Huge identity crisis!

[antlerso]

I have no idea what's going on with me.

But I feel like I don't know who I am. If you asked me to describe my personality, I couldn't. And what I do know, I don't think I'm happy with. I feel like I'm imagining myself through the perspective of other people, and it's going back to school and people thinking I was weird and annoying and now I can't stop feeling insecure about that.

I'm not sure how to get out of it? I feel like my whole personality has gone blank. Like I'm just walking around in a body.

Well, you change as you get older, you gain and lose patience. You give less fucks about things that once seemed all consuming and super important. You become more or less sport as your body and your lifestyle changes.
Your likes and dislikes change in terms of books and films. People who were clubbers are likely to settle down a bit when they have children etc.

You don't need a label to define yourself but if you feel the need why not try an online quiz to set yourself in the right direction.

You’ll need to give a bit of context and how old you are etc.

Even people who think they have no personality have a personality. You are posting here because you chose to. Other personalities might have posted somewhere else, or not at all.

@Byelaws nearly 23!

Aaah so you are midway between moving from childhood and proper adulthood. Young adulthood is a weird time, you are both an adult and also sort of a treated like a child particularly if still living at home. Working out what industry you want to work in, where you want to live, childhood hobbies may have ended. I guess you try as many different things as you can and see what sticks and see how your new adult personality adapts from choice you make instead of choices that were made for you by, family/school/college etc.

@Singleandproud maybe it's a case of growing up too fast because I've been a mum for 6 years, lived on my own for 6 years and I'm really sure what my hobbies are, where I want to live, and I'm on way to do my masters in my chosen career path.
I don't feel like I've felt as if I've been treated like a child since I got pregnant - and I have two now!

I'm starting to worry that it's because I have such minimal social time with people/minimal friends and an important part of knowing who you are is experiencing yourself in other adult groups? I don't know if that makes sense?

But also as a side note to last message - I feel super uncomfortable when it comes to socialising for the most part because I feel like I don't know who I am and just feel like I'm forcing who I am when I speak to other people?! Don't know if that makes sense either!

It's normal to lose sight of 'you' when you are a parent to young children, a lot of who you are is based on who you are to them !

Not being rude (I really don't mean it to sound that way), but why do you care? I couldn't describe my personality either and any perception I have of myself is probably not the same as the one others have of me. It doesn't matter.

If there is something concrete you are concerned about that you think is holding you back in life (e.g. lack of social confidence) then work on it. I don't think ruminating on an inner life/phantom concepts like self identity is productive.

@FlimFlam2 I'm not sure why I do - I think just having no clue what my traits are etc has just thrown me off. I feel like nothing just walking around in a body.

But you are obviously not nothing? You have preferences, interests, skills, relationships and people who love you. You are a parent to two kids, so you do meaningful work. Anyway, I don't think I can help as my advice is (pretty much always) just to stop being so inside yourself and get on with it. Sorry!

Well we ARE our bodies, and yours has done some pretty great things growing two babies!! I remember feeling a bit like this when I had young children though. I felt like I lost a bit of who I was as this other role became so dominant where everything was about them and their needs. It's a season of life, it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.

I got over it by going back to work, where I was "me" not "DCs mum" all the time. I also carved out time for myself and the things I like/need to do - reading, exercise, really elaborate cooking projects on the weekend, coffee with friends, I'm on a charity board etc. I made sure that DH and I had equal amounts of leisure time for ourselves, as well as family time.

I suspect that the person you were before you had kids is no longer relevant to who you are now, as you had kids young. You have built a life as "mum", it's time to also build that adult life for yourself. Most people do this in their teens and 20s, whether they have kids or not - it's normal! I didn't start my career until I was 25 myself (and then promptly took mat leave 3 years later!)

Feeling a loss of self and an empty feeling inside are well known psychological phenomenon.
Those feelings can appear for a variety of reasons and can be worked through. If you have enough money or Healy insurance I would recommend finding a psychotherapist to help you see what might be behind this for you.
if that’s not possible maybe try and do some reading around it. Google “loss of self” and “emptiness” with either “psychology” or “psychotherapy” have a read and see if anything fits for you. It may not apply but it can help jus to see it’s not just you.
You could also try some mediation. Start off with a few minutes each day. There are beginners courses online.

unveiledstories.com/lost-identity-6-ways-to-rediscover-yourself/
louise-hallam.medium.com/ive-lost-my-identity-c74551ce93a9

Seems to be a thing.

There's even a movie.