If you found a local shop keeper creepy, would you still go to the shop?

[Jippers]

We have a handy small grocers nearby, very convenient. But the chap behind the till gives me the creeps. There's nothing outward I can put my finger on though. Do you trust your gut instinct?

Mine is nowhere near witty or articulate enough to have said that. It’s literally just STAND THERE! SCAN THERE! NO, NOT LIKE THAT, THAT’S WRONG!

You don't believe that we read non-verbal cues and that we have insight before someone does something overt? I mean you're wrong. My gut has definitely saved me from violence. 100% sure of it.

Some people's radar is very good. Some people don't have it as well.

Yes I would still go but then I keep conversation to a minimum anyway so would only say thanks and leave so wouldn’t stop going

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles brilliant!

I’d still go there, in the case of the op nothing has actually happened that would make me think of not going. Someone behind the till giving me the creeps? Yeah well I still need butter/bread/beer so I’ll pay you and be off.
I did refuse to use a local shop a few years ago when we suspected the owner of abusing his wife, we knew the neighbours my friend was in the garden one evening with her dog, it was late and dark, she said the wife of the shopkeeper was whispering at her to come over so she did, then she asked my friend to call the police as she was being abused by her husband. He has always been quite shouty towards his staff, obviously this doesn’t necessarily mean that he was abusive to his wife but still…

Yes. I spend time round people I don't like for a multitude of reasons. And how much interaction do you actually have with him?

No I wouldn't unless I had to. There are two charity shops in my town that have creepy/sleazy men working in them. I try and see who's in there before I go in and I don't go in if they're in. Obviously a charity shop isn't an essential shop to go in though.
If I needed something essential I would try and go elsewhere or at least go when it's busy.

😂

sorry wrong thread.

😅

@MrsTerryPratchett

'your gut is cleverer than your brain.'

Very pleased to hear that, as it appears that my gut is considerably larger than my brain! (based on if it can fit in my hat - it can't!) 😐

Trust your gut.
When I was in my early teens, the guy who owned the little butcher-cum-greengrocer down our road started to give me the creeps. Couldn’t put my finger on why. And I stopped going in there - I’d walk to the next shop a few streets away instead.
Then when I was in my early 20’s it came out that he’d been arrested and investigated for inappropriately touching a friend of his teenage Dd 🤢

No. I don’t buy from a greengrocer in my local town for exactly this reason.

I’ll just leave this here.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles you sound particularly skilled.

I think we do our DDs a great disservice pretending they should ignore their instincts. My DD has had a lot of contact with homeless people and drug users because I bump into them from work. She's almost never wrong. From very little. And it wasn't based on how dodgy they looked, just her feelings.

I agree with this. Deciding someone is “creepy “ with nothing more than gut feelings ( whatever they are) is cruel

Sorry, I’m at a leaving do and ever so slightly pissed

Deciding someone is “creepy “ with nothing more than gut feelings ( whatever they are) is cruel

And ignoring that feeling is dangerous.

I think you can do a little audit of it. Like is it some prejudice based on ND or race or something acquired. Feel free to do a subconscious bias test online.

But ignoring the feeling isn't clever. It's generally your subconscious brain's attempt to process non-verbal cues.

With a small shop, you are often alone with the owner, so I think it's perfectly reasonable to avoid that situation if it doesn't seem right.
I don't have one I avoid anymore, the shop has now closed.

No, I wouldn't go

I once got locked in the store room at a garage store

He ended up six months in prison for attempted r@pe

What like someone looking a bit odd? or looking homeless? Or behaving in a way you don't think is 'normal'

Yes it's cruel to dismiss someone as creepy because of your gut feeling.

We only have one shop in our village so yes or it would be really inconvenient. There’s always more than one staff member and it’s always busy so I’d just make sure I don’t go really early or late when it’s likely to be quieter.

I think often instincts are the only things keeping us safe, particularly most women and children who don’t have physical strength to ward off attackers (unlike most men). So yes you should trust your gut. If you dislike and feel unsafe with this man to the degree you’d shop elsewhere to avoid him, then you should do that to protect yourself. Nobody ever said shopkeepers have to have DBS checks.

Just for a balanced perspective, there is a local shop near me where the man is so nice, kind, reasonable and generally lovely (also slightly sexy) that I go out of my way to shop there 😆

I work in housing/homelessness and have spent my life with people who look out of the norm, including looking really very ill, addicted or otherwise problematic. Separately I get creepy feeling, often from smart looking people. I was once saved from a smart group of drunk wankers by a drug dealer client. THEY had prejudice about him. I knew who was safer in that moment.

By all means examine your prejudice but it isn't always that.

It isn't "cruel"

I trust my gut. I used to be a cleaner in my early 20s. often elderly men whose wices had passed hired me. Some were lovely, and I would stay and have a cup of tea with them afterwards. Some of those even "flirted" if you can call it that (oh if I were 20 years younger type comments) but it was charming and brightened their day. You can just tell it was harmless.

Others I just got a "vibe" from and I didn't go back. And I don't regret it. PPs are right that if subconscious cues make you feel uncomfortable, you should listen to them. Or should a young female working alone in a strangers home just shut up and #bekind?

I have read @MrsTerryPratchett that there are more neurons in the gut than the brain. Wish I understood it more. I decided to look up the business at companies house and it makes an enormous amount of money pa (very very healthy profits) which got me wondering if it's used as a front for laundering some other operation elsewhere. That's by-the-by though.