Do I give my children this option?

[BastardtheCat]

My 98 year old MIL passed away last night. She was our Queen and up until recently, was hands on and had a strong relationship with our DC. She is at the chapel of rest and we have the option of seeing her.

DC are 14 and nearly 17. Do I give them the option of seeing their beloved Grandmother? I'm a bit numb and not thinking clearly. Your thoughts are appreciated.

This

No I wouldn't even mention it to them, I don't see why you would.

The funeral is enough for them to say goodbye.

It is their decision to make ultimately. In my culture, bodies are at home in the house and even very small children would be seeing them in the coffin. I think it is healthy to include children in the rituals of death. I definitely would not remove the choice from teenagers.

I would certainly tell them about it and let them know the option to visit their much loved grandmother is available to them. They are old enough to be given the choice.
I've always found it a very peaceful experience to spend some time with my deceased loved ones. To see them looking at peace, comfortable, it's always helped me come to terms with grief.
Sorry for your loss.

At their age you need to give them their options and let them make their own decision. I think it would be very normal at that age to see her, but it's up to them and there's no right or wrong.

I think they're old enough to decide for themselves. One may want to and the other not, or maybe both do or both don't. You can't second guess really.

It would respectful to them at their ages to give them the option and make their own minds up what they want to do. Sorry you have lost your MIL, she sounds like a lovely person.

Yes, they are old enough to decide whether or not THEY are comfortable with this.
I know having an open casket is more popular in some cultures and not in others. I have only every been to one, to support a very good friend when his mother died.
While this may not be your choice, it was your MIL or her next of kin's choice to have an open casket before her funeral. You cannot deny your children this on the basis of what YOU might be comfortable with. She is their beloved granny.

and of course, whatever they choose is ok and doesn't mean that they love her any more or less.

Absolutely give them the option, with no pressure. I took DD to my grandfather’s removal as a 3 year old so we could both say goodbye, she’d seen him in hospital before he died, it was very normal and not traumatic. As mentioned, it’s very normal for even young children to be present at open casket removals in other cultures, certainly wouldn’t be considered an issue for a teen.

I am very sorry for your loss. Of course you should allow the children to see her - they are more than old enough. In my country there isn't really a lower cut-off to go to a viewing or to see a body laid out. In fact, I probably wouldn't even phrase it as "you don't have to go if you don't want to" because that kind of frames it as a thing that might be reasonably viewed as undesirable.

I would phrase it as "we're going to see granny laid out at the funeral home at 2pm on Saturday" and if one of them adamantly doesn't want to go, then THEY can be the one to speak up, and you can address that then.

The first time I saw a body laid out I was about 7, and it was my great aunt, who looked so much better than she had when she was dying in hospital. She had always worn her red hair under a headscarf and she looked really dreadful when they brought me to say goodbye in hospital, but when she was laid out, she looked peaceful, calm and her lovely hair was spread out on the pillow. Honestly, it was a much kinder memory to give me than the hospital.

I really think it's only an issue if you use language that FRAMES it as an issue. If you just take them naturally, as a matter of course, they will follow your lead, even at 14 and 17, I suspect.

I'm really grateful for so much feedback. Thanks everyone.