Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD and school club, what time is too late?

26 replies

MumbleCrumbs · 08/11/2022 09:49

DD is 14 and goes to a school pretty far away, she usually relies on the designated school bus there and back but a new club has started after school that she really, really wants to go to. However, this means she will miss the school bus home and have to walk into the village centre, get a bus to the town and then a bus home. This will mean she will be in the town at around 5-5.30. It's not the safest town but the bus station is busy and well lit. She will be with a friend from the walk from school to the bus stop.

Altogether this will mean her arriving home at around 6, and now it is getting dark I am really wary about her doing this. I am quite over protective generally and she is my first teen so I don't know whether I am just being precious or whether I should allow this. Due to work there is no way I could pick her up and we don't drive.

WWYD? She is a very responsible girl and really, really wants to start this club - but I am just so anxious about her being alone out and about at that time.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
MumbleCrumbs · 08/11/2022 10:51

bump Blush

OP posts:
Chimna · 08/11/2022 10:53

At 14 I would say this is a perfect step into independence. Just make sure her phone is charged, she has abit of cash on her and keep your phone on loud for emergencies.

girlmom21 · 08/11/2022 10:56

6pm is absolutely fine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

14 year olds Families
Talipesmum · 08/11/2022 10:56

It does depend rather on the town, and the journey from the bus station back to your house.
At 14 though I think I’d let my child do this. At least as a few weeks trial. At 16 she could be having to travel much further for college (at least, mine will, so I’m trying to be mindful of building up to that).
Can you ask her to text you when she is arriving at the bus stop, and again when she is home? And have a location tracking thing on (that she knows about!) so you know where she is? And school her in basic safety behaviours- not having her phone out as she walks, not having headphones in, keeping to bigger and busier routes if that’s the safest?

WeepingSomnambulist · 08/11/2022 10:58

She is 14. She can get a bus for 6pm.

No wonder so many teens are so incapable.

Original poster
MumbleCrumbs · 08/11/2022 10:59

So its two buses, one from school village to bigger town, then one to our village where the bus stops pretty much outside the house. I do track her which she is fine with and she knows not to have her headphones in when walking etc. I also did think, as a previous poster has said, that she'll need to be doing this exact route when she starts at her school sixth form as her classes don't always follow the routine of the school day, so may be good practice.

I just hate that it will be dark mainly, but I really don't want to stop her from going as she really wants to take it up.

OP posts:
Washaday · 08/11/2022 10:59

Sounds fine to me as long as she is with a friend. Hope she enjoys it!

Blocked · 08/11/2022 11:00

Totally appropriate and a good first step as someone else has pointed out.

Original poster
MumbleCrumbs · 08/11/2022 11:00

WeepingSomnambulist · 08/11/2022 10:58

She is 14. She can get a bus for 6pm.

No wonder so many teens are so incapable.

I don't think she is incapable Hmm. As I said though she is my first teenager, so I wanted some more opinions to be sure I was doing the right thing, particularly as it is getting dark in the evenings now.

OP posts:
Zib · 08/11/2022 11:02

At 14 this sounds fine. Make sure you've talked through what to do if her bus doesn't arrive.

Talipesmum · 08/11/2022 11:02

With your update that’s even more fine. She’ll be on buses - so if anything did go wrong the bus driver is there.

Don’t worry about needing to get a sense of “is it ok or not?” - when things happen for the first time it’s natural to ask. But I think this is a great step for her. She’d have to text me when safe home though!

WeepingSomnambulist · 08/11/2022 11:03

There was a thread a couplr weeks ago about leaving kids in cafes/letting them sit in a cafe alone. I couldnt believe the number of people who said they wouldnt let their child sit in a cafe alone until they were 15/16.

Teens really are being raised to be incapable. If you want an independent teen, which is probably what you were as we were allowed to do things, then let her do things. Its 2 buses and she knows how to do it. It isnt even a question mark.

orangeisthenewpuce · 08/11/2022 11:04

Of course it's fine. She's 14!!

StrangerOnline · 08/11/2022 11:04

A responsible 14 year old, as long as she has phone and money - that’s fine. You are being over-protective but well done for recognising that and asking for a sense-check.
She will enjoy and benefit from a bit of independence

PuttingDownRoots · 08/11/2022 11:08

Which bit are you worried about specifically?
6pm is a pretty normal time for a teenager (or younger!) To be out and about. Butvthere can be local concerns on safety... no one can comment on that exact route.

My DD walks to her club at 6pm alone/with friends. Shes in Yr7/11yo. Shes not the only one. But they are all picked up at 8pm (10-14yos). I walk the same route regularly day and night so know it. I can't say whether your child's route is safe.

helpfulperson · 08/11/2022 11:17

This why anxiety is so prevalent in teens. We are constantly feeding them the message that the world is a dangerous place and they cant keep themselves safe. Explain your concerns and work with her to come up with mitigations.

Original poster
MumbleCrumbs · 08/11/2022 11:23

I think the main thing is being at the bus station in the bigger town, it can get a little rough there from experience but as I say it is well lit and there will be others around. Also, I don't 'constantly' feed DD the message that the world isn't safe, but as I will say again she is my first child, I had her young and have no friends with children of a similar age, so it isn't always easy for me to know whether she is the appropriate age to be doing XYZ ifswim, I don't keep her locked in a tower like Rapunzel or anything!

Thanks for all the comments, I will let her go and just see how it goes. She will need to be doing more of this sort of thing in two years for college so it is probably a good step towards that.

OP posts:
Meadowbreeze · 08/11/2022 11:26

This is absolutely fine. Let her go. I'd be more worried about her walking country roads in the dark with speeding cars than a dodgy town centre, but you say the bus stops near the house so I don't see the problem.

girlmom21 · 08/11/2022 11:30

OP is it worth getting her a personal alarm to make you feel a bit more comfortable? And a gun

PlankingHillClimber · 08/11/2022 11:36

Just go through some scenarios with her, what to do if her bus gets cancelled, what are the alternatives? Can she understand a bus timetable? What to do if she is approached by anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable, where she can look for help in the bus station or to an older female. Also remember to fuck politeness. She doesn't have to talk to anyone she doesn't want to.

Make sure she has her phone charged and if it has a terrible battery get her a charging block so she can top it up. Be aware of her surroundings, learn to stand tall and look confident.

I caught 2 school buses to school from 11 as did most of us but there was safety in numbers. Today far less children catch the bus but she will be in her school uniform so any bloke talking to her will look dodgy and she just needs to raise her voice and draw attention to it. We did have some creepy blokes who specifically hung round the bus station for the school girls, especially us in our knee socks (Catholic school) and they did scare us but you have to do it at some point. See how she gets on but I would let her do it.

ElvenDreamer · 08/11/2022 11:41

My 11 yo gets home 6ish most nights. Navigating bus from city to town, changing in bus station to the usually hugely behind shedule bus to village. She has an alarm on her and we've drummed in to stay in well lit, busy spaces. The times when the bus doesn't turn up and we have to fetch she walks to close by supermarket to wait if the bus station is getting quieter. She is starting a club that will mean getting off at a different stop in town soon, walking to where she needs to be (5 or 10 mins walk) and will be getting dusk at that time. Not ideal, but we are trying it, her phone will be tracked etc. I will be terrified, but I know I need to help her learn to be independent. Good luck with it all @MumbleCrumbs

SleepingStandingUp · 08/11/2022 11:43

Let her. I did after a hook club in year 7 so 11/12, school was 2 buses away and it was def dark by the time I got home and I def did the second bus alone. All pre phone and phone tracker.

TrivialSoul · 08/11/2022 12:03

If she is happy with it then could you let her try it for a while but be prepared for her to stop the club if she doesn't feel happy with coming and going in the dark? For context my just turned 15yr old happily does similar journeys and comes and goes from a club 20mins walk away far later at night but my 17yr old will phone to be met at the bus stop if it's dark and they are alone. I would advocate for independence but leave the door open for changing of minds if it's not right for her.

Clymene · 08/11/2022 12:12

You could install the Hollieguard app on her phone too - it's what our school recommends

Beezknees · 08/11/2022 12:13

Of course it's fine, my DS is 14 and is out until 9pm some nights.