People who want to be micromanaged

[CatGrins]

It's (adult) ds's birthday next week and family members have been asking for gift ideas, very kind of them. I don't have too many without giving them my own presents but did come up with a large ish present and suggested they club in together. They were very enthusiastic (I even gave the exact item name/model number) and agreed they would do that.

But for the past two days solid, I have had dozens literally, of messages and questions about it. Things they either need to decide for themselves, or answers that they could Google!

I'm feeling really annoyed by it and wish they would leave me alone! I have a really stressful medical situation (appointment tomorrow) that they don't know about so suspect its me be unreasonable but how do you deal with people like this?

This is something I wasn’t prepared for at all after having a child. Rough ideas, sure totally fine, but we have a few family members who will ask so many questions to the point that they then send the options and make us pick exactly what they’re getting DD. I find it annoying, but I think there’s probably a level of anxiousness from the people who do this so I try to keep that in mind. Although it sounds like you were already much more helpful than me by telling them the exact item! What kind of questions are they asking?

Maybe a reassuring ‘don’t worry to much about it or stress’ would help?

What website should they get it from? How should they split the contributions? Who else is buying one of these? (It's a collectable type thing) how much are the others spending? Etc etc

In the beginning it felt easy but I'm regretting being helpful at all.

It's utterly draining.

I feel your pain OP.

My lot actually ask me to send them links for gifts for my children ! I mean if that's the effort you're going to put in honestly why bother?!

I get that people don't want to duplicate, or buy something they won't like and I appreciate that. But really, 'send me a link'? Ugh.

Oh lord no I simply wouldn’t have the patience! I’d be tempted to just ask for a voucher next time!

I’m one of these sorts of people!

It’s not that I need micromanaging, rather that I find the whole crap-cycle really tedious and not, uh, aligned with my values.

If you send me the link, I know I won’t spend hours of my life trying to find the perfect thing, only for it to end up not being quite right, and being charity shop/landfill fodder.

So just don't buy anything? Why make someone else do all the work so you get the thank you from the receiver?

Because not everyone feels the way I do, and set huge store by the giving and receiving of stuff. I’m definitely not in it to harvest the thank-you card glory.

I still don't understand why that's my problem? I was asked for an idea for ds, I gave one, that should be it.

Why do you think a third party should be doing the leg work for you? I understand you don't like gift giving, there's lots of things I don't like doing. I either choose not to or I suck it up! I don't nag a third party in to doing it for me.