I've come home after crying at work today. This is really not me. I'm generally a get on with it and deal with the problem, that'll make you feel better, kind of person. In 35 years at work I don't think I've ever cried before.
Two senior members of staff were kind to me , that's what set me off, but the background is:
DH died nearly 18 months ago, as is often said, the 2nd year is proving much harder.
I don't feel like I'm desperately missing him all the time, I don't feel particularly depressed. When I have things to look forward to, I look forward to them, when I'm in social situations I can laugh and you'd never know, I can even organise such events, but I do feel overwhelmed and unmotivated.
It's like even the little things take such a mammoth effort, there's nothing left to be proactive and even if there was, I don't care enough to do them. This is probably most apparent at work, but it's also the case for the house and garden. I did practically nothing in the garden this summer and I used to devote hours to it.
I don't really know if it's the bereavement or that I've reached stage in life where none of this matters. I'm probably menopausal and I'm at a point in my career where demands are high, but there's nothing much to be achieved. I'm at the top of my scale and am discovering progression in your 50s is highly unlikely.
We used to have lovely socialble gatherings in the garden, but it doesn't work the same when the host is a single woman, so how the garden looks isn't important, although I used to love it, now it's just a reminder of a life that's gone. Or maybe I'm just burnt out.
Anyway the kind people who made me cry have told me to go to the doctor and get some meds, which is something I've never done before, but I'm wondering if it might help with my motivation.