Richard and Judy Christmas 92/ 93

[Timeandtune]

Does anyone remember this? A phone in with Denise when I was on mat leave. Either 92 or 93.

The caller had a DH who hated Christmas. He worked away from home so she and her wee girl would decorate the house in his absence and celebrate Christmas then remove everything before his return and it wouldn’t be mentioned.

The caller thought this was normal but poor Denise was very sad and tried to gently point out it wasn’t right.

I think today we would consider this a form of coercive control but anyhoo I have never forgotten this and every year at this time I remember and wonder what happened to this woman.

That’s so sad! Was he away over Christmas and they just did it in secret? Or did they actually have a fake Christmas on a day that coincided with him being away?

I think he worked away so they had their Christmas in secret. He came home for actual Christmas but it wasn’t mentioned or celebrated in any way.

it wasn’t a religious objection on his part.

His wife described him as a bit of a grump and she felt she had found the perfect solution to enable her wee girl to celebrate and still keep her husband happy.

It depends why the DH hated Christmas. My DH has struggled to enjoy Christmas for years because in his childhood it wasn't a happy time. His parents would argue, fuelled by alcohol, and there was a lot of stress around money. There was no extended family to visit to make things jolly, as his parents families were in another country. He went through the Christmas motions for me, and for years I could sense he thought there was going to be some big kick off between us at Christmas because that's all he knew when he was growing up. And there are people who are uncomfortable with Christmas for religious reasons, even if they're not practicing. Not everyone is bar-humbug because they are abusive. It sounds like this man did the right thing in working away. Although I don't remember the phone it, so maybe there was more to it.

I completely understand that some people may have traumatic experiences , religious objections etc but what struck me about this call ( 30 years on I still remember it) was the secrecy especially for the wee girl who was having to lie to her father.