The children are 6 for context.
Dd is being bullied, in the same class but teacher has requested that change from next year (school years are 3 classes to a year- big school). The child that’s been bullying dd has invited her to her party, dd has kindly declined, DD wants to have a birthday party herself but doesn’t want to invite the child that’s been bullying her.
The child that bullied/s dd was friendly with her (joining hobbies/play dates etc.) at first but it turned out she was being incredibly cruel to dd (I found some awful notes in her book bag from her which prompted the outing of bullying) then I started to connect the dots and realised just how submissive my dd has been with her (rough ‘play’ which I had to intervene, coercive behaviour, excluding dd, rudeness, cheekiness from the child on play dates etc). I got friendly with the family (especially the mum) but don’t feel it’s my place to speak directly to the mum about it as I tried after a particularly bad play date and she wasn’t receptive (brushed it off and made excuses) so dd’s wonderful teachers are aware and handling it.
How do I handle this? Do I exclude the child and if so how do I handle the playground politics and upset of a 6 year old? Or do I explain to dd that two wrongs don’t make a right, it’s not nice to leave people out even if they’ve not been the nicest to her, the party will be busy enough to avoid the child and mummy and daddy will be there the whole time to make sure she’s happy and having a great party.
I am naturally a passive people pleaser brought up in an abusive household so I find confrontation/establishing boundaries with hurtful people hard, although I do find it much easier to protect when it comes to my children so will/do step up when I need to, just don’t know how to handle this situation i’m afraid.