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Original poster

"Compulsory" Christmas parties

29 replies

SilverPen · 08/11/2022 18:18

I'm school SLT

2 Christmas dos have been arranged. One for all staff and one for SLT. Head has made it clear that SLT are expected to attend both.

Total cost of the two events is £90 plus drinks and travel. I can afford it, but it's absolutely not how I'd choose to spend that money.

Is there a way to object without sounding whiny? I understand why she wants everyone there and it is generally a good place to work with a good team spirit, but this feels like an unreasonable demand. I don't really want to give the time on two evenings at a busy time of year either I know she can't make us go, but it feels like it would be a bad move not to iyswim.

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 08/11/2022 18:21

Have you got any unmissable obligations on those dates?
I know we should probably stand up to these enforced events but it's easier said than done...

donquixotedelamancha · 08/11/2022 18:25

I know we should probably stand up to these enforced events but it's easier said than done...

It's really not. You just don't go.

If the head has specifically asked all of SLT to go it's polite to tell her you won't be able to go but someone who can't do that (no matter how much of a dick the head is) has no business being SLT in a school.

Original poster
SilverPen · 08/11/2022 18:25

Unfortunately I wasn't quick thinking enough and did agree to the dates, although I've now had to decline much better offer for one of them.

OP posts:
MuckyPlucky · 08/11/2022 18:26

I totally hear you. My head of service (not teaching, but akin) expects us to attend staff nights out such as Xmas and work anniversaries. It’s non-negotiable basically, as it’s “important all the team are there”.
Im the only one in team who is a lone parent, single-income household. Having a babysitter is impossible due to various circs, and on the occasions they’re with their dad I DONT want to be mandated to spend that precious time with work colleagues who I don’t have much in common with, nor to spend £££ on drinks / taxis / crazy golf etc etc…

In the past I’ve just selected no options on the doodle poll, but then he just changes the available options. He’s so bloody PUSHY and can’t read the signals. The more he mates this “fun” the more it makes me run for the hills!!!

Having previously been a manager myself, I’d never assume that the whole team might enjoy the same things just because I did. I hate it that he can’t appreciate that throwing his weight around to pester people into giving up their own private time is unethical given his position of authority in the team!!!!

Morechocmorechoc · 08/11/2022 18:26

I'd say very clearly that you're happy to go if it's paid for. Nothing you have to pay for can be compulsory.

Original poster
SilverPen · 08/11/2022 18:27

I could tell the head no. I quite often do tell her things she doesn't want to hear, especially when it's (to my mind) in the interests of the staff or children, but I'm not sure this is a battle worth fighting iyswim.

OP posts:
queenofthebongo · 08/11/2022 18:30

Hmmm I also think it's awkward of them to demand your time in this way, I don't have enough spare time to spend it with the people I really love, let alone work colleagues i don't know very well.(don't get me wrong I love my team, but not the wider community!) I also think it's a bit rude of them to take more of your time, especially after training, parents evenings etc! Especially as it will cost you money! It's not like they're treating you!

Starlightstarbright1 · 08/11/2022 18:30

I had my manager asking if she could change my mind about xmas do.she excepted price was too much for my income. There is a reason it is the senior staff are going.

KenCoff · 08/11/2022 18:32

I don't blame you OP, 2 work nights out is quite unreasonable particularly this year!

Doesn't help you this time but my default with anything I'm invited to work wise is always to say "oh that date's ringing a bell, pretty sure I've already accepted an invitation for that date but I'll check when I get home" Then it buys me a bit more time to suss out if I actually want to goSmile

asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 18:33

Compulsory my backside. You can’t be forced to attend any function outside of work.

Just say that you can’t due to family commitments or simply say you can’t pay that amount of money for two nights out, especially coming up to Christmas.

If they really really want you to be there then they can pay the bill!

donquixotedelamancha · 08/11/2022 18:33

I'm not sure this is a battle worth fighting iyswim.

It really shouldn't be a battle. Even a arsey head would not usually try their luck over a staff party.

If this is the kind of head who will battle over something this petty (I've worked for a head like that, they are horrific) then it's probably more important to have the battle now because if you don't draw lines when they haven't got a leg to stand on it becomes very hard to draw lines when it really matters.

asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 18:33

And, it’s a really strange set up. My work place are only having one night out for both my colleagues and the management, no separate night out for the ‘higher ups’

Curioushorse · 08/11/2022 18:37

Hmmm. I sort of feel if you're SLT you should be there. It's where you're encouraging informal team building with staff, as well as promoting positive relationships in the school.

If you're not there, I would assume you didn't value that, to be honest.

Full disclosure: I hate Christmas parties and won't go- but that's because I'm happy not being involved in building positive staff relationships and just want to do my job and leave. I'm not SLT though.

PollyAmour · 08/11/2022 18:38

I just say no, I'm not going. No excuses, no prior engagements, just no. I'm not spending £90+ on a night out with people I work with. I'd rather spend that kind of money on a night out with friends or family, people I love.

asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 18:38

But I’m not sure if this is a battle worth fighting

it shouldn’t be a battle. If you want to go then go, if not, you shouldn’t feel obliged to go.

there are many people in my workplace, myself included, who barely attend work dos.

ThunderMoo · 08/11/2022 18:38

Tell her you can't afford both costa living and all and so could she let you know which one she thinks it's most important you prioritise?

gogohmm · 08/11/2022 18:42

Unless an event is fully funded they can't insist you go though I would go to the whole school do only

StaceySolomonSwash · 08/11/2022 18:53

I always refused on grounds of my religion as I don't celebrate Christmas. (Officially! We do have Christmas dinner and family parties but I don't let on at work)

emmathedilemma · 08/11/2022 18:53

If it’s not in work hours, work aren’t paying for it, or paying you to be there, then it ain’t compulsory in my opinion! I hate “enforced fun”, just because I work with you, doesn’t mean I want to spend my leisure time with you!

OrangePomander · 08/11/2022 18:58

I hate this sort of thing. We’re being strongly ‘persuaded’ by management to go to our expensive Christmas do. To avoid the pressure I’ve said yes with the full intention of pulling out nearer the date, before we have to put down our deposit. I wish they wouldn’t do this.

6poundshower · 08/11/2022 18:58

I'd be more bothered about the money than the time tbh. Why not say really sorry but I can't afford it, regardless of the truth of that? How is she going to challenge/judge your ability to pay? It's perfectly legitimate thing to say. Say you need that pot of money for something for your children/family.

I hate the idea that the people who pay my salary could demand I then spend some of that in a way they choose.

Upwiththelark76 · 08/11/2022 19:09

I never go on my Christmas dos . There’s a million and one things I’d rather do than spend time with colleagues I actively seek to avoid in my working day . She can’t make you. Say no unfortunately something has come up.

Heatherjayne1972 · 08/11/2022 19:30

Is this a Christmas do? Ie informal /fun/ social/ chat/ food type thing

or is it a work do ie connecting / networking/ chatting about work stuff

if it’s the first then don’t go unless you want to
if it’s the second you probably should go but they should pay

if it’s both then that’s awful

EndlessMagpies · 08/11/2022 19:32

Voluntary is one thing, compulsory is quite another.

If attendance at any event outside work hours is non-negotiable and my presence is demanded, then I in return would expect to be paid for my time, and that the event would be paid for by my employer.

Nobody gets to tell me what to do or how to spend my money. The older I get, the more bolshy I become.

asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 19:38

EndlessMagpies · 08/11/2022 19:32

Voluntary is one thing, compulsory is quite another.

If attendance at any event outside work hours is non-negotiable and my presence is demanded, then I in return would expect to be paid for my time, and that the event would be paid for by my employer.

Nobody gets to tell me what to do or how to spend my money. The older I get, the more bolshy I become.

I second this!!