My friend always invites other people out with us

[namechangecindy]

So I'm a fairly easy going, good fun, love a chat kinda gal so I want to make that known incase it's important!

I have a lovely friend who I have known for years. She's a really good friend and I enjoy her company. However anytime she asks to meet up for lunch/dinner/ cinema she always brings these two other girls that I don't really know- that in itself is fair enough as I can get on with most people but one of these girls is a complete loud mouth that likes to be centre of every conversation- she even started questioning why I wasn't eating anything the last time (I was waiting to get blood taken so was fasting)

I really hate being a dick and if they are her friends then that's great I just wish she would make a date where her an I could chat about stuff I wouldn't feel comfortable chatting about in front of these people .

Anyone else hate it when people bring random people out with them lol 😆

You’re not alone. Think I’m going for brunch for a catch up and lo and behold there are two extra mums whose dc have just joined her sons class (my dc at different school). Every single thing - lunch/dinner/drinks : always extras and always people I don’t know. Makes me sound unfriendly - I’m not! - but I have limited free time for socialising and don’t always want to be making small talk with strangers.

Ask her and book somewhere for 2.

@Swedishmeatball that's exactly my point! I'd rather be at the gym, batch cooking or something that I actually enjoy rather than chatting with a random person.

@Herbie0987 but then she'll say " brilliant I'll say to sally and jo too" and I feel like I'm being nasty if I say no. I might start though

I would say "I don't want to interrupt your time with Sally and Jo, so I won't come this time." Don't explain anything, she'll probably insist that you're not interrupting or that Sally and Jo love to see you. Just respond with "Another time" or "Let me know when you're free and the two of us can do something".

If it's her that's initiated the meeting it's one thing, acceptable, not that I'd like it either. If she's doing it when it's you arranging to meet then that's very rude.

From her perspective she probably wants you all to be a foursome. I kind of get it, meeting as a group is less time consuming that finding time to meet individually and most of us only have so much time. However you're not and probably never will be a group so she needs to let that idea go.

What @BlackAmericanoNoSugar said. I've done exactly this approach and it worked, not happened since.

@Jericha absolutely a great response- I just feel it lends itself better if your being asked after it's been arranged rather than being the one arranging, then saying that?

It's really frustrating. I might just rack up some day with my uninvited DH and see how it goes lol

DH always does this to his friends and doesn’t get why it’s not cool. I think it comes from a generosity of spirit on one side but a lack of thought on the other! I think BlackAmericano’s approach is a great solution.

Maybe if you are the one issuing the invitation say something like ‘fancy catching up over supper on Thursday just us two? I really want to hear what’s going on with you’

@Gunpowder I honestly believe it comes from a good place. But I see it like she is organising her social calendar to fit all her friends in at one time regardless if they want to lol

Do you ever catch up just you and her? It sounds like she doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do. The better the friend, the more I’d want a decent 1 to 1 catch up. There are some friends I just see in a group and they aren’t such good friends.

Nothing lol about it. It's downright annoying. If you meet up again, I'd be bold and say 'can it be just us two this time please?'. She will get what you mean.

I have a friend who does this. With her it's always the more the merrier. She is completely happy around anyone and is lovely. I on the other hand am a bit shy, nothing too bad but the thought of small talk with strangers isn't always what I want on a rare night out. I just figure we are different. She asks now and if I really don't want to I say so or drop out myself. Sometimes I go with it and it can be fun.

Could you invite her to yours for a cup of tea/dinner/drinks? I doubt she would invite people to your place. And even if she says, "shall I message Amelia and Abigail to see if they want to come" you can say "no, I'd really like a proper catchup with just the two of us" without feeling bad.