This might be long, so bare with me.
My son is 12. Since he was a baby he was quite “high needs”. He would get frustrated when he couldn’t do things, was quick to learn, plenty of normal tantrums around 2/3.
When he started school he quickly got on well, he picks up things very quickly, isn’t gifted, but a bright boy. Also, he has very high expectations of himself and would be frustrated and annoyed when he couldn’t meet them. Also, always wanted to be the best, hated losing etc.
We did all the things - played lots of games so he got used to losing, praised effort and not attainment (although a bit attainment) and he got loads better. He’s a great tennis player and even he could see that his pressure on himself over losing was making him lose and so he has worked on that with his coach.
He isn’t anxious at all at things like public speaking in fact he loves it and debating. Also very comfortable talking to adults etc.
This year though, he seems to be getting more anxious over getting things wrong. He’s also away on school camp at the moment which he angsted about for weeks, stressing about sleeping, the toilets etc. This manifested as being in pain after he went to the toilet - I’m almost sure it’s not a purely physical pain, I think it’s nerves and stress of going to the bathroom in an unfamiliar place. I had a call from camp last night (why, I don’t know as I’m 1 1/2 hours away!) saying he’d got upset about the bathroom and going to the loo.
Also, his nerves basically manifest as being moody, defensive and stroppy, so his current class teacher has labelled him as basically being disrespectful (which I do understand but I hoped she could see it was coming from a place of worry and not of shittiness).
I would love to know, what can I do to help? His worry seems in some ways very specific (camp, sleeping away from home although he has done a few sleepovers at friends fine, perfectionism) and in some ways he’s very calm about things that I imagine make a lot of children nervous like tests, public speaking etc.
Is just talking these things through, helping him face them, not ascribing too much weight to his fears, whilst accepting that they’re real to him the best way to go? He’s a very similar personality to me in loads of ways but I don’t have this at all, I loved camps and adventures and changes in routine (still do!). I just would love for him to feel carefree, he’s 12, I want a fun filled chilled childhood for him. He’s doing great at school, he doesn’t need to worry about being perfect as he’s already doing a great job! But do I have to accept that he is just more intense than me and whatever I do, I can’t make him more carefree and laid back? I mean even as a 4 month old he wasn’t laid back, the difference in him with other babies even at that age was quite noticeable as he was already crawling, never would just sit in the pram looking at things, always wanted a LOT of interaction.