Panicking - family gifts

[User74774737374]

We are the only ones with children in both mine and dp's family. We decided we were only going to buy for our two dc, that's it.

Dp has his mum, stepdad and 4 younger siblings, I have a similar sized family but also my grandma and uncles. Even just spending £5 each it'll be money we haven't got.

we are struggling. Our mortgage is up for renewal next year. We are the only ones in our families at a huge risk by this. The rest are in council housing, mortgage paid off or happily living with parents rent free.

me and Dp had a discussion and said we would tell our families that we wouldn't be buying anything nor would expect anything back.

secret Santa not an option as not everyone is in the same place at the same time.

in laws have been pretty understanding to be honest, I can't fault them.

I spoke to my mother a few weeks ago and told her, she said okay at the time but spoke to her today, it came up and she said that I have to buy something for them as they have me, which is strange because since I've had Dc my mum hasn't bought me anything at all and my siblings have never bought me anything which is why I thought not buying them anything won't be a problem, my mother has only bought stuff for my dc for several years and 2 of my siblings have never bought their niece and nephew anything.

i told her I'm just not sure I could stretch to it! Even at a fiver each. I can't buy for my family and not my in laws.

most years I spend ages picking out gifts - which I could never afford tbh and got little in return and now I'm the bad guy.

my mum is failing to understand how inevitably our mortgage will be going up and times are going to be hard - she said she didn't understand interests rates etc.

we don't see family on Christmas Day, would it be rude not to turn up when we do see them without gifts - after we agreed a few weeks ago that was what we are doing!

I am pretty much sorted with DC's presents / started early but I don't think I've got the spare money to buy any more gifts. It just seems that I have to buy some gifts when I can't even afford to buy myself clothes?! Can't even afford our heating on!

Honestly, just don't buy presents. It's not compulsory and it's not right that you're stressing out about it. We're in an economic crisis and a lot of people are going to be struggling. People who expect presents are being selfish and unreasonable. Most gifts end up in cupboards anyway.

Just say no and make that the end of it. Your mum will get over it. She can't demand you spend money you haven't got.

Agree with a PP, just don't buy any gifts ... your mother is an adult surely she can understand that if you have no spare money ... then you have no spare money. Have confidence in you own decision and don't feel embarrassed- she is the one who should feel embarrassed - expecting gifts from her own child who is financially struggling.

If you don't have it, then you don't have it and it's as simple as that! Don't get into debt over it. At a push if maybe make something/ get the kids to make something if appropriate but think your mums being unreasonable. I think more people than you realise are in the same situation so good on you for being upfront about it

I'd just put it very simply again, in a message to your mum, dad, siblings. "This year we cannot afford to buy gifts for anyone apart from our children. Please do not buy us any gifts as we cannot buy you gifts. We are still looking forward to spending time with you over the holidays". And then stick to your guns!

Group chat to all
'Hi, just wanted to get in before anyone starts shopping. This year is going to be hard financially for lots of people. We are struggling to afford ever this year in particular. So we'd like to change to not buying gifts (for adults?). I know no one will be offended, and look forward to seeing everyone'

No don’t buy her anything. You’ve told her you weren’t buying anything if she has chosen to get you something that’s her decision. You’ve made it clear you haven’t got the money and that’s that!