How do I know what to discipline?

[freespirit333]

My DS is 7, suspected neurodiversity but it’s always been a grey area - is he isn’t he. However now currently waiting to be assessed - it’s a long wait.

I find it so hard to know when to go easier on him, and when not to. He is slow - like a slug. I wouldn’t say he’s demand avoidant exactly (although he is really defiant) but it just takes him an age to do anything you’ve asked him to do. Sometimes it’s even things like getting out of the car to walk to his swimming lesson (which he enjoys and does well at). I rush him along and always feel like I’m nagging.

He overreacts (IMO) a lot to accidental things, be it me accidentally putting my cold hands on his bare skin or accidentally stepping on his toe. He’ll shout at me or hit out close to me. I tell him off for this, but should I?

I find it so hard that I don’t understand quite how he thinks differently, although I’m sure he does, and so I either become a completely lax parent or carry on as I am, possibly damaging our relationship.

I wouldn't tell him off for putting cold hands etc he is overeating but that's ok he can't regulate emotions and reactions like an NT adult can, apologise to him say you don't have to shout at mummy and carry on.

I think its fine to hurry him along sometimes but you will have to help him to get organised to do the thing you want him to do. So not a lot of instructions at once warn him you will be stopping the car soon is he ready. You need to be patient as you can.

Thank you. Yes that’s how I approach things like the cold hands/stepping on toes, I just worry so much about what others think and worry if someone saw me reacting like that they’d think no wonder her child is a brat, she doesn’t discipline him.

Yes I’m used to the organising element with DH!

I know it's not great but you will get people who might judge but I honestly think the majority of people will empathise with you, try and not worry what others think.