How do I get over a friend doing this to me?

[blackcoatofarmour]

My mum died of cancer when I was 13 so my grandad raised me.
He was my best friend.
I became his carer when I was 20 till 33 because of his dementia.
I did it alone and it was so tough.
I cried most days.
He would scream,cry,think I was his wife etc etc
I loved him with all my heart.
I had a "friend" she was toxic
Anyway we fell out because of a guy I was seeing who she liked (she was in her 30s yet behaving like this )
The guy I was seeing was a escape from this life I had.
Anyway one day social services turned up
Someone had reported me to police saying I was stealing from my grandad.
Fast forward a investigation -checking bank statements etc
Luckily I kept all receipts for items bought and money in savings etc
It was all dropped and was malicious
It caused three weeks of torture ,I started self harming and honestly was suicidal

Anyway it was "friend " who did it
She had told guy I was seeing (as they were friends ) and ruined that
I'm over him now tho and couldn't care less -if he was stupid enough to believe her
I'm stuck thinking how someone could do that to me -who I had been friends with for all them years
God she hated me didn't she ?
How do I move on?
My grandad has passed now and I miss him so much

Anyone ?

I'd say it says a lot more about her than you. Waste of SS time too when they're already stretched to capacity. I hope you have better people in your life now.

((HUGS)) You move on by acknowledging that she was no friend... just a jealous person ..and a seriously flawed , unkind, horrible human being.
You were amazing... not many people can care for someone with dementia and it is obvious that you loved your Grandad very much (as I'm sure he did you!)

Some people's actions simply are unfathomable. She was jealous and behaved like a teenager. She shame is hers.

I'm not a massive fan of CBT and therapy generally (I'm a bit too 'stiff upper lip myself ..my flaw) but I think that if you can, having a bit of counselling might help you move past both her betrayal and help you come to terms with the loss of your Grandad.

You sound lovely. She was not!

I have come across people for whatever reason realise they believe that they are not a very nice person or not not very clever and feel inferior to others.

That’s hard for them to accept so their mind becomes twisted and they get gratification from seeing other people suffer especially if they have manipulated a situation or been the instigator of being cruel or unkind to someone they see as being a nice person.

Bringing others down gives them a feeling of superiority which temporarily masks their feelings of inferiority.

They often wear a mask of decency which many people fall for.

There's a lot to unpack here.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. There's a good thread on here that may help a bit.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) ) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022

Secondly, in my view, the fault is hers. As is the shame. It seems to come from a place of jealousy. Was there any indication of this behaviour before?

You can't get over that and nor should you have too, it's okay that you don't.
You were dealt a fucking horrid hand with losing granddad in such a horrid manner.
You had someone who for some reason was trying to ruin you and we can bash it out as to why she did it, but you may never know, she did it and its fucking painful and I'm sorry that happened. Absolutely shite.

What you do now is you accept it, learn to live with the fact somebody betrayed you and you feel gratitude they're out your life and now you work on new relationships with kind people.

We all want to get over things but we rarely accept we can have a good life without healing from trauma, sadly that's not always possible and you just have to, every day, when it hurts, think of how rich your life is without her and be grateful she caused some damage, but didn't do anything that ended without you being here.

You encountered a very fucked up person who was toxic and jealous and had some evil in her, but she's gone now.
Youre here and will have a fabulous life.

Each day the strong feelings of hurt will lessen until its not as painful, it'll always be present, accept it, but remind yourself it won't define you, it won't ruin your day if you think about it and there are 7bil humans on this planet, you have the opportunity to seek out lovely ones.
Feel excited for your future, but be careful with your trust, use her twattishness to give you a guide for what to see as red flags and what you won't accept.

It's tough but you'll have a better life for adapting your attitude x

I recommend this book

www.goodreads.com/book/show/41721428-can-t-hurt-me

Gosh you poor thing and your poor grandad.
I can't see how you can get over this - the only thing you can remember is that time will be a great healer, and one day this will feel much less raw. You did your very best for your grandad, and nursed him until the very end. She is just a nasty piece of work, who for whatever reason enjoys upsetting people unnecessarily.
So sorry for your loss. My gran (currently in her final days and we are caring for her at home) is my world, and if anyone accused me of hurting her in any way I would be reeling. My heart goes out to you.

Apart from all your losses like parents, now your granddad, 'friend' and your bf, it is terrible to be blamed for something you did not do, especially something that is the very opposite of how you were for your granddad. That is so unjust and upsetting. You have had a really hard time OP, and are a lovely person. Just take of yourself now, hold your head up knowing that nothing this toxic friend did need bother you anymore, and go forward now into a lovely life. Put the lesser people behind you and have new better ones in your life, and enjoy your life. Your DM and Granddad would want that for you. Hugs.

Who needs enemies with friends like her!

Go and live your life op, you are free from caring and stress. Block her and go and find some real friends, have some fun and live a little as your Grandad would have wanted. Life is too short for terrible friends. I believe bad relationships shorten life expectancy. So look after yourself and choose wisely.

I would start with a new wardrobe and a holiday

Thankyou Everyone I'm in a better place now than I was.
I have a boyfriend and we live together.
We are going to Lanzarote tomorrow actually -I'm excited.
She tried her best to ruin me and that's a hard one to let go off.
I loved my grandad so much -I still cry most days over loosing him.
He meant everything to me -she literally went for the thing to hurt me the most-and people believed her.
She said "her trying to prove she is innocent,proves her guilt"
I was proving my innocence because I was innocent.
If I hadn't she would have said "her silence proves her guilt"
I hate her

Losing a grandparent you're close to is the fucking worst, I was also a carer to my gran, she lived with me during her final years. So I understand.
However I don't cry every day even though I miss her and I'm grateful she's gone, the world is too much for our elderly folks, covid terrifies them, lockdowns made them anxious, the cost of living.
Be grateful grandad lived during a better time.
I hate talking for people who aren't here but on this case I will, your grandad loved you immeasurably and was so grateful to you, you showed him kindness beyond what most elders will ever receive.
Don't cry because you miss him, cry you got him. He doesn't want you sad, i know he doesn't because you wouldn't want him crying for you, would you?
He wants to see you happy and living life.
Now go pack your suncream lovely and live life as wonderfully as you can, because grandad would love knowing that, okay? Hugs x