it's done decently (toilet, shower, burner, cooking equipment, private space for your daughter) it's absolutely fine. You'd be surprised how many people live this way!

It depends how much he's over-romanticising it. Some people do it out of necessity, some people do it because it looked cool on Instagram. I read this article the other day: Van life is just ‘glorified homelessness,’ says a 33-year-old woman who tried the nomadic lifestyle and ended up broke.

fortune.com/2022/10/18/van-life-gone-wrong-nomadic-lifestyle-tips-natasha-scott/

If it's a proper campervan with two separate beds and a functioning bathroom I'd not have an issue.

If it's a simpler conversion of a transit which tend to have one big bed over the driver cab and may not have plumbing then I wouldn't want my daughter living like this on a regular basis. As an odd overnight though, even this would be fine.

There are plenty of people blogging about living in a van on social media, including families with children.

See how it works out.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong with the idea and it has yet to happen.

Maybe you can ask to see it when the time comes and if you don’t feel it’s safe you can challenge it. For me to feel happy it would have to have a carbon monoxide alarm and a smoke alarm and extinguisher or fire blanket.

Depends if he's the type that means the kids live in a van full time (not much fun outside hot, sunny, or mild, spring weather) or not...

Is he planning to move abroad with the van?

There was a man locally, who'd divorced and had 2 DC and a nice retro converted VW van. Saw his DC fairly regularly but he did have a house too.

I personally think if the man is some kind of new age hippy/crustie with the van ideal then it can go horribly wrong as one of my best friend's DF's (and van wasn't permanent) was dragged to Glasto etc on holidays and apparently made money as a 10/11 year old selling pancakes there - late 70's/early 80's. He also lived in a caravan in the woods somewhere whilst doing building work - in grounds of forester/forestry family with a proper house. Sounds fun but as teens she spent loads of time in the local pubs, partying and taking magic mushrooms etc. He did eventually move in with a woman and her 2 DC until that went pearshaped. God knows what her DM thought of her seeing him but her DP's were divorced so probably had no choice. Funnily enough, even though my friend has had a colourful lifestyle now, she's never forgotten her anarchist DF and hasn't subjected her DC to the same lifestyle, though they've probably seen/heard/experienced some hair-raising stories in their time.

The thing which would worry me about the ex is that he's a fantasist and possibly a conspiracy theorist. I'd run a mile from someone like this looking after my DC in a campervan even if it were done up like Buckingham Palace with gold taps and gilt everywhere.

Living underground like a mole honestly gave me such a giggle. Thank you for that.

I think yeah it's absolutely fine for a child provided it's roadworthy and has beds and heating etc. People do it with multiple children all year round in the travelling community and on holidays in campervans for adventures. I don't see why this would cause an issue? Some of the converted vans you can get now are class and if i could talk dh into one I absolutely would.

I agree with the earlier poster who said this is a bridge to cross if it happens though- if he's a dreamer he maybe isn't great at bringing it into reality.

We have a campervan which we have used in December but on a proper site with electric hook up. We have a loo but the cassette needs emptying frequently so there has to be somewhere legal and environmentally acceptable to do this. It flushes with water but its not 'plumbed in' as a poster termed it. We only ever use proper campsites and use the showers on site and it would be expensive to actually live like this. To make it a way of life would involve thinking seriously about the disposal of waste etc. Also wild camping is illegal in England. Its legal in Scotland although a lot of locals hate them as some disgusting people dump their toilet waste in streams or fields.

@Vanbamthankumam
I watched a you tube video of a family who decades ago took their two young children around the world on a timber properly rigged out sailing ship.
The kids loved it.
As it rounded cape horn it looked ferocious
but what a LIFE!!
I’ll try and link it.

This is the video...Child of Four and his sister rounded Cape Horn... the old man on the video IS the four year old in the video.

Sixty foot waves... the vid is amazing!

The kids are on the see~sawing deck awash with water, climbing rigging.. {in longer vid at least}

I was responding to another pp who I thought at the time had confused vans with caravans.