Reasons for choosing private vs state school

[Angelinabalerina12]

Can I ask what were your reasons for choosing private primary as opposed to a state school?

The reason we decided on private from primary were small classes (maximum 15) and wrap around care - vital for two working parents. However the main reason was that we are a trilingual family and English was DT’s weaker language. We used an international school so they could be taught in all their languages

Mine started at state in reception and we moved to private a term into y1. I'm glad we didn't leave it any longer as he had to catch up ,despite being bright. That said, plenty of kids join his school at Y3, and do fine.

For us the differences were smaller classes, subject specific teaching, fewer behavioural issues and better differentiation of work.

They do loads more exercise, outdoor learning, weekly swimming, lots of options for extra curricular stuff, great wraparound.

Mine did Frensh since nursery and even had a Frensh nanny, but while my dd in year 6 can string some sentences on random topics together, my ds in year 2 can't do much more than count, greet people and talk about red balloons. Anything they do in pre-prep is usually singing along to Frensh you tube videos and learn some very basic vocabulary and phrases. I don't think you have to worry much. Maybe teach her to count to 20 and name your family members, basic colours, say your name and age in Frensh. The early start might help with the accent, but don't worry, there are no proficient (non native) Frensh speakers in prep schools.

My phone can't even spell French. Autocorrects to Fresh 😂

DD went to our local state school for reception. She is end of August born and even for her age she's tiny and quite timid. We worried (as we saw indications of this in reception) that she would just be lost in a crowd of 30 kids, that she would struggle for her voice to be heard and that she would have to fight for resources. She also seemed to find large groups of kids together noisy and intimidating. She seemed to struggle to make friends and wasn't very happy. Her local school wasn't bad at all. On the contrary, the teachers were lovely and the head is amazing. However, there's nothing they can do about the large class sizes.

Having myself gone to a state school (in a country where private schools back then were pretty much unheard of) I really struggled with the decision to send her private. It goes against a lot of what I believe in. What ultimately swayed our thinking was the she would have to spend at least 8h a day in school for next 12 years or so. We want her to be as comfortable and happy as possible in those 8h that she has to spend at school. We put her in a private school from year 1.

I think if DD had a different personality or just was a bit bigger and more robust we wouldn't have changed. I'm still not convinced that private school is better than local in anything else but the smaller class sizes (though they do offer a breadth of extracurricular activities and music, dance, foreign languages, etc seem to be part of the week) and sometimes I wish she was still at her local school. It's a lot of money. She seems happier and more confident though so I hope we've made the right decision.

There's many things I don't like about her new school. A weird insistence and pride on having a million different pieces of uniform that we have to buy. A subtle pushing towards competition. A very homogenous cohort of students.

DD went to a private school in Year 4 because her ‘outstanding’ state primary school utterly failed her, and there were no other spaces in any of the local state primaries. I never wanted to go down the private school route, but it was either go private, or continue to have a child who was over 3 years behind in some subjects due to the significant behavioural challenges in the class, which were never addressed. DD is shy and lacked confidence, and was teased a lot. She stopped putting her hand up for help because in her own words ‘the teacher never comes to me’ - yes, because the teacher is too busy dealing with the naughty kids and the utter bedlam and disruption in the class.

This is what makes me cross when you get threads on MN about ‘privileged private school’ kids. DH and I scrimp and save every penny to send DD to the school she is at, because the state system failed her. She is finally learning and catching up and her confidence is finally growing.

So sorry to hear that! I'm glad your daughter is thriving.

I grew up in a different country so everything is a learning curve to me when it comes to the school system in the UK.

I have some concerns about DD and like the majority of pp have said, a smaller class size would be very beneficial. DD is very social, consistently good behaviour, very active and loves learning. She loved her nurseries (went prive then state before starting school) and couldn't wait to go every single morning. She was excited about starting school but now she got progressively unhappy and does not want to go to school anymore.

I ask her why she is saying she does not like it. Apparently teachers never notice her..she is too shy to put her hand up etc. Plus there are quite a few kids with behavioural issues who take up a lot of teachers time and energy and who are constantly told off, creating this negative atmosphere...that's what I got from her.

Teachers told me she is wonderful, kind, enthusiastic about all activities, she is doing well with all her learning and very good behaviour.

I do feel that happier, more enthusiastic teachers and a smaller class size would benefit DD.

It's not just money - I agree with PPs who say that they had to scrimp and save. So did we. And I borrowed. It's about working with the school, supporting the teachers not fighting them, prioritising education rather than stuff, putting in the hours to encourage good behaviour. So many parents can't be arsed.

Of course it should be good for every kid. And in the state primary I and other parents put in so many extra hours to help, (reading support 1-1, funding for equipment or music lessons, ran gardening sessions and a free sports club after school, volunteered for trips etc etc).

But it won't be because every parent won't make the effort. (Appreciate some can't, most won't)

I hope you've made the right decision for your DD.

I do worry that we'd have to spend a lot more on uniform and extra curricular activities and it's going to put a lot of pressure on our finances.

Plus I wouldn't want an overly competitive environment.

I am one of those who were failed by the state system in the early years. Like pp describe in their children, I was a summer born who used to love nursery, was confidently reading and writing and generally eager to learn until I started primary. I was lost in the sea of louder, more confident children, many of which had challenging behaviours (I clearly remember a teacher going round the class asking us what we did at the weekend and a boy saying he and his older brother went through all the cars in the neighbourhood with a knife scratching them and slashing their tyres - we would have been about 8 years old). In academics, I was left aside because I started school ahead of many others. As well as crushing my confidence, I completely lost the love I had for learning.

We looked at many state and private schools pre-covid and things seemed to be much better in state in 2019/early 2020. We had pretty much decided on which of our local state schools we wanted to send DC to until COVID hit and we saw the disparity in online learning provision and the way staff were treated and worked into the ground in state sector. I wasn't prepared to take the risk of history repeating itself so we went down the private route. As others have said, the financial sacrifice is a big one - DD's uniform is pretty much all second hand due to the expense, we have fewer holidays than others but the school are fantastic and I see confident and happy children whenever I go. This makes it worth the sacrifice

I'm not saying all state schools are like the one I experienced or will have that extent of vandalism in their pupils, moreso that it is not as clear cut as it may seem

Some of it is timing. I and my two siblings were at the same secondary school with three/four years between each of us. The difference was startling. My experience was terrible. So unhappy. (Re-did all my exams later at night school when I was a bit older. Then went to uni etc. By the time my youngest sister was there it was fine and she went on to do A-levels and was very happy. It all depends.

A mixture of reasons:

-can’t have more DC and with scrimping we can afford it for one child.

-class of 20 well behaved kids from a variety of cultures/religions (v important to us as a mixed race family)

-excellent SEN support

-specialist teachers for PE, art, music and drama from reception.

-lots of opportunities for children to speak/act/do show and tell

-multitude of extracurricular activities, included in fees

-wraparound care with availability on a daily/ad hoc basis 7.45-6pm.

We went private from nursery after a long discussion on what we hoped that our only-child DS would achieve at a time when the financial crisis was biting and cutbacks everywhere. (Nothing much changes). Ofsted reports for the local catchment state primary were awful (especially with maths teaching - which we figured he'd be good at given what we both do for a living!) and then I started looking at wraparound care. There wasn't any. No breakfast club, no after-school club, nothing. I looked into childminders. Afterschool a possibility but before school, early enough that I could get to work? Again nothing.

I looked at how much I was paying for nursery - which was similar to the fees of the prep. And the advantages of keeping my career and pension. By this point, class size was largely a moot point. We applied to one school with wraparound care (not knowing that most 'in the know' families had applied to several, but we couldn't afford it) and he got in. We took independent financial advice from a specialist and remortgaged the house, so the amount of money needed has never been a surprise. The house is a shabby semi, we've never been ones for big holidays (our last one was a tent in Wales) and our car's ancient.

Somewhere along the line it became obvious he had some neurodiversity and the school was fantastic. Dx was via a recommended child psychologist, the SENCO swung into action and the support was there. At a time when state special needs help was being cut back, it allowed him to become more self-aware and to learn how to deal with emotional storms (which is brilliant now he's a teen.)

So in retrospect, we started with looking for a school that would allow me to work and ended up with a school that couldn't have been better for his needs. And now he's at senior school (still indie) and is flying.

We're still broke, but glad we did it. I just hope he is!

FWIW, I was state comp educated and first in family to uni. DH was first to uni too. We prize education. It gives choices.

Not being able to get to the schools in our catchment area. Having to drive past those catchment schools to go to the ones allocated by the council which were really really awful. DD quite badly affected by us having to move a lot and therefore no continuity of Ed and a drop in her standard when we moved to this area from Oxfordshire.

So continuity of education, more focus and not being at a school where she was at risk of being stabbed were the key considerations.

@FaazoHuyzeoSix I know what you mean but unfortunately, sometimes parents can have a love of reading, have endless books in the home and have other DC who are noted for their broad reading but one DC just won't get it.

That's when the school should step in and be able to give some insight as to what's happening and where unfortunately because they don't get Sen training they don't have a clue.

This needs to be made more widely known because fools like me assume this is noted, discussed... strategies are implemented and a procedure kicks into place.
Unfortunately there is no such system in place and some teachers push against any form of training because they are admant that they shouldn't be helping! ..

A smaller private school might have been more helpful.

Ds went to independent school from yr r to yr 4, then went into state at yr 5. We chose independent for the wrap around care where he could do after school clubs everyday then do just the care bit and the holiday clubs with outings, swimming etc.
We moved him out because the total emphasis on the A teams for sport (with no chance to move up into them), and the very much fitting children into pigeon holes didn't work for him or us. But it was a great start academically

I was wondering the same question, my youngest goes to primary school with 9 in her class, loads of sports clubs and breakfast and after school club, it’s a state school

We're in a very fortunate position because we had a lucky windfall when DD1 was just born, large enough that we were asking ourselves, what could we spend the money on that we value and would make a noticeable difference to our lives? Education is one of our top priorities, and plays such a big part of our lives that it was one of the obvious things to put our money towards. (We don't spend on luxury holidays or expensive cars even though we could afford to, because it just doesn't interest us).

DD1 started in reception at a small prep school this September, and she was at a private pre-school for 2 years before that. It's been a great experience so far, she is in a class of 11 girls, with a qualified teacher and a TA. She has specialist teachers for PE, French, ballet, music. The food is excellent and she does three after school activities (run by external providers, the outside classes get booked up and it's nicer for her to be able to do them on the school site and get home earlier than she would if I had to ferry her to them). She does PE every day and the pace of academic work is much faster than at local state schools. The 11+ results are excellent, and I'm happy that they prepare the pupils well within school and that it will be something that is normalised in her cohort, rather than being one of the few children in a state school going to a tutor for 11+ prep.

DD can be shy and quiet especially when she is new so the small class sizes have really made a difference and she would have been lost/ignored in a class of 30. It's nice to be a parent at the school - it's not a networking type of place, but there are no conflicts of the type that my friends complain about with other school mums. And it feels much less paternalistic than state schools - no nagging about attendance or uniform rules, it's just taken for granted that all parents want to support the school and the school supports parents with excellent communication, lots of advance notice for events, holding meetings very early (before 9am) so parents can attend before work.

The school is small and friendly and I wouldn't have considered the 'state until 8' route because I like that it's a nice community where DD has started at age 4 and will stay (all being well) until she leaves at 11. It was hard enough having to leave all her lovely nursery friends! We've also moved house to be close to the school (5 min walking distance) so it was nice to settle into a new area with a plan to stay until my DCs have all finished primary (and possibly secondary, as it's within easy bussing distance of lots of excellent private secondaries). It would also be a more stressful school run to have a younger sibling at a state primary and then the older one at prep.

Thank you for your replies x

Growing up in a country where until late 90ies private schools were non-existent, I never considered sending DD to one. But I can see how overstretched the state schools are here and how they can fail a lot of kids due to lack of resources.

When I grew up our schools really valued the brighter/hard working kids and they were always stimulated and challenged. I can't see this in my DD's school, based on what other parents of older kids are saying too.

I have had children in both state and private primaries. Luckily where we live the state options are really very good indeed and most children thrive in them. Academically the state option does very well too. I have taught and am a former school governor in the state sector and feel there are positives and negatives to both private and state in my experience and in fact behaviour and how it is/was dealt with was worse in the private prep. I also hate the lack of transparency in private and how much effort goes in to the 'gloss', the open days etc.... and how much is swept under the carpet.

You must know that 9 children in a class is very, very unusual and not at all representative of the state sector?

The only State Secondary we had available is not good, even a couple of teachers there told us to try and avoid sending DD.

Small classes with lots of support (1 teacher and 2 TAs for 18 kids) which was better for anxious DS1

Loads and loads of sports and activities during the school week which kept our weekends free rather than having to do sports matches

Most families having 2 working parents so no expectation of parents having to do things during the school/work day, unlike the state primary which relied on a lot of parental volunteering and also did a lot of PTA things during the day
Also the term fees included everything so there was no weekly admin to pay for lunches, donations etc which is one less admin job to do

Amazing facilities for sports and extracurricular

Perhaps unusually, a simpler and cheaper uniform

Yes absolutely, I’ve been very lucky!