Another 18 hours in A&E

[EmmaAgain22]

Sorry
dropping with tiredness but just wanted to share

mum fell this morning at 7 and I’m just back from getting her settled in hospital

everyone is doing a fab job AFAICS but it’s hard to see what’s going wrong.

I know it’s selfish but I am exhausted. Then back again tomorrow. I think they want to consult quickly on a home care package to free up the bed.

it feels like a repeat of dad dying tbh. The minute they say there’s no medical options left, you’re in frailty. He had cancer. Mum doesn’t. One of the paramedics said to me “we mustn’t get old”. Tbh I doubt I will given my weight but it’s a scary prospect. There was a 97 year old waiting to be admitted as well.

💐

Sounds like a rough night

Hope you're mum is doing alright, it's good that she has you to help

Thanks mack

I did think eventually I’d end up becoming mum’s carer

sadly I think that day has arrived. I’m will have to get other help in though.

Get some sleep if you can, sending hugs your way 💐

Try not to predict how it will be.you honestly don’t no yet.you need rest now.
are you happy to care?
if not you need to make it very clear you can’t and won’t be there AT ALL. They will not help or give a care package if they get a whiff of handing her off in you.
don’t leave until you have a care plan.when thenots will come assess the home etc

Thanks everyone
today has been horrific
she still can't stand without getting dizzy, can't walk and they tried very hard to send her home with me.

I can care, but it is not safe for her to go home

i know they desperately need the bed

I will call care homes tomorrow but some of them might not take her in this condition. The doctors are making no sense and have withdrawn a crucial medication, they would not let us in a minute before visiting time either.

they are saying "she is doing well". It's just gaslighting. How would
i eveb get her in a taxi? All advice welcome.

Don't let them put pressure on you. Your mother is entitled to the bed and you have to be firm that you are unable to cope with her if she is unstable on her feet.

If she needs to recuperate in a care home the hospital have staff that can do this. It's not necessarily an easy thing to do and you need to ask for her to be assessed OT before she goes anywhere. The other think they can do is to put some kind of care package in place. Everywhere is under pressure at the moment so these things may not be quick.

Does your mum have a social worker? Do not let the hospital put pressure on you, to have your mother at home.

Ask the ward to contact the hospital Social Work team to assess your mother. Be clear with the hospital that if they discharge without care in place, it is an unsafe discharge. You also need to request a referral for an OT assessment.
She is entitled to an assessment. If deemed necessary, SS will facilitate a short term residential placement and they should also have provision for emergency home care if that is safe for her. You also need to request a carers assessment. The hospital SW team will do the minimum to ensure her safety (hopefully) and you need to ask them to refer her to the main adult services team for a full assessment as a person in need of care and support.
You may need to be very assertive but stay calm and polite.

I am a Social Worker BTW

Said so much better than me but then I'm not a social worker!

Exactly what Shirley says.

Just keep it polite but be firm.

When you're able, come and join us in the "Elderly Parents" Section under Other Stuff as well. There are lots of experienced MNers in there and a long running support thread.

Thanks everyone
there was a strangeness about it all today

they said the OT and PT would come round in the afternoon but they didn't

the two people who really wanted her out were doctors who want the bed

In terms of re-enablement and nursing, I am fine to pay for a place and I don't want to delay that, so I didn't know if I should ask about a social worker because that might slow things down? I don't want her ending up with hospital induced delirium, I think my dad had a bit of that.

so TLDR - I want to get her into a nicer place, but safely. Is it better to get social workers involved if we are paying ourselves anyway? My nan was in the home I'm looking at and there's no way that would be funded except by us.

we want mum to have the best care and increasingly I'm not sure if carers is the way to go.

I must go to bed but just bumping in case anyone has advice on the "will a social worker slow things down" question.

just think mum would be so much better in a home, unless they change their minds and decide to do something medical.

thanks all.

No the hospital social worker won't slow things down, if anything they'll help things move faster - they can advise on funding, whether residential or nursing care would be more appropriate, they can quickly check to see which homes have places and contact the home directly for you to arrange the transfer. This sounds like a long process but in my experience they can do all this within a couple of days.

Thank you Blocked.

Definitely speak to the Discharge Clerk today @EmmaAgain22

FIL had an unsafe discharge back in April and we've learnt a lot since then, especially to make friends with the Discharge Clerk in the ward and keep talking to them about what's happening.

she's on an acute assessment ward, she was meant to be transferred elsewhere but they don't know where to put her

I supose theyd call her a bed blocker but AFAIC if you can't walk, you need to be in some sort of nursing place.

thank you, I will ask if we can speak to a Discharge Clerk.