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Original poster

Help me stop extended nursing please

26 replies

mum2boys1504 · 03/11/2022 13:05

I have been nursing now 3 years and I really want to stop but my lo just doesn't want to and i need some advice on how to stop ASAP without upsetting him but as soon as possible. I can't seem to lose any weight , it's feeling a bit much breastfeeding now. and its been a wonderful experience but im ready to stop . Any tips would be great justvwant my body back and his independence. He boobs morning , quiet time and bedtime. How can I stop gently but effectively. Especially hard is he gets in my bed at 5am to boob back 2 sleep and I don't know how to stop this. I don't want him waking super early and not going back 2 sleep without boobs. I really want 2 sort my body out and finally lose weight and I feel its come to the time now just can't seem to get gim to stop , I emotionally don't like the idea of stopping but know it is time thanks

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 03/11/2022 13:34

Did gave up naturally a week shy of her 3rd birthday but she was down to bedtime only by that stage. I had gradually decreased over the years just saying casually that she was getting bigger and that what we were working towards,

In your case, if you have the support, I would either ship dc out for a weekend (preferably with father/partner, just not you) or take yourself off for a weekend. Plenty of chat about it beforehand for a couple of weeks and saying after “you’re a big boy now”. Going to sleep in his own bed but easy access in the mornings for cuddles.

If you are on your own, cold turkey, again after plenty of preparation.

Ihavekids · 03/11/2022 13:47

I fed both mine for a similar time, and for both just stopped, didn't cut down bit by bit. That seemed like prolonging it. Why should they understand they can have boob at one time but not another, it's too arbitrary.
So I'd give about a week's preparation, say this time next week there will be no more milk. You can have as much as you want up til then, but on such and such day, no more. I just said it's time for my body to stop making milk now because you're getting everything you need from food. Nothing about not being a baby etc, they will always be my babies. Then on that day, just stop. And never, ever do it again, it's too confusing if you do.
The most important thing is that you do not feel guilty or regretful about stopping, as your boy will pick up on it. Just calm, matter of fact, firm. And lots of cuddles if he wants!
I know some mums have faked a trip to Dr and Dr says time to stop now, I don't think it's necessary- but you could? You wanting to stop is enough of a reason on its own.
You might need to hand express a bit for a while, only if you get uncomfortable. Don't let boy see this!!

Shiraztonight · 03/11/2022 13:51

I just stopped, dc was 3 years 4 monhs and I just told him it was stopping. You might need to accept you will upset him for a period, and that's fine

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Families
Somethingsnappy · 03/11/2022 14:27

It was a slightly different situation with me with my last, because I was pregnant again, and my supply dropped so much that there was next to nothing left. One day my dd (2) just stopped and said 'empty!'. The next time she wanted to nurse, I reminded her they were empty. She just accepted it. So it was pretty much cold turkey. Could you try this? Just say the milk is gone, and go cold turkey? Do cuddles and books instead with a cup of warm cows milk (or whatever)? It may be less stressful than you imagine. I have 4 kids, and the first 3 all took it very matter-of-factly when I decided to stop.

karmakameleon · 03/11/2022 14:45

DS1 breastfed until just after his third birthday. Like you I wanted to give up well before him. We managed to cut it down quite a bit by making myself less available at key times e.g. his dad did most bedtimes. The hardest one to drop was the morning feed when he’d creep into our bed and immediately latch on. DH would offer a drink of cow’s milk instead and I’d get up to avoid a showdown. He must have eventually lost his latch as some day he complained that there wasn’t any milk coming out (his little brother was feeding so definitely milk there) and like the PP, next time he asked I just reminded him the milk had gone.

I think it’s much easier to cut out one feed at a time rather than go cold turkey.

Original poster
mum2boys1504 · 03/11/2022 18:24

Thanks for advice. The only problem is at 5 am I am unconscious and he just latches on. I swear he undid my bra one time lol is there any tips /clothing that could help if there trapped away , maybe he give up and atleast just cuddle till the morning. At the moment he boobs at 5am goes to sleep wakes at 6 30 ..Still need him to sleep till 6.30 but without the boobs , dunno what he will do . T.i.a

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2boys1504 · 03/11/2022 18:24

Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2boys1504 · 03/11/2022 18:28

karmakameleon · 03/11/2022 14:45

DS1 breastfed until just after his third birthday. Like you I wanted to give up well before him. We managed to cut it down quite a bit by making myself less available at key times e.g. his dad did most bedtimes. The hardest one to drop was the morning feed when he’d creep into our bed and immediately latch on. DH would offer a drink of cow’s milk instead and I’d get up to avoid a showdown. He must have eventually lost his latch as some day he complained that there wasn’t any milk coming out (his little brother was feeding so definitely milk there) and like the PP, next time he asked I just reminded him the milk had gone.

I think it’s much easier to cut out one feed at a time rather than go cold turkey.

I'm a bit of a softie and dont like the idea of him being upset , not sure how my partner would get him to sleep , yeah I think might need to lock my boobs away and settle him another way until he gets that no milk in the morning the silly thing g is everytime I think om going to want my hormones say no and uts hard to finalise it and be ready to let that part of our relationship go. But logically he's so big and tall and such a child I feel I comfortable at the same time. Thanks

OP posts:
karmakameleon · 03/11/2022 18:35

When he woke early and wanted to feed there was no way that we’d be able to get him back to sleep without the breast. We just had to decide that at that point it was worth forgoing the sleep. He watched peppa in bed with us while we dozed until a more reasonable hour. And slowly he started to sleep longer.

SpotlessMind88 · 03/11/2022 18:35

I'm in the same situation except my DD is 2. She is obsessed with milk and has always been upset when i tried to decrease the amount she could have. She wakes during the night for "milky" and has it through the day especially if she is upset or if she is sick, it will be the only thing she has.
my mother says just to cut her off, but i don't have the heart. I'm drinking sage tea and i've just started taking the pill in the hope it will dry my milk up.

Wheretheskyisblue · 03/11/2022 18:37

Is there any tips /clothing that could help if there trapped away

I know someone who put plasters over her nipples and said they were not working. From what I understand it was pretty effective amd LO just accepted it.

ZipZapGirl · 03/11/2022 18:38

Put lemon juice on your nipple and say the milk turned sour. Take a little bottle to bed with you. Worked with my two year old.

bluechameleon · 03/11/2022 18:40

Mine was 4 so a bit older, but I told him we would be stopping soon. The last day I took him to Build a Bear to buy a special cuddly toy to help him get to sleep. Then when it came to bedtime I tucked him in with his new toy and we talked again about how the toy would help him get to sleep. He talked about milk for a few days then forgot about it.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 03/11/2022 18:41

Sorry op, but I am a Sofitel too however my advice is that he will just have to be a bit upset.

In fact they really should experience a little bit of upset in their little lives or how will they cope later ?

Bloatstoat · 03/11/2022 19:30

It's really hard OP but I found that after a difficult couple of weeks we adapted to a new routine and it was fine. We got him to choose a new flask to put ordinary milk in at night for when he woke up, and I wore poloneck jumpers to bed and clothes that were difficult to feed in during the day. Good luck.

keeprunningupthathill · 03/11/2022 19:45

My boy was two and a half and I'd had enough. I told him they weren't working anymore as it was only babies and he was a big boy eating proper food so milk wasn't there anymore. It works surprisingly well! A few nighttime blood but he accepted it (and told everyone we knew that boo boo didn't work anymore...!)

keeprunningupthathill · 03/11/2022 19:47

keeprunningupthathill · 03/11/2022 19:45

My boy was two and a half and I'd had enough. I told him they weren't working anymore as it was only babies and he was a big boy eating proper food so milk wasn't there anymore. It works surprisingly well! A few nighttime blood but he accepted it (and told everyone we knew that boo boo didn't work anymore...!)

Night time blood! Wasn't that bad! Night time feeds 😀

Nettie787 · 03/11/2022 19:54

Following for tips

Starlight2022 · 03/11/2022 20:03

We used the Booby Moon book. Amazing, worked like an absolute dream. It’s a childrens story about sending milk back to the moon for all the new babies. At the end of the story the little boy/girl lets go of a balloon which sends the magic milk back to the moon (or something along those lines)
We started reading the book every night probably for about 3 weeks so that it would be a full moon the night we actually “let the magic go”. We used a sparkler instead of a balloon and waved the milky magic back to the moon. I gave DD one last feed, went outside did the sparkler etc, and that was the last feed she had. She never asked again! She was 2yrs 11months.
not everyone’s cup of tea but it felt gentle and DD was happy she was giving the milk back for new babies!

Trolltrotters · 03/11/2022 20:09

My four year old stopped just after his fourth birthday. I did gently move him along a bit by wearing different jumpers - should be easy at this time of year.

I ditched all nursing bras for normal ones. This made it harder to access.

Distraction also helped, lots of 'in a minute' granted that might not help for those early morning sessions just yet, but if you focus first on daytime nursing sessions, they will all reduce over time.

Keep your Lo busy too and explaining milk is running out but you'll always be there and cuddles are forever.

Also remember it's often one step forward and a few back. That's ok as long as the overall trend is reducing. You've been nursing their whole life so it may take some time.

Rufffles · 03/11/2022 20:14

I can really relate to your situation OP. I breastfed my small person til 3.5 (I didn't set out to do so...it just sort of happened).

I assumed he'd just grow out of it eventually or just give up naturally. He didn't. I started to wonder (and then worry) how we were ever going to stop. I started to get a bit of breastfeeding aversion. Sometimes quite severe episodes - not very nice for either of us.

I made a conscious decision to stop feeding during the night (which had to that point been my default way of getting him back to sleep every time he woke...which he did....a lot). I just stopped the overnight feeds. I would still go into his room every time he woke, but instead of picking him up and automatically giving a feed, I found I could soothe him back to sleep by rubbing his back. "Wow", I thought!

So we were down to one feed first thing, and one feed last thing before bed. The morning one was next to go - we organised ourselves so that my DH went into him when he woke up in the morning, and when DS wanted / expected a breastfed he was fairly easily distracted. He'd normally have some cows milk. "WOW", I thought!

The bedtime feed to sleep was the last to go. We took the plunge cold turkey style on this one - I booked 3 nights away (locally, as still wanted to be around during the days). It went surprisingly well and although I think there were a few tears on night one, that was pretty much it.

The end of an era? Yes, of course
Any regrets? None
Did my boobs adjust OK? Yep, fine. Didn't need to pump once
Did I feel a bit sad after giving up? No. I thought I would but I didn't

While I appreciate that not everyone can / wants to / is in a position to breastfeed for so long, weirdly I think that stopping at 3 was much easier than it would have been when he was smaller. I'd talked to him a lot about my plan to stop - "Mummy's almost run out of milk now! You're such a big boy now! When Mummy goes to stay in her hotel and comes back you'll get lots of cuddles but no more milk!" and I think setting expectations really helped.

Sorry for the long rambling post but I hope it's in some way helpful. Good luck!

Ttbhappy · 03/11/2022 20:19

Try not to just stop just do it bit by bit and drop the first feed that they are least interested in ie the quickest then wait and while and do the next. I personally think it's cruel to go cold turkey and its all they have ever known. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Original poster
mum2boys1504 · 03/11/2022 22:02

Starlight2022 · 03/11/2022 20:03

We used the Booby Moon book. Amazing, worked like an absolute dream. It’s a childrens story about sending milk back to the moon for all the new babies. At the end of the story the little boy/girl lets go of a balloon which sends the magic milk back to the moon (or something along those lines)
We started reading the book every night probably for about 3 weeks so that it would be a full moon the night we actually “let the magic go”. We used a sparkler instead of a balloon and waved the milky magic back to the moon. I gave DD one last feed, went outside did the sparkler etc, and that was the last feed she had. She never asked again! She was 2yrs 11months.
not everyone’s cup of tea but it felt gentle and DD was happy she was giving the milk back for new babies!

Aww this is more what I'd like. Although I think I'd cry...Great tip thankyou

OP posts:
Rufffles · 03/11/2022 22:53

Starlight2022 · 03/11/2022 20:03

We used the Booby Moon book. Amazing, worked like an absolute dream. It’s a childrens story about sending milk back to the moon for all the new babies. At the end of the story the little boy/girl lets go of a balloon which sends the magic milk back to the moon (or something along those lines)
We started reading the book every night probably for about 3 weeks so that it would be a full moon the night we actually “let the magic go”. We used a sparkler instead of a balloon and waved the milky magic back to the moon. I gave DD one last feed, went outside did the sparkler etc, and that was the last feed she had. She never asked again! She was 2yrs 11months.
not everyone’s cup of tea but it felt gentle and DD was happy she was giving the milk back for new babies!

This is, quite simply, beautiful!

Original poster
mum2boys1504 · 07/11/2022 09:35

Rufffles · 03/11/2022 20:14

I can really relate to your situation OP. I breastfed my small person til 3.5 (I didn't set out to do so...it just sort of happened).

I assumed he'd just grow out of it eventually or just give up naturally. He didn't. I started to wonder (and then worry) how we were ever going to stop. I started to get a bit of breastfeeding aversion. Sometimes quite severe episodes - not very nice for either of us.

I made a conscious decision to stop feeding during the night (which had to that point been my default way of getting him back to sleep every time he woke...which he did....a lot). I just stopped the overnight feeds. I would still go into his room every time he woke, but instead of picking him up and automatically giving a feed, I found I could soothe him back to sleep by rubbing his back. "Wow", I thought!

So we were down to one feed first thing, and one feed last thing before bed. The morning one was next to go - we organised ourselves so that my DH went into him when he woke up in the morning, and when DS wanted / expected a breastfed he was fairly easily distracted. He'd normally have some cows milk. "WOW", I thought!

The bedtime feed to sleep was the last to go. We took the plunge cold turkey style on this one - I booked 3 nights away (locally, as still wanted to be around during the days). It went surprisingly well and although I think there were a few tears on night one, that was pretty much it.

The end of an era? Yes, of course
Any regrets? None
Did my boobs adjust OK? Yep, fine. Didn't need to pump once
Did I feel a bit sad after giving up? No. I thought I would but I didn't

While I appreciate that not everyone can / wants to / is in a position to breastfeed for so long, weirdly I think that stopping at 3 was much easier than it would have been when he was smaller. I'd talked to him a lot about my plan to stop - "Mummy's almost run out of milk now! You're such a big boy now! When Mummy goes to stay in her hotel and comes back you'll get lots of cuddles but no more milk!" and I think setting expectations really helped.

Sorry for the long rambling post but I hope it's in some way helpful. Good luck!

Thankyou for taking the time to reply I really appreciate this. I'm gonna look through all the replies and find a happy medium. Thank you all

OP posts: