I’m jealous of people who don’t want children

[Iknowforsure1]

I wish I never wanted to have children. Like I wish I had no desire to reproduce at all. This way I’d be free of worry for my DC.
I can live for months not being anxious for something really bad that could potentially happen to them, but sometimes I feel so helpless knowing I can’t shield them from everything. I’m not a helicopter parent, so my worries don’t really affect DC but they eat me inside, mixed with guilt of what I could have done better during their infant years. This kind of feelings is so debilitating. I know I’m not having a good evening today, but I think this is the worst part of parenting. Not sleepless nights, not the fact that you life turned upside down by having DC. But purely knowing I’ve created this “Achille’s heel” for myself and I will never get rid of it even when they are grown ups. How do you cope with that?

I wish I didn't want them. I've going through premature menopause and had 4 miscarriages, so I'd be much better off if I just didn't want them.

It does sound to me that you have over average anxiety, and if you weren’t directing it at your kids it would go somewhere else.

I would investigate CBT as a first move, because untreated anxiety can sometimes get worse.

I am sorry you are experiencing this. At one point I would have answered similarly. It really sucks. I remember wishing I didn't feel the way I did but feeling overwhelmed by a sense of the absence of the children I so wanted. 💐

I understand. Today my 4 year old told me she was playing alone at break time and my heart breaks for her, although she is completely happy with this. My heart aches for my kids everyday, and it’s like a ‘curse’ and a privilege knowing that I will spend the rest of my life wanting for them and worrying about them. Everyday until I die!

That sounds like you want to say that you wish you hadn’t had your children but you know that’s taboo, so you’re pretending to be jealous of hypothetical people. You don’t really know anything about these hypothetical people’s feelings, thoughts, influences and decision making. Forget about them. Concentrate on you, and whether you maybe need to get some help with your worries.

I have a 10 month old daughter and completely get what you mean. I love her so much and I’m so glad I had her but sometimes I think oh my god, why did I decide to do this, make myself so vulnerable to another human being?

Me too! I’d have more money and more time. And so (as in this scenario I would feel like I missed out ) if obviously be happier

I completely understand, though when my anxiety hits it's more about leaving my DC alone in the world without me if I died.

“Wouldn’t feel” not would

I wish I had had an overwhelming desire to have kids but nothing. I went from being in my 20s and not even thinking about it, to my 30s where I just vaguely thought I would have them "one day", to late 30s, when people starting enquiring and telling me time was running out. I couldn't make my mind up. I was scared. I didn't want one enough. I didn't want to change my life. I've never been child-orientated. So now I'm 44 and I feel abnormal to the rest of the world who has kids.

I know what you mean. It's a high price.