The subtle art of not giving a shit

[TheVivi]

How do you foster this attitude without becoming cynical?

I am annoyingly thin skinned and a bit emotional but have it otherwise pretty together. I can control my emotions but I am starting to feel incredibly fed up with the level of bullshit around me. I used to be assertive but am less so now for some reason (turned 45 this year).

So, how do I not get stressed about all the crap that comes form so many people? I do know doing a few gratitude exercises helps shift my mindset but what else do people do to not let stuff get under their skin?

Because, despite what you think, they probably don’t care half as much about you as you think (in a good way).

I used to worry so much about what people thought before realising they all have their own shit on and probably don’t think about me at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not easy but my advice is to become so sleep deprived you literally do not have the resources to give a shiny shit. It will completely numb you to all kinds of bullshit.

My hope is when my baby sleeps and I am not so sleep deprived thé not giving a shit will be ingrained.

This worked for me.

What crap are you talking about?

I’m only friends with people I actually like - I’ve just culled anyone I don’t actively enjoy hanging out with.

work wise, I just don’t give it headspace. My husband takes a lot of things that happen as personal slights, but they’re not, everyone is just trying to get through the day.

Similarly I was at a family christening and my BIL asked if I was offended at a comment an uncle had made (it was the fact we were having a winter wedding and he said something like ‘that will be different’). I honestly hadn’t even registered it could be offensive - I don’t give chit chat any real headspace.

I realised that I cant keep everyone happy, so i might as well keep me happy. This has worked at work and socially, but less so in my rather dysfunctional extended family.

I've learnt that they're pissed off at someone else/themselves. It's often none of my business. And get on with my day.

It takes practice, but it's very doable.

There's a book called 'The life changing magic of not giving a fuck'. Basically you have a fuck budget to spend in life and you need to allocate your fucks accordingly. Not point in allocating 10 fucks to something that should be a zero, because you then have 10 less fucks for something you do actually care about, especially if your running low on fucks to begin with.

If you're less assertative and more emotional than you used to be, do you think there's any chance it's part of perimenopause?

Yes, definitely could be peri-menopausal, the 'fuck budget' sounds pragmatic. The stuff I am talking about is not from friends or family thankfully but work colleagues, school mums and similar. I have a handful of good friends and a few lovely other people such as neighbours etc but it seems that when I am in a situation where there is some element of competition (some parents are surprisingly competitive). I usually keep my head down, do relatively well and then some backstabbing/bullying bollocks happens. Other women get more assertive when they hit their forties and fifteen but I used to be more assertive when younger but am feeling more anxious and sensitive now. I then tend to focus on the shite things that are happening in my life rather than on the many good things.