Dealing with miscarriage grief **TW**

[Byz]

I know we all experience grief and the pain of a loss differently so I hope this doesn't offend anyone.

I find it impossible to talk about them. I can never find the words beyond "I'm sad". I never let myself cry about them either. I just couldn't let go of the idea that they were all my fault so I didn't deserve to cry.

Today I heard this song and it's like a key that has unlocked all those tears and all that anguish I forced down and didn't allow myself to express. I've been listening to it on repeat and just allowing myself to cry.

Yes, it's a Taylor Swift song. Maybe it isn't actually about a miscarriage or loss. But it just speaks to me.

No words appear before me in the aftermath
Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears
Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness
'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you
What could've been, would've been you

I’ve been avoiding listening to this because I’ve seen a few people online say that it’s about miscarriage and wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it. I’ve just listened to it and it’s very moving. I’ve sent it to DH.

I think feelings around miscarriage can be very complex. For me at least it’s not a straightforward grief. If I hadn’t suffered the losses I did, I wouldn’t have my youngest baby. But still it is painful to think about what could have been.

Your losses were not your fault, @Byz. Take care of yourself.

I had a miscarriage last week. Sitting here sobbing listening to this. There’s no way it could be about anything else looking at the lyrics. Also it was interesting there’s that whole scene with her imaginary adult kids in the video for Anti Hero, so clearly something that was on her mind during this album.

Thank you for posting x

I'm so sorry for you and anyone else suffering the same loss. ❤️

This song was something I didn’t even know I needed.

I went through a loss coming up to 2 weeks ago now (I still feel uncomfortable using miscarriage as a word) and I agree that I can’t find any other words than feeling sad. I’m not even sure I know how I feel to be honest. But this song just hit every point I’ve been struggling with - all of the things that should be happening right now have been taken from me. I would have been 12 weeks at Christmas and I can’t help thinking of all the people I should have been “surprising” with the news.

I suppose this song made me feel like I had a right to feel sad about missing what should be and now isn’t.