If you are a relaxed, confident host…

[AllotmentTime]

…. How’s that possible?

We have friends coming over tomorrow for a late bbq and sparklers. Nothing formal. Outside. Starting close to the kids’ bedtime anyway so not even going to last that long.

Have I got enough food? What do I need to I clean? Where will I put chairs? Will DH end up without anyone to talk to? Will the kids run wild and disturb the neighbours?

Most of the above are completely without foundation, eg DH is perfectly capable of making small talk with someone random. And yet somehow in worrying about random shit, I usually end up forgetting something obvious like… I dunno, condiments. And we make it work but it makes me more tense for the next time.

If you are good at this stuff then please, help me, I would love to be more relaxed at entertaining.

I grossly over cater in all areas 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe not that helpful.

But means I'm less worried on the day.

I also over cater, or plan to. Have you got enough food? Chairs? Do you want to go over your plans? Having mentioned it you’ll remember the condiments but it you don’t I'm sure someone will ask for ketchup.

I enjoy hosting and don’t tend to worry about anything. People come over to see us, to eat free food and catch up. It’s not a test. They’ll be happy to see you and be fed, if you feed people well they’ll have fun and like you!

It’s been fucking freezing here so if you’ve got blankets or extra jumpers I’d have them to hand to chuck over people if they look chilly. And offer hot drinks. Don’t stress about cleaning beforehand, you’ll have people tramping in and out and have way more cleaning to do once they’ve gone. Clean loo, plenty of loo paper and soap, change the hand towel half way through so it doesn’t get soggy.

Lists! All those things you wrote, and anything else you think of, write it down immediately so you don't forget.

I am a chronic planner and overthinker which is annoying generally but very helpful in these situations! I do a mental run through of all the scenarios in my head - greeting and bringing people in, catering, kids entertainment... visualising this stuff in a lot of detail helps me pick up things I didn't think of, and add them to the list. Unfortunately it usually happens at 4am

When I host I don't worry about condiments, I put out some food, prepare a salad or two, do my best with dh working alongside but no need to overbuy, request guests bring drinks, that's it. If they want something additional they can ask for it. Have a few bevvies, eat, chats, enjoy watching kids run wild and get reacquainted, chat, couple of kid treats like hot choc or bubbles, goodnight all, quick joint clear-up, collapse in bed and dissect 😂

Only invite people who don't care if you forget the condiments or the chairs are in the right place.

Having mentioned it you’ll remember the condiments

You would think, wouldn’t you, but actually I had literally forgotten until you pointed that out. However we have ketchup and mustard so that happens to be okay, otherwise I’d be frantically adding to the Sainsburys order with eleven minutes to go.
thanks though 😆

Maybe more lists is the key. I do like a list, I have a lot of standard “overnight trip” “day at the beach” type lists on my phone of things we do often where there’s a lot to remember. But having people over feels much more specific, eg my parents coming over is very different to our friends visiting.

Only invite people who don't care if you forget the condiments or the chairs are in the right place.
That bit’s fine, all the people who come over are lovely, this is purely a “me” thing. I just always feel like I’m being better entertained /there’sa better atmosphere at their houses than at ours.

I don't invite anyone who's not able to take me as they find me. I also rope them into helping if there's still stuff to do when they arrive.

I just always feel like I’m being better entertained /there’sa better atmosphere at their houses than at ours.

Can you dig into why that is? Is there something they do that makes you feel especially well hosted, entertained, cared for? If not it’s probably because you’re in guest mode and just enjoying being out somewhere nice and different, and not having made any lists 😆