My childhood was pretty awful and since having my first baby, I have really struggled with it.
I used to come downstairs on a Sunday morning to drug paraphernalia around and random drunks in the living room. I cleaned this up before my younger siblings woke. My mum’s boyfriend was a drug addict and him and his mates used to take drugs in the bedroom whilst the children were around. One time his friend overdosed in our bathroom and I saw everything. Sometimes my younger siblings who were babies at the time would have gone into the bedroom where the drug taking was happening and I felt so awful that I couldn’t protect them. My mum sat downstairs.
My mum drank every weekend. We had random teenage babysitters who also drank around us. Our house was always a mess. If I ever had an upset tummy for example, I would just throw any dirty laundry in a cupboard in my room as no one checked to see if everything was clean etc.
We had no boundaries growing up and were called stuck up or a pain if we ever expressed any disgust at the adults’ behaviour.
Today, I am in a professional career, I don’t really drink at all and I have a beautiful child but how can I ever make peace with what happened.
My mum doesn’t talk about it and just wishes to forget it. I never knew my dad, like I mean I don’t even know his name and it is something that is also never talked about.